All entries for April 2005
April 24, 2005
WARNING: This is a rather random blog. Kinda like a modified stream of conciousness.
I’m supposed to be doing work. I have a presentation on Wednesday and exams….and I’ve done fuck all. And I won’t be able to do anything until like next week. Oh dear. Yes admist through my mini panic attacks and paddy-fannying about, I am writing this random blog. So let’s commence.
There are many things I want to do and want to be, and there’s no way I’m ever going to be able to do it in this lifetime. Sad eh?
I want to be a famous musician. I know I can’t sing. So a songwriter. Well actually I can’t even write lyrics. I can do do riffs though. So er let’s scrap that. I want to be a famous drummer. Oh yeah. Drummer. I had the potential. Those were the days, Winnie the talented musician, one of a kind. And then of course I go away or rather come here where everyone else around me is better than me. And also stop practising because I felt like I coulnd’t improve anymore. So basically, I am not really that good at anything. But I want to be the best. Because Winnie is a WINNER. (and a Loser for just saying that).
I want to be clever like Good Will Hunting. Well I realise his first name isn’t “Good” but it sounds more dramatic when I say Good Will hunting. Or, second best would be, I want to be clever enough not to have to revise for 2057204792 years. More like revise the night before and get like 90% in all my exams. I may need that this year. Actually I know I’ll need that this year. Funny thing that is. I feel like I’m absolutely screwed work-wise this year. I felt that last year but got through okay (because I was a lucky bastard), and then I say the same thing again this year but I feel even more screwed this year than last. So then I just feel like a dickmonkey because I always say “crap I’m going to do really bad” and then end up doing okay (because I am a lucky bastard), but then this time around I don’t think I can only ride on the luck bandwagon.
If I were to die today I want to be recognised for making a difference in this world. Which obviously I won’t. As I have not made any difference in this world apart from my sporadic efforts to recycle.
I want to build homes for the homeless…AFTER I get my engineering degree. And of course build a house for my wife. Because I know she will end up living in her trailer and really…..they aren’t very warm.
I want to make sure the soil is safe to have homes built upon for the homeless (and wife).
I want world peace. MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR! Do people not SEE it? Why does everything have to be so complicated? Everything starts out in simplicity. Take Binary – 1 and 0. Simple. And through our 1’s and 0’s the resultant is magical technology that can destroy a town by pressing a red button. So all we need to do is go back to basics. I’m no policital activist. I’m not well-read and all that shit. I’m pretty ignorant and thick. But I think we make things wayyy too complicated for ourselves.
I want to be able to speak more than one language fluently. (See? I don’t ask for much).
I want to improve on my English and vocabulary. Too many a time I have read people’s stuff (blog, articles etc), admittedly most are arty-farty students but even the science idiots are putting my writing abilities and flair to shame. But even reading my mates' blogs, they all write so beautifully. Like the perfect word used at the right place and the right time. I admire their writing skills. And what's the winner? I don’t understand every second word they have down. Like seriously. I feel like a fool LIKE A FOOL! I wish I could write beautifully….with the wind blowing through the strands of my fine hair and the sound of the sea, the waves crashing relentlessly against the rocks in the panoramic background of my mind. And the way the leaves, worn out from bearing the brunt of autumn, delicately float down to the ground after a little help from the fresh breeze. The way the crisp sound that visits my ears as a result of my feet walking upon them. Er yeah whatever this isn’t going to work.
Which also makes me wish I was really clever arty farty wise. And I can talk about feminism. And post modernism. Well pronouncing the words would be useful to start with. I wish I had a broader mind, that I knew alot more than I know now, because really, I don't know much. I wish I knew something about politics. I know nout.
I want to help people. Not only as in building homes but in every other way possible. From helping a blind man across the road. Or helping kids to learn to read. Or help my mate get over a mid life crisis. Or myself for that matter.
I want money. Lots of it. Don’t need to give me the “money can’t buy you happiness” bullshit I do know that it’s true. But I just want the money. All the things I could do with money. Hmmmmmmm……..we’ll talk about that another day.
