February 23, 2006

Time to go back?

I've got the cardboard boxes and been leaving them in my room.

It will always remind me of the fact that I'm leaving soon, though it's at least 2 weeks later.

Nothing has changed yet, but I think all of us, JYA students, might listen the sound of steps of ending getting closer. Almost everyday, I have something to do, and it's often called with 'the last ~'.......

I went to 'Club night', which is volleyball practice, but is open for anybody who are interested in volleyball. I don't want to, but somehow, by instinct?, I began to count something…..like I would be able to attend 'club night' only 3 times including today…...

From last week, one of my friends started joinning this practice, though this week, she was a bit late. I met her in Godfrey's house several weeks ago, then later I knew she has played volleyball in her high school. Thursday practice is always open for anybody, even who hasn't joinned in society.
Well, she hasn't played since, so…..now I have to, a kind of, take responsibility to tell some skills? clues? to be good at playing…...um…...I'm not confident on this yet, as I know I'm still not good…...Well, it's also good for me to teach? tell how-to, as I wrote before…...a few month ago?......It can be a sort of revision for me to teach the other people. Well, at this time, it's a bit worse for me becasue I have to explain in English. It's quite difficult to tell some feelings, intuitive sense…....
Anyway, to some extent, I might have done well…...
I didn't ask her….but I hope she has enjoyed the time. Well, I can join CLUB NIGHT only 2 times…....

February 22, 2006

Lunch and Dinner with my best friends~

In the mornig, I finished lectures and tutorial as usual. Today, strangely nobody except for me was coming to tutorial, but it turned to be fortunate for me to talk with my tutor face-to-face. We've talked for an hour about my life so far, and my plan from now on. It's good time to make sure and recall what I want to do. Again I could see clearly my way I'm heading to.

Then at noon, I had lunch with Ville. He first asked me to do as we haven't had before?, so we did. We went to Rootes social building and had lunch in restaurant. I've got spare-rib and rice with cooked vegetables. It's Ok….
We've chatted for several hours till 3.30pm, later having a cup of coffee…then we were apart…

Then after coming back from library to copy some pages from textbook, I picked up cardboard boxes to pack everything up for sending them to Japan. I've STILL got lots of days to go, but I can start packing things which I don't usually use often, such as previous problem papers, clothes for summer, etc.

Once I've got boxes…...it really makes me feel sad, and feel lonliness…..it's not because I'm leaving…..but because of the things yesterday, I suppose….....

I'm now listening music sooooo loudly with headphone. I can be alone in my world where I don't have to think anything, although I know it's just an imaginary world I can stay for a moments…......I can just float in an empty place…...

At night, I'm going to visit Phil's house to have dinner together.

I've been there before, as I wrote in Christmas vacation, just before I and Ville were going to Ville's home, so I remembered the way to get Phil's house. So I decided to visit on foot.
It took 40 mins though, and it's a bit tiring though, it would be good for my health…...but the tonight, it's really cold, so I need to put gloves on my hands.

These days, it's getting colder and colder…...

There were already Misa, Mia, Anne and Phil, then later Victor came to have dinner together. We had Shephard's Pie, which is Mushed potato with minced beef and vegetable sauce. It's commonly baked in oven, putting all the things in layers.
Then, we did one game, sign; a person stands in the middle, the other people surround him/her. Then at first we have to decide my own 'sign'. It's a kind of baton-passing game?....first, do my sign, then do another's sign, so that I can pass the responsibility to another person. The person standing in the middle try to find the person who currently have that responsibility…...um…..difficult to explain. Anyway, if he/her is found, swap him and middle-person….then just carry on~
It's really simple, but we enjoyed it for a while.

Finally, Phil gave me birthday present!!! it's a set of DVDs with his hand-writing message in Japanese!!! I didn't expect him to give me present, as it's nearly 1 week after my birthday….and some might already forget it….Anyway, I was really happy~

Then it's already around 10.30pm…..we might not be able to get campus if we missed the bus….so we decided to go back…..

February 21, 2006

It would be the right time to walk each our own way…...

Everything is going to be finished….....or I rather feel, everybody seem to finish them…....

