July 02, 2005

The Worst Day In The World

Yes. The worst day in the world has come. And for the every smart arse who reads this: No, itís not because Iíve blogged, prat.

I suppose I should have prepared for something bad to happen, my day properly started off by being awoken from a lovely DREAM (considering that I've been having nightmares EVERY time I've slept for the last…as long as I can remember) by the even lovelier stupid wife NIAMH JUMPING into my lovely bed and going GOOD MORNING WINNIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! directly into my ear. Hmm yes. I could have bricked her.

Then all hell broke loose. Tuesday 28th June 2005 around midday. My stupid sister discovers A LONG STRAND OF WHITE HAIR!! We were in the kitchen, instead of making normal sister-sister banter/conversation, she looks at me with eyes wider than the Atlantic Ocean and points at the above mentioned.

My heart sank, I could have actually cried there and then. The maternal family curse of the early-age white hair has reached to me. DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIECRYCRYCRYCRYCRYCRY. The last time I had white hair was when I was like 10 years oldÖthat one strand of white hair which was dutifully PLUCKED out and thrown away and never to resurface again, until now (actually it was a really funny story. I was in Sydney, in the car with my cousins their huge dog, my cousin was like "Winnie is that Tuggie's grey hair or is it yours…wait…oh my God it IS yours!!"). Plucked and destroyed.

Oh and it gets better. Yesterday we had a white hair search-and-DESTROY session. My sister found (and dutifully plucked and discarded) FOUR LONG WHITE HAIRS. I could have cried for Malaysia during the ENTIRE rainy season. I was very very sad and distressed. Oh the pain, the sweet pain. The defensive walls around my protected white-hair free world has crumbled down within the pluck of an unwanted hair. It is the end of my vain world as we know it, and the beginning of something perhaps much much worse.

Now one may ask ďWhy are you being so melodramatic Winnie? Itís only a bit of white hair, I knew this girl who was completely white by the time she was 22Ē, or like ďFor fucks sake Winnie itís only 4 strands of hair you canít even see anythingĒ. And Iíll tell you why. My HAIR is my THING. I have the best hair on CAMPUS. I have the best hair AROUND. Donít believe me? Letís meet up, Iíll let you look at it, feel it and smell it. Go on then. Go on. Go on. You wonít regret it. Maybe you and my hair can spend some quail-tay time together. My hair will have you begging me for secrets of how I keep it so wonderfully. Secrets that I will take to my grave, mind. Ask anyone I know. I have lovely hair. And if they donít say that I have lovely hair, tell me who they are and they, like my white hair, will be plucked and destroyed from our very existence.

So how can one have the best hair in the entire world when itís slowly becoming all WHITE?!?!?! Why God why??? Why do you take away the one and only asset I have? Iím not exactly a hot bird, Iím short with thunder thighs and a fat ass but at least I had lovely hair to outshine the flaws. Ooh I also have nice feet but letís face it, who the hell cares about feet except a footologist, really. But now I have lovely WHITE-STREAKED hair.

A few people say itís because Iíve been very stressed (exams blahblahblah). Fair enough, but the white hairs found were as long as my normal hair, which means they have been there FOREVER. I have not been stressed FOREVER. So what is a girl-who-is-extremely-vain-about-her-beautiful-wonderful-hair going to do? What am I actually going to do?

Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear. Itís the end of the world as we know it. Oh. Dear.

Please pray for me, pray that the white hair will go away forever please please please Iím only little, Iím only 21 years old not 121 years old please please.

Well I'm going to run off towards the sunset, wailing and arms flailing.

(Yes I am backÖmuAHahhaAHahahahahahahahahaÖÖ..watch out!!! I may be leaving the country but Iím not going to leave this blogÖhow else will you be able to know if I am alive?)

(Okay I really should be packing and trying to fit everything in my suitcase-which-is-actually-larger-than-me, I am leaving in two days, so goodbye forever.)

- 30 comments by 1 or more people Not publicly viewable

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  1. Just appreciate how fortunate you are to have lived to this age and that the worst thing you have to worry about is a grey hair maybe?

