All entries for August 2005
August 18, 2005
For a while I've been wanting to write about my rather rollercoaster-like turbulent (to say the least) academic year. There have been fantastically high times, ridiculously unbelieveably low times and everyday has been a challenge in so many different ways. I am such a different person now in so many ways. Only now that the chaos is over (for now) and I'm safe at home can I reflect on what has happened over the last year.
I was actually contemplating writing about my entire life story for the year. Then I thought, well everyone says I'm always so pessimistic and negative blahblahblahblah. So you know what? Forget all that "bad" stuff. What I've done here is tried to summarise up all my high points of the year into words, sentences and phrases. I've done it in some sort of chronological order, and I know I've missed out on lots more which also got me to realise that even when I was feeling the downest of downs there were still so many amazing, hilarious and great things that happened and picked me up, so many that I can't even remember them all to put it here and bore you all to death. DEATH I tell you.
This is for those who have been part of my life for the last year, espeically the "new" ones. I know it looks rather long, but "HAVE SOME PATIENCE THIS IS NOT ASIAN BOOT CAMP"
Part inspired by my drunked darling in Melbourne (thanks for doing one yourself and hence reminding me to do mine), I present to you, without further ado:
The Highs and Highs of Winnie
“Er…” (I thought it was most appropriate to start with this) • Laughing till I am ACTUALLY crying • “Arsenal and Eminem? I guess that means you and me will never be together” • Bathroom antics • Birds • I'm Batman and you're Robin LOSER! • Sunday nights in Bar Leam • KAKAKAKAKAKAKA • Keyboard banging (and lots of it) • Sheep Mary with dog as baby Jesus • “I’d dominate you into dominating me”• I’m going to BRICK you” • "You’re giving me a headache” • OMAG • “Have you got any Vaseline Winnie?” “You ask the same fucking question EVERYTIME you’re here and EVERYTIME I say NO I don’t so stop asking if I have any fucking Vaseline for goodness sakes” (Next time) “Have you got any Vaseline Winnie?” • Kelsey’s lock-ins • Screeching • “You really make me want to bang my head against a brick wall” • Soil vs. Arty Farty? • “Okay I’ll make out with you, but I’m not going to fuck you, got it?” • “You pulled the other guy too” “Er….no I didn’t!” “Er…yes you did.” (I still maintain I didn’t) • The Charmer
New Years with the “Bristler” • Joe. Stripping. Britney. Dance. Chairs. • More beer to cure hangover • Port and parma ham • Drunkard in the back of random truck…still don't remember? • Walking around aimlessly • Feeding the ducks • Burger King will always make me laugh • Hungover and braless in jogging bottoms at Birmingham International • Have some patience!!! This is not Asian boot camp!!
Hair straighteners • Nodding dog • “Oh, no” • The Stud • Goodbye (forever) • “She’s fat and ugly anyway” • “Good morning Winnieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” • Mail order brides • “The funniest girl I’ve ever met” • Tarsus man + Free food and whiskey • Nodding and pecking • Dawn French and Asian Saunders • "Come on then, let's go and pull!" • Cramped in the taxi boot on the way home from Brum
Valentines day BONUS • Half a bottle of Gin + Few vodkas = Awesome night • Pole dancing with drinking partner
The new laugh: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! • Choking on hairballs • “What song is that?” “It’s Rage Against the Machine.” “Oh, I thought it was Three Blind Mice.” • Pasta bog (Winnie style) and garlic bread • Tied together with security tape • “Is it because I’m Asian innit” • “Not my cup of tea”
Bournemouth to meet the “in-laws” • “...and this is the Asian maid” •
“Oh I love your dog, she’s sooo sweet” “Yes Winnie, I’m sure she is but you can’t eat her for dinner”
Minibus ParTAY • Shit mix • Lost and drunk (AGAIN) in Lakeside • Beerface
Passport • Giving birth to fruit • Brain deterioration • The Asian GANGSTA • DRAGON! • Two double dates • Scar or fat roll? • B52’s • Man of the match • "Where's the nearest hot dog machine?"