I still feel the day of leaving is far away, and still I've got enough time…..or, nothing has changed around me. I haven't even started packing…. My room is as same as usual…..Well, recently I frequently heard my friends was going to have last something…...They always put 'the last'.......
By saying so, I felt like they are trying to finish everything they have touched, they havce met, they have loved…...

I can't behave in the way. Nothing has changed …...well, some of my international friends kindly invite me to dinner or lunch. So actually, I also feel the end is not just there, but created by the other people and every other stuffs.

The goal is not just coming, but for them, they are going to the goal

I don't know which is good…...but I feel sad when I see the other is running (I feel in this way; not walking to) to the end of the day. In addition, everybody seem to be changed a lot, even compared with just a few weeks ago. I know they are busy to looking to their next dream, so we should greatly welcome those fact. In deed, I'm also heading to my dream; I now startd reading some textbook and papers associated with my interest and possible topic I'll do as my dissertation.

To be honest, around myself the pass rate of the time is quite slow as far as my nerves feels, but the time in my friends seem to run faster…..for they are really hurrying to do anything. They always talk about that they are busy, they have to finish something…..

I don't know 2 and half weeks is short or not…....Well, some are leaving in week 9, so it's almost in 10 days….

At night I heard that we were just going to drink in Varsity with some of my frirend, but it's also my and Yuko's birthday party!! Some gave me presents and a message card!! It's really happy to be hold the party, and indeed, almost all of JYA and also Rita and Emily came to see us!! I'm really a happy man as many came for my party!!
But…..I'm also sad to be honest…...
I know I'm quite selfish and I of course know the other people have their own thing to be done. They can't spare their time fully only my and Yuko's party…..but…...um….....I'm really selfish and childish…...
Some have left in the mid-time of the party…...
Well, some were still be with us until we left the Varsity. It's really fun to talk with my great friends!! I really want to make much more memories we spend the time together~ the easiest but the best thing we can do now.

We are starting to walk on each way heading their shinning future…..tooooo bright to look into clearly…...

By the way, I have read an amount of textbooks and papers from last week as I said to today, then I checked it today, then noticed if summed up all, I've done more than 250 pages of textbook and some papers about Quantum Field Theory. In addition, I've read some scientific magazines (Scientific American and NewScientist), though of course not all the pages but only the parts I'm interested in.

Well…...250 pages is just one fifth or much less…..for I have two textbooks: Quantum Field Theory by Michio Kaku and Relativistic Quantum Fields by Bjorken and Drell. 200 pages of former one (out of 750 pages) and 50 pages (out of 400 pages) of the latter one…...

Um….still on the middle, but I think I can be proud of myself a bit??

February 20, 2006

felt so tired today…..

Mornign to evening, I felt so tired maybe because of the volleyball yesterday? and the physical training in my room…...

Anyway, I slept again in the afternoon after lectures. I had lectures in the early morning from 9am to 10am. Then that's all today. So after coming back, I slept to take a rest and to recover from tiredness….Well, I don't know it has worked or not….but feel better than in the morning.

These days, the weather was so changable; suddenly it got warm, suddenly cold. rainny, sunny…...I have to take care of myself!! I don't want to have the last memory of England as having a cold or in bad condition.

At night I cooked Japanese dishes (can say?)
29. Mackerel, Pak Choi and Beansprout stir-fry 20/02/0630. Chicken with Swede Japanese flavoured 20/02/06

I have never seen 'Swede' in Japan, so I don't know how should it be cooked. Well, I quess it looks like 'Kabu' in Japanese, so tried in the way we cook it sometimes.
The real taste and the sense of dental are quite similar, so it tastes good. Well, the difference would be slight taste; it tastes also like sweet potato when cooked in my way.
Um….....it's always difficult to try new vegetable and other ingredient. I want to try every things here…...as long as I have much time…

February 19, 2006

Volleyball with people who have disability with their ears And British Sign Language

In the morning I went to play volleyball, though it's not same as usual but with some deaf people. I did a month ago followed by britsh sign language lecture.

At this time, there were also some of volleyball members coming to play, and there're also many deaf players! It's really fun to do volleyball not thinking of whether we can speak or not. It's not big deal when we started to play.