    03 Jul 2005, 00:22

  2. hiiiiii wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeee!!!! io missssssssssssssssssssssssssss youuuuuuuuu. im in italy, and fucks sake, guess when im coming back?? like four days after you leave. oh my tragic life. anyway, i keep thinking about our BAND and how cool its going to be. so you better get practising this summer in malllayyyyyyyyyssiia. because when i get home i know ill have tons to write about so we are going to have a whole album ready by the first day of term. you better believe it. missssssss you. lovvvvvvvveeeee you.
    speak soon, jen xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    04 Jul 2005, 10:23

  3. winnie, dude, here's a senario in which things could definitely be worse:

    you wake up on a monday morning, hungover from the weekend and blerry eyed, slam your alarm clock off and try to go back to sleep, but, hey what's this? you reach over to the other side of the bed, and what do you find? that's right. philip scofield, a man reknowned not only for his fantastic presenting skills of GMTV, but also his shock of pure, white hair. you jump out of bed, startled and groaning, did i? did i?, and decide the best course of action is to pull on some clothes and go for a walk in the fresh, crisp, summer air. but OH NO! what's this? you open the door, you walk outside…IT'S THE SECOND ICE AGE and the world is covered in a think layer of white snow. You run back inside, to the warm and comforting arms of philip scofield, but as you do, you catch sight of yourself in the mirror. that's right. you have woken up as renee zwelleger.

    see? things could be a lot worse.

    05 Jul 2005, 11:12

  4. But Renee Zellweger is rather pretty and nice looking so that's actually BETTERER is it not? Hmm? Well? Yes? Hmmm?

    07 Jul 2005, 21:43

  5. Oh and hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Jennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn! Miss you too.

    07 Jul 2005, 21:44

  6. Amanda

    Firstly, that girl who was completely grey by the time she was 22 was actually my mums cousin. Do you listen to me! However, its not actually that bad as every time I see her she is a different shade of red/orange/saphire etc so really you'd never know she was grey now, 30 years later! There's always help at hand with the aid of marvelous colouring agents.
    Secondly 'not exactly a fit bird' I beg to differ. How can you sit and keep quiet and just look pretty if you aren't even fit! I'm joking!
    I think thats all, hope you are having fun in Malaysia. I think you should write a blog about the drama of jet lag and how it somehow takes you a million years to get over it! ;-)

    I love you! xx

    08 Jul 2005, 10:52


    loving it A LOT. i'm adopting it. FOREVER.

    i miss you winnie. i feel widowed. and i've cut my hair like shane from the l word! woooo! well not me presonally though i am extremely talented i think that would be stretching it but only a little.
    i'm going to pick some daisies now and wish i could wear dresses as glamourous as marilyn monroe.
    love, hugs, pecks, nods and slobbers xxxxx

    09 Jul 2005, 14:26

  8. This amused me. But most things do at 2am when you've been travelling all day. However I think this will still be funny tomorrow…

    10 Jul 2005, 01:27

  9. Amanda

    Niamh have you ACTUALLY had your hair cut like Shane? OMAG….....

    10 Jul 2005, 02:51

  10. Amanda

    The reason its so funny Hol is because you can actually hear Winnie saying everything she's written, if you listen hard enough. Like a voice sent to haunt you. Although her voice doesn't haunt me, because then it would be like going out with a ghost…...

    10 Jul 2005, 03:06

  11. Well considering that I'm not there anymore perhaps I might as well be a ghost? In fact as a ghost you'd probably be "closer" to me than now….

    10 Jul 2005, 04:02

  12. Amanda

    ha ha ha, yes as a ghost perhaps I would be 'closer' in physical terms, but babe Im just not sure how much pleasure a ghost really can experience? interesting thought though!

    13 Jul 2005, 11:14

  13. nnnnnnnniamh

    of course a ghost can experince pleaseure amanda HAVE YOU NOT SEEN THE FILM "ghost" when sam inhabits oda mae's body and they dance and it's so romantic and lovely and touching until that twat bursts in with a gun??!!!! ahhh i LOVE that film.

    13 Jul 2005, 15:46

  14. Niamh how was the hairdressers? Every time I talk to you, you're on the way to the hairdressers. It is as if you are walking to the hairdressers which is in…I dunno….CHINA? Did you actually GO into the place this time? Did you actually SIT down while the hairdresser actually CUT and STYLED your hair? Did you actually PAY the shop for their services?

