All entries for Sunday 10 June 2007

June 10, 2007

the war of sexes

I’m not entitled to being in a mood. I’m a woman, and hence all my feelings are, apparently, hormone-driven. I’m a bag of hormones that is only allowed to serve men as a never ending fun fair, and shall my mood enter a stage whereby I, god forbid, turn critical of men’s behaviour, or, oh my god, argue with a man and dare to express my opinion, my hormones immediately feel the heat of the spotlights of blame and make me doubt myself. Hear me out: women can’t think straight. Their emotions are guided by hormones, especially if they’ve been on contraceptive pills for long enough. But goddamn it we have moments of clarity! Moments when we realise that women are more than what meets the eye; that logic is not at all alien to us; that we too crave for an interesting life, aside from shoes and purses, we crave for beautiful minds! When the dishes are piling up in the sink the image of a woman in an apron inevitably floats to the surface of the mind and it’s a slippery slope from there. All the dust and mess, all the dirt and clogs – where are the women to clean it up? What if the women stopped caring one day? Would men pick up the sponges, get on their knees and start polishing the wooden floors? Would they lick clean all the splinters and crack so that the women can carelessly walk all over them in muddy high heels as their ultimate revenge? Would they embrace the windows and rub them clean until the glass shines like diamond, so that we can see our gorgeous reflections in the windows? Would they sit down with a fancy calculator to meticulously plan a budget that we can later recklessly annihilate to satisfy a single quirky yearning? Oh no, god no! That would be too sweet a revenge that would make women fat and thus undesirable; and since the women’s only purpose in life is to serve men, turning into a fatter bag of hormones is not an option!

But when is this life gonna end? When are men going to stop being selfish twats with no interest other than spreading their seed and playing computer games where they pretend to be significant war heroes with an impact in the lives of others? How did these creatures even come to dominate the arena of world politics, business and academia? Oh wait, I know how: by exploiting women! Maybe in the next life I could be god. I’d be a much better god, I’m sure. I’m a woman, I’m much more considerate, better at multitasking, much better at organising things, setting priorities, planning ahead, much more articulate about my moral standards, less evil, less cruel and much more gorgeous, so that when I do create human beings by my own image they’d all be pretty and fit.


June 2007

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