Well, it's a month ago when I leaned the way to introduce myself, and also some easy expression in volleyball…...and I didn't revise well…...I forgot most of signs…..so at first I couldn't even talk with people…..also I was afraid that I don't know how to start talking…..Well, at last, by gesture or any other way, I could? somehow tell a bit what I want to say…....

In volleyball, we often have to say loudly, 'Mine', 'Over', 'Out', etc…..but in this volleyball, it makes any sense…...I have not known of deaf volleyball so far, so I don't know at all how people contact each other in the match….they would do some signs, but like the cases above, especially we want to direct immediately….
Also people are only guided by their eye-sight. They can only rely on what they can see…
Um…...It's really difficult sports if people have some disabilities with their body.

It's not really focused about the 'Paralinpic', always held soon after Olympic games…..but I think they are really great!! Even healthy body can't beat them frequently.

I also feel I'm not really experienced with this matter…...I don't know how to contact people, what kind of words are preferable…....

I should look more different aspects of the life and the societies…..There're mountainous sorts of thing I have never known, seen, tried…...

February 18, 2006

Pool => dinner together~

Haven't played pool so long (well just 2 weeks), so we decided to do with my friends. Beisdes, one of my friends has just come back from Japan yesterday, so we called him as well~

After laundry, we had lunch with, then started playing pool. At the moment, we were only 4, Mai, Tsuyoshi, Shogo and me. We devided ourselves into 2 teams and played 5 or 6 games. At first I was not good at pocketing balls, though I don't know. But as the game went on, began to recall the sense of pool, so that so-so I did well. It's really enjoyable time to do something with nice friends!!! Nothing special, but really relaxing time indeed.

We might not have much time to have such a slowly-passing-time with my friends here…....um….....

Then we finished playing pool, and we were to go back each accommodation…....but as usual, we decided to meet up again at night to have dinner, also they said it's my birthday party as well. Um~~ thanks!!

Met at 6pm, then started cooking. At the end, we cooked Paellia, tomato and avocado salad, 'Hijiki no nitsuke' and salami roll. As wrote yesterday, I cooked Paellia with seafood, chicken and vegetables, Salad, though just cut vegetables in dice stirred up with seasonings, Salami roll with avocade tartar. Then Mai got the responsibility to cook Hijiki… At the dinner, Nami joinned, so her and Tsuyoshi largely helped me cook them …. THX!!

Have uploaded some pictures taken in dinner by me or Tsuyoshi.

After that, having icecream, we've had good chatting, trying a kind of game. There's a list of sentences which saying about things which are quite familiar to the place people came from. It's a kind of silly nationality checking lists, so we tried each hometown, Kagawa, Chiba, Hyogo and Hokkaido. My hometown ( in fact I don't know where is my hometown as I moved many times. But I want to say Sapporo is) is in Hokkaido, but somehow there're many description about it. It finally took 1.45 hours to explain all the thing…....it's so tiring…..but so funny when listening the others.

Finally broke up around 1.30am…....
It's really fun to do this any times…...hope to have again quite soon. I've got really good friends!!

February 17, 2006

Just a day in my stay…..

Everything was just as usual and nothing special there in daytime….went lectures, glove cafe and went to practise volleyball.
Except for many people gave me many messages for me in the morning, in glove and after coming back from practice.

I could manage to reply nearly all the messages I've got today…....it's a bit hard work…..

For today is my birthday…....I might expected something special happen, but also wanted to have just an usual day.

No party, no special food, but got lots of precious messages for me, which I never expect to receive. I rarely told my birthday, as the most reason is because it'd be a bit embarrassing situation…...for in this few years, I used to spend my birthday alone not being noticed by anybody. So to be honest I was a bit afraid that I don't know how to react if my friends give me messages….

Some messages were encouraging, so they also make me moved. I can say it's the best present for me, and of course it's much much better than anything else I can receive.

Words can be superior than any things…..And it's only enough for me to receive those kind, warm, generous messages for my birthday…..

After coming back from practice, I was so tired that I didn't cook anything but have microwaved stuff…....It's the poorest for my dinner in the UK…..ha~ Actually I was planned to cook Paellia(?) so I have all prepared to start…..Well, I'll have tomorrow to celebrate by myself!!

