February 08, 2005

Why I am the Coolest Second Team Captain EVER (and the story of the post–match minibus partay)

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I am feeling quite up myself today. I am known to have an extremely low self confidence. In fact up till the time I left home for the greener (and colder) pastures of what you people call “England” I was just a timid little girl who hid in a cupboard all day. Now I’ve come out of the cupboard (because it was too heavy to bring on a plane), I’ve found a new cupboard to hide in but I only hide on my off days. I will not go into my whole life story on why I have such low self confidence because really it is slightly on the personal and (traumatic) side. The point being I HAVE LOW SELF CONDIFENCE okay? Okay. Very good.

As I was saying, I am feeling quite up myself today. In fact I have been feeling quite up myself for the last few days. And I figured since I usually am humble and not up myself I would write about it as I think I’m overdue for some cupboard-hiding (i.e. self confidence is going to disappear soon). It was so weird. I went to Top B yesterday. The lameass thing was it was the first time I set foot in the union for a night event all term. But anyway, I was in Els’ room making final er….arrangements with my hair. And I looked at myself in the mirror and I actually screamed. I was like OH MY GOD Winnie you’re GORGEOUS! I was very taken aback. Because usually when you look in the mirror you’re concentrating on the big spot on your nose or something like that. I NEVER compliment myself. Especially not during mirror time. It was very weird. But I did look good, for my standards.

ANYWAy why am I writing this? I was inspired by Boz actually. I was reading her blog, and I realised how great I was. Hahahaha. It also helps that Boz always loves to compliment me. Cynics would say she's a bit of an Asian ass-kisser. But I say she is lovely and compliments me (even without me asking/threatening her) and beacuse of Boz I am writing this.

Last week Wednesday (2nd Feb) we had a football match away to Oxford. And since it was our last league match, I decided to have a post-match partay on the Minibus. So I asked my players to buy alcohol for the bus (if they wanted to drink).

I almost wasn’t going to go because I was actually injured as well as very unwell. But I decided to go and support/shout at my team on the sidelines. I was the coach for the day. Tee hee hee. [Reason #1 (to why I am the coolest captian ever): I went for my team even though I was actually, very unwell in the least hypopondriac way]

As I was unwell I decided I wasn’t going to drink but it the partay was more for the players to get to know each other and stuff. [Reason #2: I initiated and invented this post-match minibus drinking partay.] But I decided I was going to buy some alcohol for the others to drink. So I bought Friscino (not Lambrini because Friscino was a larger bottle = more alcohol for people to drink = price was not a factor at all = it tastes the bloody same anyway) as it was easy to carry around than cans. And also bought Pringles, Haribo and biscuits.

[Reason #3: I SELFISHLESS-LY initiated this post match partay, for the good of my team and so people get to talk and mix and stuff]

[Reason #4: I am GENEROUS and bought alcohol, drinks and snacks for my team]

After the match, we go to the pub and have a few drinks. I decide to be sociable and drink too. We end up back on the minibus (driven by our very own Becky Ward….bless her), where me and Boz proceed to finish the contents of our shitmix (refer to her blog). We had Claire sitting next to us drinking her cans and being very amused at our stupidity. And behind us we had Sian and a certain Miss Brunell (who I will not disclose her first name in the off chance she reads this and may kill me), drinking 15 degree bottles each.

I forgot to mention Miss Brunell was pretty much pissed up already before we got on the bus. She proceeded to get very, very drunk and was extreme comedy value. The star of the show, if you would like.

I’m happily drinking my shit mix and talking shit with Boz (as we do). I am also happily drinking the rank 15 degrees crap on Miss Brunell’s behalf (just so she could beat Sian in their "competition"). The minibus is buzzing and eventually we all start pissing ourselves because Miss Brunell is stuttering and slurring in her speech.

Oh and then we have a pee-stop. That involved Miss Brunell jumping out of the minibus even before it completely stopped and running off. That also involved me running after Miss Brunell (with my injured knee) shouting at her "For FUCKS sake will you SLOW down I'm actually injured and can't run!!!!!". It also involved Claire, Boz and Sian eventually running after us. The only reason I ran after her was because I didn't want her to get lost in the big rest-stop complex thing. And also because I was actually dying for a pee. But the funniest thing was, Miss Brunell knew EXACTLY where she was going, she didn't even stop to look at signs. Just zoom! zoom! zoom! and poof! there were the toilets! In fact I hadnt a clue where I was going and really was following her until she decided to stop running.