I want to have a killer body. And be taller. Why do I have to be so short? Stupid Asians. Stupid family, you coulnd’t be hot and good looking with nice bodies could you? No no….had you be well….you and hence I am, well, me.
I want to go meadow skipping. It’s a beautiful day today.
I want to travel the world. I especially want to retire in Hawaii with my beach-front house and go surfing everyday.
I want to be a hero. I want to save someone’s life. My story plastered across newspapers. I want my 15 minutes of fame.
I want to know what future lies ahead of me. In fact, I want to go see a real “proper” fortune teller who will tell me what is going to be of me. Free of charge of course. I mean, I really wish I could go see a fortune teller, as in a proper real one with 100% prediction accuracy (such a person doesn't exist, thus me saying I wish). Anyway, I wish this fortune teller will tell me what's going to happen to me. Or even better, I can put like magical glasses on which shows a TV screen inside and I can actually visually see what is to become of me. And then I leave the fotune teller place and I'll forget somehow about what's going to happen, but my inner head will still know that I'm going to be okay. Well I hope I'm going to be okay.
I want to be able to read minds. How amazing would that be? No more insecurities or uncertainties, because I would know, really, what everyone is actually thinking. No more public humiliation. How good would it be to read minds. I could make a fortune. And also, I would be amazing in bed. Like mind-numbingly, “Oh……my……..god…….” amazing. Think about it. You’re like getting jiggy with someone, and you can actually read their minds. You would then know what he/she likes and doesn’t like, what works and doesn’t. Oh my god. I wish I could read minds. I would be a sex goddess. A step further than being the sex princess I am already now.
I don’t want to turn 21. I fucking hate birthdays. Because I always get let down one way or another. There are a few exceptions of course. The best birthday I had was my 16th, my darling A.Lean made such an effort for me and I was just touched. It was unexpected and fantastic. I am sorry that I can not remember every intricate detail of my birthdays, but I do have one year etched in mind which probably tainted all my birthdays but we’re not going to go into that. I remember having parties in Mcdonalds. Or was it mates parties? God it was such a long time ago. And that stupid balloon game where you have to blow it up until it bursts. What a stupid game. I hate balloons. And the stupid clown. Stupid stupid clown.
Speaking of clowns I remember going to a birthday party with a clown. But this is the winner: it was in the PALACE. Yes that’s right baby, in like the PALACE in Kuala Lumpur. As in an actual PALACE. But I didn't meet the king though (called the "Agong"). It was well good. I don’t really remember much though. My memory is actually quite atrocious.
I don’t want to turn 21. I am a kid at heart. I am dreading my birthday. But on the positive side I am looking forward to presents. I love presents. Wheeeeeee!
Words/phrases of the day:
April 04, 2005
So right I wake up today…no wait…I get woken up today by bloody wife screeching on the phone. I actually wanted to cry out of utter frustration and then subsequently brick her. It didn't help that I was woken up twice before by my mum. But anyway. I make my bed and think hmmm I'll just FebreZe it since I haven't in a while and I like my room smelling of meadows (well on the spraying bottle thingy it says "Summer Splash"). So I take the spraying bottle thing from under my desk and start spraying. Spray spray spray spray! Hmm…I didn't know the Febreze liquid was yellow….read the bottle Winnie.
What does it say?
Kids? What does it say?
Cif Lemon Oxy-Gel (with ACTIVE OXYGEN) ALL PURPOSE UNEATABLE CLEANING AND SHINE.
"No other general purpose cleaner cleans better and leaves a better shine."
I read more stuff at the back, and what does it say?
What does it say???
"Avoid contact with fabrics"
Was half expecting it to like burn a hole through my duvet. So yeah after paddy-fannying about for a bit eventually took the duvet cover off and put it into the washing machine. I hope it dries by tonight or else I'll have to sleep duvet cover-less. Woo yeah.
I don't know why I'm actually blogging about yet another stupid thing I've done. Actually I do know why. It is a cry for help. Will someone please just tell me what is wrong with me? Please? I'll give you a bottle my Cif as a reward. So that I don't end up doing the same thing again.