February 16, 2006

Impressive words

To wonder that I'm not good, I can't do it, etc…..It sounds bad, but it, in turn, means that there is an ideal view in your mind, so that you struggle to get over them. And struggling in the gap between the real and the ideal is a proof of your efforts. That's why You can be proud of yourself!
Even though it is invisible now…..definitely your efforts will bear fruits!!

From the blog I always see as there're lots of impressive words, but sometime which make me consider a lot. They always pointed out what I didn't do, what I haven't done enough….but those are really really necessary in daily life. I would little by little upload those words, though I didn't ask the writer about it…...It may be Ok~~?

What is my ideal??

It can be said some are my dreams, for example, I want to be a…..etc…. Or even some things in daily life, such as to be kind to the other people…...

There're many thing I want to do, I want to say, I want to try…...as if I'm really mean….but when thinking of the effort…...did I make enough effort for them? I just chasing my dream and ideals, but not making any efforts?
Part of myself want to leap into new world and try new thing without worrying about anything, such as my pride, my looking, expance, critiques, etc….but of course (large) part of myself want to stay in steady, stable, relaxing, no-conflicting world…..like my head is facing to the new things, but my feet are directing to the opposite way. I don't know which is good; shoud try immediately new things…..or another…

Or can be said…..there would be right time to start each challenge. If I tried it too earlier for very time, I would fail to do…..or if it's too late for it, how does it work? Is that problematic?......um…...don't know. It may be easy to complete it as the time has already come so that I've prepared for it to finish. Or it might be tooo easy…..not challenging…..
And of course the things which I think it important now might be, in the future, useless and worthless to try…..

Um…....when the right time to start??

The answer may be …... just keep going…...make any small effort everyday…..as long as I don't give up doing it, though the progress is so slow, there may be the chance. At some points, I may notice it's the time, so I can go further.


The date has changed…...What am I gonna doing 1 year later?? I may be struggling with my dissertation and application to postgraduate.

I will enjoy every day in this next one year…..it's my 23rd year to go and it's my final year in my University. I wouldn't regret on my choices…..because 'I' made a choice…..

February 15, 2006


There is one thing my friend talked to me when I told about my dream; I want to do many things at once in the future as my job. As I told before, I want to keep on studying Physics, then do Master and PhD…..if there's any post availble, want to be a professor….. though I also know it's not a straightforward way to reach there…... And want to learn much on cooking….. Skills, taste, creation, imagination….. I have to learn many many things as I'm still a beginner on cooking. Just enjoying myself cooking something I want to eat.
Furthermore, I want to expand my view on anything. I think my sight is quite narrow so I can just see what's happened just around me.

Well, at that time I told about these, my friends said that people are waiting for the specialists. There are few truely specialist in the world….. No matter how little his knowledge on the othe things, it's enough because he is a specialist…..

I agree his words…... I know it's really steap way even to be a specialist in one field of study. But is it really impossible to be a specialist in two or more fields of study, genre, jobs ??? Nobody denied it so far…....I can prove it in the future…..

Well, in fact, it's difficult to define the border of the specialists….. when he can be? and how extent he should be ? Nobody might not able to define it properly…...

This week and the last weke, I often feel strange feeling…...sometimes really want to see people, sometimes really NOT want to see people and want to be alone…....and this is still continuing…...
And such days when I don't want to meet any people…..I did see lots of friends…....vice versa…...

I'm not hating them, or rather, I like them…...but why I felt in that way??

Finally words I found when browsing websites…....which impressed me quite much.

We often remember what we've done to the other, but forget what has been done to us. On the contrary, we remeber being hurt by the other, but forget that we hurt them.
We are really selfish…....
As we can do many things, we become to forget thankfulness for the other people…...

I've hurt many people physically mentally…...by words, by physically…...
But from now on, at least, I will remember what the other've done to me and will say ''Thanks''. I want to be such a person…...I can return heartful of thanks agianst the other's kindness.

February 13, 2006

Stuffed Vegie Virsion 3

27. Big Mushroom stuffed with Minced beef and vegetable Blue cheese flavoured 13/02/0628. Salad and ham wrapped with Crape and Curry sauce 13/02/06

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