All entries for July 2005

July 10, 2005


So last night I was dragged to this gay bar called Liquid (or LQ to those regulars). And when I say gay, do I actually mean GAY. GAYGAYGAYGAYGAYGAYGAY. Iíve been there once before last year. And then I remembered why I found it so bizarre. I have never ever been surrounded by so many gay men in me entire actual life. I almost actually felt like strapping my boobs up and stuffing my pants to be ďone of the guysĒ, so I could fit in. It was actually unbelievable how many gay men there were.

The club was actually pretty sound, the music was some good dancy shit which I LOVE (since none of my friends over where you knobheads are really like that kinda thingÖ you hear that FRIENDS? Do you? Always only your stupid rock music and cheese.).

As the night progressed the place became more and more packed. Then it got REALLY packed, like literally there was a county of men. And then the best bit happened. A few of them started taking off their shirts. Itís actually quite amusing now that I think about it, you canít really blame them, it was packed and sweaty and all that kinda sexy kinky talk. My mate was in heaven. I was just there for the articles. In all fairness, most of them had really nice bodies.

There were all shapes and forms of what we know as THE GAY MAN. We had super camp, uber camp, a little camp, camp camp, not-that-camp, I-thought-he-was-straight-camp, not-camp, too-camp, model-camp, ooh-nice-body-too-bad-youíre-gay-or-else-I-wouldíve-jumped-you gay, gay-gay, too-gay, model-gay, not-gay-enoughÖ..the list goes on.

And what about the lesbians you may ask? Well I was expecting butch dykey bristlers hovering around the place, but as the women were totally and completely outnumbered by a long long way, there werenít many women at all. There were a few couples around (I think), they sorta just sat or stood together, not really acting ďopenĒ or couply. But the amusing thing was if you start chatting to one of the them, the other gives you the dirtiest look on the actual planet. Then of course after they find out youíre actually straight and youíre simply a fag-hag, or youíre gay but off the market, or you have cooties, their sneers and frowns turn into smiles and weíre all happy happy joy joy.

One other main thing I was reminded of was the lack of pulling. But then again, that applies to all types of clubs here. You don't really get people pulling in the middle of the dancefloor, one doesn't go out "on the pull" here. It's deffo an English thing isn't it. Pulling was a major culture shock for me. I remember my first ever pull when I came to England in my first year….hmmm yes he was rather fine. I thought I had my green card sorted out there and then.

Why am I telling you this? I donít know really. Actually two reasons. Firstly, it made me realize how different the gay scene is over here. Secondly, it was just one of those things that got me thinking about my friends, about how I would have loved it if there were with me living up the experience. When I was at the club, whatever I thought in my head (for instance OH MY GOD thatís the gayest man I have ever seen in my entire life, or OH MY GOD how many men are there here? I want to hide in a corner and crycrycrycrycry) I would immediately wish my mates were here with me agreeing (or arguing) with me or just getting wasted or justÖwellÖ.being themselves.

I wish I could combine home mates and uni mates, wish we could all hang out together because Iím selfish like that. One of the shitty things about being foreign I guess hey.

I guess what Iím trying to say is that to all those knobheads and dickmonkeys, you know who you are, I miss all of you. Itís Sunday today, we should all be in Bar Leam tonight. Even though I am 342897340923842934 miles away Iím still thinking of you. Start arranging where we will all be every Sunday night next year please, Kelseys perhaps? I hope you are all well and behaving.

P.S. Arenít you impressed at how often Iím updating this thing? Iím impressed. So shut up and be impressed. Okay goodbye (forever).

July 02, 2005

The Worst Day In The World

Yes. The worst day in the world has come. And for the every smart arse who reads this: No, itís not because Iíve blogged, prat.

I suppose I should have prepared for something bad to happen, my day properly started off by being awoken from a lovely DREAM (considering that I've been having nightmares EVERY time I've slept for the last…as long as I can remember) by the even lovelier stupid wife NIAMH JUMPING into my lovely bed and going GOOD MORNING WINNIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! directly into my ear. Hmm yes. I could have bricked her.

