All entries for November 2005

November 27, 2005

Earthquake!?!

When I was talking about my idealistic plans and world values with my friends in a quiet American chain cafe, an earth quake attacked my home city – Changsha. Although it was a only a very minor one caused by the major 5.6 grade in Jiangxi, I'm shocked. I thought such thing as an earthquake would never attack somewhere so far away from the active areas. It seems I have taken so many things for granted, and earthquakes are everywhere!

November 24, 2005

On the train (Be careful, stream of consciousness) ;)

Back in the 90s, there was this big group of Metropolitan (if this word did exist then) Chinese people at their 20s touched by the Beat Generation literature, idolised Jack Kerouac and his hedonistic dream of On the Road. They talked about moving their arses in internet chat rooms with the rise of this technology monster. Internet friends got met up in different cities in a very similar fashion that the Red Guards conferencing up and down within the map of China for the sake of revolution. They are just different ideologies. Red Guards and hippies, young and travelling, all for good reasons they took beliefs in.

The millennium passed, for more than half a decade now. The 90s' gone, consumerism left and refined. Beautiful masquerade. The youngsters becomes mid-youths, their arses rooted in office benches – more and more difficult to get them moved. Life is more about how to enjoy life with things they can buy for themselves. Not until the water polluted, the rumours of earthquake outbroke, will the social elites arsed to move. Their dream of en route eliminated. Sense of community and routines retained where they are from or where they earlier moved to.

But forget about these old mid-youths. We 80s babies are the dominate power today. We keep the consuming and develop the depoliticisation. Hedonism or anarchy are ridiculous extremists. We take belief in sites of big brands, super girls, western materials, fame, and experiences that money can afford.

My parents spent their lives establishing their careers. Coming to the age of 50, they are still quite lost about what they spent half of their lifetime on. There is maybe one thing that they are sure, or the traditional teachings make them to be sure of, that is to raise the only kid, spend as much money as they can afford on her(that is, me). That's maybe why I am lucky enough to be here - a country without acid rains(although people complain about rains), typhoons(in the winter there is a stream of strong wind that sneaks in from the bedroom window and make the sound as if some ghosts are entering the room), floods(yeh, in 2002 there was a minor flood in Europe with a tiny death toll, and that was rare), earthquakes(I wonder why there is such a word in English vocabulary), dictatorships(sure, people talk about democracy all the time here), human right abuses(because only Asian and Latin American, or maybe Mid-eastern police would torture the prisoners), poverty(homeless in London street? They can complain to the police about the weather), infant soups(!), hassles in travelling around(stop moaning about British Railway, at least you have such a small territory, you don't experience 16 hours DOMESTIC train journey as a normal duration).

So I'm in a pink country, and I'm in pink top-down. New pink coat, new pink phone, even my underwear unifies with them in pink.

A pink babe from the pink class of the pink generation travels on train, British Railway, virgin trains. Every time on board is a virgin experience. Since I came to inhabit in London, my times of riding the virgins(this is a Lulu phrase) increased. Well, when I was in Warwick, most of my virgin journeys involved London anyway. London and virgins, jack the ripper and tourists. Give it a random thought, we come to realize how rich the cultural heritage is in this country.

The only two times I can think about trains without London is 1. Notthingham, 2. Norwich. But none of them involved the virgin. Both quite winding. 1. 'Get a train to Leamington Spa, , get off and change to a train that terminates in Edinborough, look out for me when it stops at Leicester, and you don't have to worry about it afterwards. I will take you safely to Nottingham'. 2. 'Yes, it's fifty pound return to Norwich.' 'But it's so close.' 'It takes you 5 hours to get there from Coventry, love.' 'Remember, on your way out change the train in Nuneaton, and on your way back change the train in Ely.' But Norwich was so cool, my first time sleeping the the sleeping bag. Like a silkworm, make a warm bed to bind myself, to break it, get out and I die. Yeh, I changed the train in Ely, Nuneaton has nothing compare to Ely. Ely station is cosy and neat. Nuneaton situates close to Coventry. I have a lot of experiences, travelling alone, on train, 16 hours, 5 hours, or 2 hours.