    14 Jul 2005, 13:26

  15. niiiaaaamhhhhh

    HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA winnie my darling, my dearest, my disturbed.
    of course i went this time. i had a lovely chat with the woman who cut my hair, about "why hairdressers arent stupid" (because they dont just learn about cutting hair, they also know all about sweat glands as well) errrr riiiiight. lots of tips for you then sweetheart. and now i have a flame licked (as opposed to grey highlighted)hohohohohoho mane, which i did have to walk all the way to the sahara desert for (youuuu… shhhoouuulllldd… haaaavvvveee…. boooooooought…aaaaaaa ….. squirrrrrellllllll) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH

    15 Jul 2005, 13:39

  16. Amanda

    ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Niamh thats soooo funny. 'Its a rrrrrace' . Yes you should have definately bought a squirrel, then you could have used it as a hair accessory to adorn your new hair style!

    15 Jul 2005, 18:43

  17. squirrelflamegirl

    HAHAHAAH MOOOMOOOO thats genius!! u could call me SQUIRRELFLAMEGIRL!!!! wooooo! i would be like a super hero that clutched nuts and stealthily scaled woody woodland areas…wait one lovelorn minute.. i ALREADY AMM SQUIRRELFLAMEGIRL!!! it's a rrrace! looking in the mirror right now actually, my pony tail does resemble a squirrel's bushy tail AND I DO LOVE CLIMBING

    17 Jul 2005, 13:58

  18. You love climbing? The only climbing I've ever seen you do is climbing up STAIRS. And not even climbing, more like STOMPING.

    17 Jul 2005, 14:25

  19. squirrelflamegirl returns

    squirrelflame girl does not STOMP winona. she GLIDES as stealthy as a little nifty fox on rollerblades on speed. that is as light as silk, as knowing as a educated seagull and as wise as one of those crows on the climbing frame waiting for th children in the school in THE BIRDS.kakakakakakakakaka peckpeckpeckpeckpeckpeckpeck

    17 Jul 2005, 14:35

  20. Moo Moo

    But whats your actual super hero power?? perhaps you could do like Oddjob in James Bond, except instead of a hat you could use nuts to propel at people like bullets. Thats not really a super power though, just more remeniscant of childhood playtime!!I'll leave you to think of one!

    18 Jul 2005, 00:15

  21. As the poor unfortunate who took squirrelflamegirl rock climbing once* I can confirm any squirrelisms are a smoke screen and not to be believed.

    I want to be a superhero.

    *She dropped me.

    18 Jul 2005, 14:05

  22. Amanda

    HA HA HA she dropped you, thats something I wish I'd seen! Winnie I just realised that you said you have nice feet…..my dear they are not as nice as mine….and your second toe is longer than your big toe…thats surely just not right!!

    18 Jul 2005, 22:32

  23. Er don't say it as if it's like a deformity! All you white peoples' toes are bent….THAT surely is just not right! I know we had the whole feet binding malarky but I think it's you who had your feet bound!

    21 Jul 2005, 13:57

  24. Amanda

    Errrrrr they are not bent…..they are elegant and beautiful….toes are supposed to get progressively smaller….not randomly increase/decrease like a hill programme setting on a treadmill…....

    22 Jul 2005, 17:54

  25. You're all crazy.

    22 Jul 2005, 17:55

  26. wo LeanSister1.2

    You ARE melodramatic!!! But I like humouring you so…

    Think Storm, Rogue, Richard Gere, Einstein, David Caradine, my dad (?!?!?!) =)

    It'll also be a lot easier to dye your hair ;)

    Ps. Two blogs is blogging a lot???

    02 Aug 2005, 10:45

  27. WELL I was rather busy "working" and hanging out with…well….you. And a blog for you.

    02 Aug 2005, 17:56

  28. Elspeth

    So I heard this thing about white hair that if you pull one out two grow back in its place.

    Boz- loving your worst case scenario story (I'm quietly pissing myself)

    Niamh- series one or two shane hair?

    I miss evryone :'(

    13 Aug 2005, 04:10

  29. Dear Elsbian. Please shut up and don't destroy my world any further. Love Winnie x

    13 Aug 2005, 14:46

  30. Niamh- series one or two shane hair?

    Am I the only person amongst us who hasn't seen more than the pilot of that damn series? Right, I'm getting those DVDs pronto and watching them all. Just to keep up with you lot, you understand, no other reason…

    13 Aug 2005, 20:21

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