Special brownies, "Can you overdose on them?" • Moo Moo • “Sooo…is it love?” • “Smell my neck! It’s not perfuuume, it’s ME! It’s my natural scent!” • Friends Season 5 • Tom foolery • Lab JACKET • Roast dinner for 8 • Roast dinner for 2 when still stoned
Asian surprise birthday • Dog for dinner • Scary Geisha • Moet and Chandon
I’m DANGEROUSLY IN LOVEEEEEE with you!! • Library “revision” • Library fines for talking • “My crazy gran hates you….but don’t worry my normal gran loves you”
“Hi babe how was work? Shhh I’m on a mission” • The Pocahontas Skirt • “It’s a race! I’m in a race!” • “YOU SHOULD HAVE BOUGHT A SQUIRREL” • DJ SuperFLY • Whose breasts are bigger? • Food “missions” in Claycroft • “We’re a trio now” • Jump into my bed and wake me up why don’t you • crycrycrycrycrycrycrycry • Stud Muppet
August 02, 2005
Oh the joys of being foreign.
You spend your early teenage years wanting to get away, get out. You hate the people, you despise how superficial they are, how they overlook you because you’re not good looking, not quite good enough for their (low and irrelevant, as you later discover) standards, you don’t really stand out. The occasion class clown, the silver medals but never gold. You sit and look back, wow, no wonder you had such low self esteem. Your surroundings really didn’t do you any favours.
Then your chance is here. Your ticket (literally) out of here. You end up in a new country, different people, different surroundings. You still have the superficial knobheads prancing around, but hey, you’re going to get them anywhere you go. But something is different. You’re finally detached from what you know as home. You’re away from the parentals, the judgemental family and “friends”.
Suddenly you’re content and happier than you’ve ever been in your entire life. New friends, new life, new you. For once in your life you can actually be yourself….a little bit more. People actually get your sense of humour. And of course there’s alcohol, the drunken escapades which will remain in your memories forever, the first thoughts of your rebellious youth when you’re married with kids sitting in your posh office smoking a cigar. Stories to tell your grandchildren!
Then it’s time to go home for the holidays. The last thing you want to do is go back to all that you think is wrong and bad. You step off the plane, walking through the airport, and already, 20 mins after you land back to your land you’re annoyed and irritated at the people. The rest of the holidays are spent you being grumpy and wishing you were back at university with your mates and your pint.
This cycle repeats every holidays. Until, you go back one time, you’re a different person. You’ve grown a little over the last 2 years. You begin to realise, hey, home isn’t so bad after all. You spend time with your family you once despised due to youth and immaturity. You reignite friendships with your mates you’ve neglected. You make the best out of you being home, because the memories you share will last forever. Things will never be the same again.
Then, something happens, the big bang, where you get totally fucked over and you’re totally alone. Then you can’t wait until you go back home next, to the security of your family and home comforts. You may even shed a tear when your plane touches down on home soil. You suddenly forget all the little shits and mosquitoes and scary thunderstorms and everything else that you hate. Because it doesn’t matter. You’re home and safe away from the evil.
And with what you know as home you have your family and friends there for you, to keep you distracted happily. So you’re going through a rather, bluntly put, shitty time, but hey, you’re not alone at home.
You fly back with some of your pride restored. You’re ready again to take on whatever shit is thrown at you. Along the way you meet new and wonderful people.
You look back and wonder where the time has gone, and how your views and preferences have changed. What happened? You just grew up, accepted a few things, let others go, and now here you are.
Sometimes I wish I could just totally prefer one place and totally hate the other. It would make things so much easier. It’s always a nicer thought to keep the good memories and forget the bad ones.
So I’ve been asked many times what I want to do after I graduate. There used to be a time where I immediately replied “I want to stay in England and work, no I don’t want to come home, my life is there”. But now it’s different, because in the last year I have realised home is not so bad after all. I still maintain I want to stay in England after I graduate and get a job. But as we all know the chances of me getting a job are slim and if I’m screwed I have to go home.
I’m still going to be the girl who gets riled up and irritated by an obnoxious kiasu twat 20 mins after landing. I’m still going to be the girl who shouts and swears at the bastard drivers. But I’m still going to be the girl who will wish for the security and amusement of 10–15 close family members in one room eating good food and arguing. Surrounded by kids, grandkids, uncles, aunts, cousins. Family the Asian way, the only way I would want it. And I’m still going to be the girl who will love partying until 3am, then going for mamak (food) and crawling into bed 5–6am after making sure all friends have gotten home safe.
It’s so confusing. There’s so many pros and cons about both places and I love them both equally. But there will come the time where I will have to choose one, or one will be chosen for me. And that thought alone scares me, and upsets me.
It's sad isn't it. How easily we take things for granted. All the stuff you get up to, with or without friends and family, one day it'll never be the same. One day they will all become only fond memories, and stories for your grandchildren.
This blog is for the one who left me behind with our Pimp Daddy and a KFC-filled belly. Thanks for the memories and my sanity.