Don't tell me you love the train. The flicking images outside the window only make me sleepy, reading, writing, and then sleeping. Travel on the train is boring. Boredom forced me to think about sad facts about life. Sad facts pushes me towards escapism. Escapismness seduces me to the world of perverted delusions. Perverted delusions cause violence. Violence gains me power. Power produces sad facts. Sad facts are boring.

LOL


November 17, 2005

Racist in this country

Writing about web page http://www.guardian.co.uk/crime/article/0,2763,1644183,00.html

It's outrageous how people hate each other in this country. My question is, if these people who committed such a cruel crime would regret, and they want to start their life all over again, will you forgive them?

If the report was not portrayed in such detail, with intention to shock or not, would I be so angry and justify the murderers so easily? The news we read everyday, if you take a step back and look at it, are all real, nonetheless created to be real. And one's justification is so easily to be influenced by the way it reported. I'm sad.


Overlapped

早上做的梦,梦见在网上与人说话不果,于是起床过后上网补回。

上个星期看的书,黄碧云,早期作品,激烈的生活方式,男主角是个医生。这个星期便认识了学医少年,阳光灿烂,笑容可掬,一点都不像黄女士总是在叨的那个医生形象。或许过了三四年,当少年成了真的医生,受尽移民生活同英国恶劣冬天的折磨,也会变成那个放荡不羁找不着北的克明吧。少年的样貌挺俊朗,当詹克明足以。

鬼片,周杰伦,夏日马六甲的海滩,熟悉同陌生的话题。我遐想联翩。更多的是沉浸在小说的情景当中,这些稀疏平常的聊资与黄女士的小说联系到一起,就变得让人激动。

我就是这样被动的读者,总是要在现实生活中定位小说的人物、情景。本来抽象的文字,总要具象的实践才能被我理解。实现不了的部分,就成了无穷的不满,无穷的抱怨,无穷的自我欺骗,或者成为我的想象力。


November 13, 2005

Make a wish

Walking on Tower Bridge, Thames River became my Trevi Fountain . I wanted to spread the handful of coins in my pocket into the feculent water beneath. Make a wish: may I have dreams to pursue, please.

As if

They are such a merry couple. As if the 'I love you' is really magical.

November 11, 2005

Plan for weekend

Enough is enough! The past week has been sinking to the bottom of the stinkist bed. Now I need to get up, although it's already weekend. But I've got a plan for the weekend.
(1) Tidy up the room
(2) Prepare the teaching
(3) Finish reading media literacy
(4) Finish reading imagined community
(5) Decide which topic to write on
(6) Meet Cindy, discuss the script
(7) Go to see Mike Leigh films (*2)
(8) Go to Bricliane

YEY!


A site not to link, a poet not to recommend

Writing about web page http://blog.yam.com/shenduwan/archives/629211.html

link

Love him, envy him, and publish him. Jam's show business.


文学评论

半夜头发还在发油,月经继续不调,有msn space不断产生乱码

但还有黄碧云,伪爵士鼓点,失眠

于是产生了两个文学青年的亲切交谈

摘抄如下:
覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧

Cindy says:

看完大

Cindy says:

哈哈

Barker Simpson says:

什么

Barker Simpson says:

看的爽把

Cindy says:

金三顺

Barker Simpson says:

我再看三毛....

Barker Simpson says:

….

Cindy says:

满爽

Barker Simpson says:

都怪黄碧云

Cindy says:

三毛都看起来大

Barker Simpson says:

我也想看

Cindy says:

那好落

Barker Simpson says:

黄碧云有个小说里说看三毛,我就见来看看

Cindy says:

我今天去看大BROKEN FLOWERS

Barker Simpson says:

好不??