When we eventually do get back on campus, Cat tells me to come to Cholo. I wasn’t going to go to the social, but I thought I’ll go for a bit since Cat was going back at 8 and she would give me a lift. And Miss Brunell wanted to go so I thought I’d accompany her. Everyone else goes home to change/pass out/whatever. When I get out of the minibus the fresh air somehow manages to make the alcohol in my system go into my head and then Winnie is wasteddddddddddddddddddd. Hey! Ceri is here now! Hi Ceri! Oh wait Sian and Ceri aren't here anymore. Well I'll probably see them at social later. Sian does smell (only joking). Miss Brunell has a gangster hat! I want it! Miss Brunell won't let me have it! That bitch. Plan B. Winnie goes to Miss Brunell “OH MY GOD what is that??” [points in random direction], Miss Brunell unwittingly looks in direction Winnie is pointing at, Winnie smoothly swipes hat.

HAHAhahaha I have a gangster hat! [Reason #5: I am smooth and suave and look good in a gangster hat]

So Winnie and Miss Brunell go to the gangster social where there is Cat and Els (not because it was a lame social but it was still very very early and Els had to save seats). Els is impeccably dressed (as per usual) and looks a very good gangster. And for one hour, we drink more and become great comedy value for Els and Cat. I totally up my status as cool captain. [Reason #6: I am amusing and classic when drunk] Whoops! Miss Brunell has fallen off the chair.

Anyway. Miss Brunell is wasted. Winnie is wasted but not as wasted as Miss Brunell. Els and Cat are not wasted and thus laugh at us. Miss Brunell steals my hat about 15 times. And 15 times I steal it back using the “OH MY GOD what is that??”-and-pointing method. She falls for it EVERY time.

Eventually, I don’t remember what happens but we leave. Oh yes because Miss Brunell wants to go home. I decide to take her home because I didn’t want her to pass out in some bush or something. [Reason #7: I care about the welfare of others] When walking back Cat rings and says she's leaving now, but I said no it's okay you go back because we're still walking and will take ages and I'll get the bus home later. [Reason #8: I am naturally considerate in general]

We finally get back to Lakeside and Miss Brunell passes out in her bed. I spend 30 mins trying to find her duvet because she is cold. I finally realise (and she finally realises) that she was sleeping ON her stupid duvet. Now I have nothing to do and am confused because I have never been to Lakeside sober and I didn’t know how to leave. Should I stay and make sure she is okay or should I just try and find my way back to the bus stop? After much debate on MSN with Niamh (whereby her helpful advice was along the lines of “it’s up to you Winnie, okay I’m going to go eat noodles now byebye”) I decide to risk it and find my way back. I put the dustbin by her bed and a glass of water on the table. And leave. (I didn’t want her to make a mess in her lovely tidy room)

I finally get out of Lakeside after asking random people. Yes. They must think I really am a stupid foreigner. I blink blankly and innocently at them and go "excuse me, I'm really sorry but how do I get out of here?" I also find the water bottle that we had lost because Miss Brunell decided flinging it everywhere would have been funny. It was absolutely fucking freezing (the reason being I had unknowingly left my hoody at Lakeside…only knew about it the next day). Yay I find the bus! I get on the bus and pass out. By some miracle I wake up at my stop and I stumble home.

Result #1 (of my actions as the coolest captain ever): The second team I believe have a very unique rapport going on.

Result #2: Miss Brunell did not pass out in a bush in the middle of nowhere.

Result #3: I got to know a few people from my team a bit better. Everyone is absolutely lovely.

Result #4: I had a quality day and I sincerely hope the others did too. I actually still piss myself when I think of the number of times I managed to take back my hat from Miss Brunell.

I dedicate this blog to all my second team players. New and old, thanks for the season. Each and everyone of you are actually very lovely people. And also I am sorry if I let you down in any way (football-wise or not). But I do think you all are lovely. Special mention to Holly for getting MOTM and Siany for doing an excellent job as stand-in captain. And also to Boz and her Oxford mate passed-out Emma for making/giving the shitmix. And Becky Ward for driving the minibus and putting up with our drunkeness. And of course to Miss Brunell. You're fucking hilarious when you're wasted mate. The next time you decide to get wasted please for the love of god make sure I am there too so I can laugh at (and with?) you.

