The Worst Day In The World
Yes. The worst day in the world has come. And for the every smart arse who reads this: No, itís not because Iíve blogged, prat.
I suppose I should have prepared for something bad to happen, my day properly started off by being awoken from a lovely DREAM (considering that I've been having nightmares EVERY time I've slept for the last…as long as I can remember) by the even lovelier stupid wife NIAMH JUMPING into my lovely bed and going GOOD MORNING WINNIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! directly into my ear. Hmm yes. I could have bricked her.
Then all hell broke loose. Tuesday 28th June 2005 around midday. My stupid sister discovers A LONG STRAND OF WHITE HAIR!! We were in the kitchen, instead of making normal sister-sister banter/conversation, she looks at me with eyes wider than the Atlantic Ocean and points at the above mentioned.
My heart sank, I could have actually cried there and then. The maternal family curse of the early-age white hair has reached to me. DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIECRYCRYCRYCRYCRYCRY. The last time I had white hair was when I was like 10 years oldÖthat one strand of white hair which was dutifully PLUCKED out and thrown away and never to resurface again, until now (actually it was a really funny story. I was in Sydney, in the car with my cousins their huge dog, my cousin was like "Winnie is that Tuggie's grey hair or is it yours…wait…oh my God it IS yours!!"). Plucked and destroyed.
Oh and it gets better. Yesterday we had a white hair search-and-DESTROY session. My sister found (and dutifully plucked and discarded) FOUR LONG WHITE HAIRS. I could have cried for Malaysia during the ENTIRE rainy season. I was very very sad and distressed. Oh the pain, the sweet pain. The defensive walls around my protected white-hair free world has crumbled down within the pluck of an unwanted hair. It is the end of my vain world as we know it, and the beginning of something perhaps much much worse.
Now one may ask ďWhy are you being so melodramatic Winnie? Itís only a bit of white hair, I knew this girl who was completely white by the time she was 22Ē, or like ďFor fucks sake Winnie itís only 4 strands of hair you canít even see anythingĒ. And Iíll tell you why. My HAIR is my THING. I have the best hair on CAMPUS. I have the best hair AROUND. Donít believe me? Letís meet up, Iíll let you look at it, feel it and smell it. Go on then. Go on. Go on. You wonít regret it. Maybe you and my hair can spend some quail-tay time together. My hair will have you begging me for secrets of how I keep it so wonderfully. Secrets that I will take to my grave, mind. Ask anyone I know. I have lovely hair. And if they donít say that I have lovely hair, tell me who they are and they, like my white hair, will be plucked and destroyed from our very existence.
So how can one have the best hair in the entire world when itís slowly becoming all WHITE?!?!?! Why God why??? Why do you take away the one and only asset I have? Iím not exactly a hot bird, Iím short with thunder thighs and a fat ass but at least I had lovely hair to outshine the flaws. Ooh I also have nice feet but letís face it, who the hell cares about feet except a footologist, really. But now I have lovely WHITE-STREAKED hair.
A few people say itís because Iíve been very stressed (exams blahblahblah). Fair enough, but the white hairs found were as long as my normal hair, which means they have been there FOREVER. I have not been stressed FOREVER. So what is a girl-who-is-extremely-vain-about-her-beautiful-wonderful-hair going to do? What am I actually going to do?
Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear. Itís the end of the world as we know it. Oh. Dear.
Please pray for me, pray that the white hair will go away forever please please please Iím only little, Iím only 21 years old not 121 years old please please.
Well I'm going to run off towards the sunset, wailing and arms flailing.
(Yes I am backÖmuAHahhaAHahahahahahahahahaÖÖ..watch out!!! I may be leaving the country but Iím not going to leave this blogÖhow else will you be able to know if I am alive?)
(Okay I really should be packing and trying to fit everything in my suitcase-which-is-actually-larger-than-me, I am leaving in two days, so goodbye forever.)