Then all hell broke loose. Tuesday 28th June 2005 around midday. My stupid sister discovers A LONG STRAND OF WHITE HAIR!! We were in the kitchen, instead of making normal sister-sister banter/conversation, she looks at me with eyes wider than the Atlantic Ocean and points at the above mentioned.

My heart sank, I could have actually cried there and then. The maternal family curse of the early-age white hair has reached to me. DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIECRYCRYCRYCRYCRYCRY. The last time I had white hair was when I was like 10 years oldÖthat one strand of white hair which was dutifully PLUCKED out and thrown away and never to resurface again, until now (actually it was a really funny story. I was in Sydney, in the car with my cousins their huge dog, my cousin was like "Winnie is that Tuggie's grey hair or is it yours…wait…oh my God it IS yours!!"). Plucked and destroyed.

Oh and it gets better. Yesterday we had a white hair search-and-DESTROY session. My sister found (and dutifully plucked and discarded) FOUR LONG WHITE HAIRS. I could have cried for Malaysia during the ENTIRE rainy season. I was very very sad and distressed. Oh the pain, the sweet pain. The defensive walls around my protected white-hair free world has crumbled down within the pluck of an unwanted hair. It is the end of my vain world as we know it, and the beginning of something perhaps much much worse.

Now one may ask ďWhy are you being so melodramatic Winnie? Itís only a bit of white hair, I knew this girl who was completely white by the time she was 22Ē, or like ďFor fucks sake Winnie itís only 4 strands of hair you canít even see anythingĒ. And Iíll tell you why. My HAIR is my THING. I have the best hair on CAMPUS. I have the best hair AROUND. Donít believe me? Letís meet up, Iíll let you look at it, feel it and smell it. Go on then. Go on. Go on. You wonít regret it. Maybe you and my hair can spend some quail-tay time together. My hair will have you begging me for secrets of how I keep it so wonderfully. Secrets that I will take to my grave, mind. Ask anyone I know. I have lovely hair. And if they donít say that I have lovely hair, tell me who they are and they, like my white hair, will be plucked and destroyed from our very existence.

So how can one have the best hair in the entire world when itís slowly becoming all WHITE?!?!?! Why God why??? Why do you take away the one and only asset I have? Iím not exactly a hot bird, Iím short with thunder thighs and a fat ass but at least I had lovely hair to outshine the flaws. Ooh I also have nice feet but letís face it, who the hell cares about feet except a footologist, really. But now I have lovely WHITE-STREAKED hair.

A few people say itís because Iíve been very stressed (exams blahblahblah). Fair enough, but the white hairs found were as long as my normal hair, which means they have been there FOREVER. I have not been stressed FOREVER. So what is a girl-who-is-extremely-vain-about-her-beautiful-wonderful-hair going to do? What am I actually going to do?

Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear. Itís the end of the world as we know it. Oh. Dear.

Please pray for me, pray that the white hair will go away forever please please please Iím only little, Iím only 21 years old not 121 years old please please.

Well I'm going to run off towards the sunset, wailing and arms flailing.

(Yes I am backÖmuAHahhaAHahahahahahahahahaÖÖ out!!! I may be leaving the country but Iím not going to leave this blogÖhow else will you be able to know if I am alive?)

(Okay I really should be packing and trying to fit everything in my suitcase-which-is-actually-larger-than-me, I am leaving in two days, so goodbye forever.)

July 2005

Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa Su
Jun |  Today  | Aug
            1 2 3
4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22 23 24
25 26 27 28 29 30 31

Search this blog


Most recent comments

  • Q Whats worse than being 25 and having done nothing with ones life? A Moving back home and being rem… by Messy Life on this entry
  • ive just stumbled across this piece of gold you call a blog…. your all hilarious, i think i love you… by andy on this entry
  • Hehe haven't checked the blogs in ages. by on this entry
  • I like Strap–on IN dude It's best role playing by Strapon Lover on this entry

Blog archive

Not signed in
Sign in

Powered by BlogBuilder