Barker Simpson says:

Barker Simpson says:

我喜欢

Cindy says:

糟蹋大那么好的演员

Cindy says:

还可以,但是冒我想象中间的好

Cindy says:

电影节奏慢得好刻意啊

Barker Simpson says:

三毛写得跟红楼梦一样

Barker Simpson says:

还好啦,我觉得满好笑的

Barker Simpson says:

挺subtle的

Barker Simpson says:

然后结构安排也不错

Barker Simpson says:

不过没看过他其他的电影

Cindy says:

恩,结构可以,但是有些地方就是 不必要那样做交代

Barker Simpson says:

讲好只念一小时,念了二十分钟,被教的人偷看了一下手表,再念了十分钟,一个音节

发了二十次还是不正确,荷西又偷看了一下手腕。知道自己人是不能教自己人的,看见他的

动作,手中的原子笔啪一下丢了过去,他那边的拍纸簿哗一下摔了过来,还怒喊了一声:

你这傻瓜女人!

  第一次被荷西骂重话,我呆了几分钟,也不知回骂,冲进浴室拿了剪刀便绞头发,边剪

边哭,长发乱七八糟的掉了一地。

  荷西追进来,看见我发疯,竟也不上来抢,只是倚门冷笑:你也不必这种样子,我走

好了。

  说完车钥匙一拿,门砰一下关上离家出走去了。

Barker Simpson says:

我冲到阳台上去看,凄厉的叫了一声他的名字,他哪里肯停下来,车子唰一下就不见了。

  那一个长夜,是怎么熬下来的,自己都迷糊了。只念着离家的人身上没有钱,那么狂怒

而去,又出不出车祸。

  清晨五点多他轻轻的回来了,我趴在床上不说话,脸也哭肿了。离开父母家那么多年了

,谁的委屈也能受下,只有荷西,他不能对我凶一句,在他面前,我是不设防的啊!

  荷西用冰给我冰脸,又拉着我去看镜子,拿起剪刀来替我补救剪得狗啃似的短发。一刀

一刀细心的给我勉强修修整齐,口中叹着:只不过气头上骂了你一句,居然绞头发,要是

一日我死了呢覧

  他说出这样的话来令我大恸,反身抱住他大哭起来,两人缠了一身的碎发,就是不肯放

手。

Barker Simpson says:

就跟贾宝玉跟林黛玉吵架的某场一样

Barker Simpson says:

Cindy says:

Barker Simpson says:

不过她的故事动人就在于都是她的经历

Cindy says:

是啊,出来的东西不会那么空百,别个都把她看传奇样的

Barker Simpson says:

再怎么过分渲染,她丈夫已经是死的了,她也死了

Barker Simpson says:

连着看,就会觉得,现实中怎么会有人感情这么好

Cindy says:

是啊,好得过分就是这结局

Barker Simpson says:

跟黄碧云对于情感的抽离是鲜明的对比

Barker Simpson says:

黄碧云写的人,只有欲望

Barker Simpson says:

到处都是欲望

Cindy says:

我有时候看她的东西,就像看一宗又一宗的案列

Barker Simpson says:

生命的绽放和凋零都是因为欲望

Cindy says:

特别那时候读LAW的时候

Barker Simpson says:

嗯,所以她也要写七宗罪

Cindy says:

恩,她自己就读法律来,

Barker Simpson says:

她读过criminology,看透了人的欲望

Barker Simpson says:

Barker Simpson says:

所以她是满宗教的一个人

Cindy says:

是啊

Barker Simpson says:

但宗教和科学也不能给她解释

Cindy says:

我看过她的一个采访

Barker Simpson says:

我也想看!

Barker Simpson says:

Cindy says:

好早以前大

Cindy says:

一个香港妹子给我看的剪报那种

Cindy says:

她就是如果对什么东西感兴趣就一定会钻进去探究竟,然后再抽身出来的那种

Barker Simpson says:

我觉得她很厉害的

Cindy says:

是的

Barker Simpson says:

她通篇都在写情感,但说到最后,都不是情感

Barker Simpson says:

她写得好荒凉,仿佛是刚看过了wasteland

Cindy says:

她的东西看完让人觉得好有力量

Barker Simpson says:

嗯,她是很政治的一个人,不像一般女作家,却又有不同于男作家的视角以及手笔

Cindy says:

难得出这样一个写字的人

Barker Simpson says:

嗯,我觉得也是

Cindy says:

我觉得她写的东西那么电影,但是真正拿去拍电影的话不一定会好

Barker Simpson says:

相对于来说,朱天文写的东西,虽然也是层次井然,但总是局限在台湾那片小地方,读起来没那么过瘾

Barker Simpson says:

我应该还是去学文学,写一个当代港台女作家的对比

Barker Simpson says:

Cindy says:

台湾的那些人都是那样的,包括导演在内,而且一直都还满坚持,有的甚至很固执

Cindy says:

但是台湾的文化还是有它特殊的一面,太多人想讲话,但是找不到发泄的渠道

Barker Simpson says:

嗯,她的层次都建立在了情节发展上,表面上看起来不是那么紧密,却一点都不细碎,要解构成电影太难,但她高明就在于给很多细节,让你可以看到那个image

Cindy says:

特别是政治,影响到其他各个方面,

Barker Simpson says:

嗯,他们的政治观很liberal,但却又很局限

Barker Simpson says:

世界观,很局限

Cindy says:

她给出来的IMAGE还是用文字表达出来会比较好

Barker Simpson says:

嗯,图像媒体太具象,解释不了他要表达的抽象观念

Cindy says:

你要真拍成电影的话 ,我觉得会过于紧凑,好象被锁喉的感觉,观众会有点喘不过气来

Cindy says:

但是这个紧凑是跟节奏无关的

Barker Simpson says:

嗯,东西太多了,要用时间捉摸,要反复捉摸,这些影像媒体都不可能提供,因为它的本质就是一对一的比喻以及快捷的娱乐

Barker Simpson says:

或者:快捷的信息传播

Cindy says:

对,越讲越觉得她厉害

Barker Simpson says:

Barker Simpson says:

他应该是当代中文女作家第一人吧

Cindy says:

她自己比导演还厉害

Barker Simpson says:

以前看还没觉得什么

Barker Simpson says:

越看越是觉得不得了

Barker Simpson says:

特别是看书

Cindy says:

以前看东西还冒到火候

Barker Simpson says:

跟在网上看的感觉不同

Barker Simpson says:

看书的连续感比较强,我觉得她要表达的东西虽然分散在各篇中,却都是linear的

Barker Simpson says:

在网上看,都是分散的,只觉得她笔下的人生很荒凉

Barker Simpson says:

却发现不了其中的前因后果

Cindy says:

还是买书来看吧

Barker Simpson says:

嗯,我觉得看书感觉太棒了!

Barker Simpson says:

我以后都买书

Cindy says:

是的

Cindy says:

网上看的感觉和看书还是两回事

Barker Simpson says:

覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧

空白的地方都是亲吻和傻笑,我们多么可爱。


November 09, 2005

Wake up, dead man.

My favorite U2 song might have nothing to do with the new high-tech poisons. But it will perfectly matches the marketing of Provigil : a medicine that would keep you awake for 48 hours with a clear and efficient mind.

I went mental after two bottles of Lucozades, I'm really curious about the side-effect of such medicine. It seems another trick the technological tier collaborates with the increasingly stronger capitalism. I know people working 15 hours a day as a NORMAL shift in big corporations. This trick might give permissions for those bosses to propose their employees to work up to 48 hours non-stop without feeling guilty, and most importantly inefficiently.

I don't believe there is such a thing of Excessive Sleepiness. I sleep about 10 hours a day, and sometimes still feel quite sleepy. But I think I'm just indulging my laziness. If labelled Excessive Sleepiness, I would consider myself as the ILL one, and obstacles will be created for me to enter the NORMAL social sphere. Making a medicine to cure a non-existent illness is just enforcing the idea that feeling lazy is a guilt. O well, maybe some people do have problems with sleeping caused by other medical conditions, but then it doesn't seem a good idea to use another poison.

Once I was given a pillow case on which it printed 'Human waste 1/3 lifetime sleeping'. Sleeping is not a waste of time, it slows down your pace to death, provides another vision of the world which you won't usually remember when you wake up, it regulates your life, and it keeps you alive. You can eat to death, work to death, but unless other things happens the action of sleeping alone wouldn't push you to death.

sigh modern technology, gets more evil everyday!


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