I like to say I write to inspire. So, albeit all this up myself crap I guess my message today is this. If you have a low self confidence like I do most days, and suddenly you have a “good” spell where you don’t need to hide in your cupboard (or under the bed, or in a dark corner, or…well you get my point), write about it. Or at least remember how you felt and perhaps it’ll give you some form of hope that you can build on this good spell. Because really everyone should be a little up themselves once in a while. It’s lifted me slightly and (hopefully) has not been any adverse effect.

And also I know something fantastic is going to happen to me because my life is wonderful and I’ll be back to the cupboard hiding. So I guess enjoy it while it lasts. No point hiding in cupobards all the time. The constant darkness may impair your vision.

Oh and one more thing. Paracetomol + Alcohol in Empty Stomach = (Very, Very Bad Idea)^100000000.

Winnie out.


- 28 comments by 1 or more people Not publicly viewable

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  1. You rule. It was truly a great way to end the season.

    08 Feb 2005, 23:53

  2. niamh

    alanis morrissete: When will i stop leaving baby?
    When will I stop deserting baby?
    When will I start staying with myself?

    Oh these little projections how they keep springing from me
    I jump my ship as I take it personally
    Oh these little rejections how they disappear quickly
    The moment I decide not to abandon me

    niamh: winnie you're gorgeous and amazing and irrespective of whether you proclaim this in a blog, people know anyway

    i'm going to make noodles. and think about the things i need to think about

    09 Feb 2005, 13:02

  3. winnie, i am always glad to be of service. i was also wasted and threw up when i got home (the bus ride was evil). you rule. you looked fucking stunning on monday night, and i'm sure i-n will agree ;) emma s WILL be coming up soon so we'll get that beautiful shit mix made up again.

    as for the cupboard, it was a minature native american in there. and a cowboy. not a winnie. i am confused…

    09 Feb 2005, 17:13

  4. Er Boz I think you're getting me mixed up. Because I am no cowboy nor native american nor miniture. I am also not the ugly boy who put them both in teh cupboard in the first place. I think I was in the larger cupboard (which I can actually fit into) next to the one you're thinking about…

    09 Feb 2005, 23:20

  5. niamh

    winnie.. in a large cupboard….hmmmm
    you are so far in the "cupboard" you're in narnia
    say hi to aslan for me

    10 Feb 2005, 12:57

  6. ah yeah, the cupboard next to it. where they keep the horses. a bit smelly mind…

    10 Feb 2005, 14:26

  7. what are you talking about Niamh? You do realise I am a science student and only have books called Science: THE TRUTH volumes 1–1,000. And I only watch films about Science: THE TRUTH on National Geographic, Technology TV and Discovery Channel.

    10 Feb 2005, 15:50

  8. the lion, the witch and the wardrobe you ignorant twats!!! OMAG. where they all go into the closet and find a lovely alternative world where they befriend the lovely king lion ASLAN and skip through meadows with fawns and beavers and eat turkish delights etc…. NARNIA
    i'm surrounded by idiots

    10 Feb 2005, 16:12

  9. Come to think about it I'm sure I've come across what you're blabbering about in Science: THE TRUTH volume #278. I'm sure it was just giving an example about how what you're blabbering about is in fact NOT….the TRUTH….

    10 Feb 2005, 16:17

  10. P.S. Boz my cupboard is only for ME. No horses nor cowboys nor native americans nor you nor Niamh nor lions. JUST ME.

    10 Feb 2005, 16:18

  11. er winnie u cant just usurp aslan from his throne you know.. first of all you would need to be WHITE and have three more siblings ALSO WHITE who would be the chosen humans to benevolently rule the beautiful kingdom of narnia. which would mean you'd have to come out of the closet at least for a while to get a "race-change", change your name to susan and recruit some people stupid enough to act as your siblings… and even then when u all went back into the closet i dont know if you'd be able to defeat that white witch. cos she has turkish delights. but there are beavers to help you.

    10 Feb 2005, 16:22

  12. How the HELL did me talking about my low self confidence and the fact that I METAPHORICALLY (a word that your kind use) hide in a cupboard end up with you ORDERING me to become WHITE and also have three more siblings ALSO WHITE? And Susan is such a pansy name.

    10 Feb 2005, 16:30

  13. well i guess you could be called lucy instead but she's actually the real loserish one tho she does discover narnia first so is probably more fitting to your situation.. but another negative is that she's a bit fat.. susan is quite pretty. alternatively you could also have a sex-and-race-change and become either peter (might be a good idea becuase he is the actual king of all of them) or edmund, who's a bit like prince harry i think in his mischeivious and sort of "rogue-come-good" character.. i dunno winine. up to you. or you could actualyl have a "species-change"... turn into a lion and actually dual aslan for the throne.. the possiblities are endless

    10 Feb 2005, 16:35

  14. Well which one do you think I should be? Or more likely which one suits me the best? I suppose Susan (even though I don't like the name) because she is (apparently) "quite pretty"...

    10 Feb 2005, 17:45

  15. Are you two quite finished hurling racist abuse at each other?

    10 Feb 2005, 20:29

  16. Er Holly did I hurl any racist abuse towards Niamh? The coolest second-team captain EVER would do no such thing!! I think if you look carefully Niamh has been doing all the hurling…

    11 Feb 2005, 00:06

  17. NIAMH

    hurling: a skillful gaelic irish sport involving much skill and irishness
    hmmm… irish and skillfull.. what does that remind you of .. yes and winnie YOU SAID IT

    11 Feb 2005, 00:20

  18. I have absolutely no idea who it reminds me off. You know, I really did ask God for normal friends….

    11 Feb 2005, 15:23

  19. niamh

    fucks sake .. i asked god for white friends…....

    11 Feb 2005, 15:29

  20. Well you have PLENTY of white friends do you not? So God answered your prayers. In fact you have so many white friends I'm beginning to wonder if you are racist….

    11 Feb 2005, 15:31

  21. She's not a racist, she hates everyone.

    And she doesn't have that many white friends, there's erm… and… er… ummm… in fact Winnie, you're not white and you're her only friend!

    11 Feb 2005, 16:15

  22. no i just hate you holly.
    yeh if all my white "friends" are like you thank god for asians!!!

    i take back all the things that i said (i didnt realise i was talking to the living dead) about our fellow yellows.. which is the title of my new song which is going to be unleashed tonight at kelseys in front of matthew kelly!!! woooooo!

    11 Feb 2005, 20:15

  23. One minute you say how you asked God for white friends. The next minute you're thanking God for Asians as your friends. If I were God I'd be quite a little bit confused.

    And Holly I don't hate you! :D

    13 Feb 2005, 19:43

  24. niamh

    vagina face

    peck peck peck
    nod nod nod

    kakakakakakkakakkakakakkakakakakakakkakak

    16 Feb 2005, 01:09

  25. Er…do I know you?

    16 Feb 2005, 13:03

  26. no but i kno you veeeeeeeeeeeery welllllllllllllllllll
    (nod nod nod)
    we were separated at birth
    we are two elements of the same compound. i have returned to amalgamate with you and reclaim my rightful place in the journal of science :the truth
    kakakakakakakkakakkakakakkakakakakakakka

    16 Feb 2005, 15:52

  27. How can we be two elements of the same compound when I am not a crow like you? I do not peck nor do I go kakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakaka

    16 Feb 2005, 17:29

  28. LeanSister1.2

    Lean IN! (<- Haha… Geddit?)

    Hey you! So two months of checking your blog has finally paid off and I can now add a comment! Is life really so uneventful there that you have no words of inspiration (or at least just sadistic humor) for those of us who are stuck online at ungodly hours of the night? That is why you need to see me at last twice a year… =)

    Aight so here's my list of unnecessary comments:

    1. As a science student, you should know that you can get alcohol poisoning from drinking dodgy mixes so as your friend I will share with you the recipe for the only consumable vodka based drink… Vanilla vodka, lime juice, mint and sugar syrup! T's twist on a capriossca which is heaven and such a simple combination of flavors that when done correctly is like a party in your mouth! =)

    2. This gangsta hat you speak of… by any chance a fedora? Tres cool… Got myself two last year and only ever wear them when writing coz it makes me feel like a writer with a ciggie hanging from my mouth… Which reminds me… Tell me to tell you about the story where I dropped it…

    3. I recall around 7 years ago I let you into my cupboard and then you decided it was so fun in there that you wanted to start your own and then you stopped coming into mine and we'd compete on weekends for who could join and blah… At least we're out of the closet now, eh? =) Or at least me!

    4. Did I mention I miss you =) and that you are amazing and just brilliant.

    Peace and Love Always.

    21 Feb 2005, 16:57


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