So last night I was dragged to this gay bar called Liquid (or LQ to those regulars). And when I say gay, do I actually mean GAY. GAYGAYGAYGAYGAYGAYGAY. I’ve been there once before last year. And then I remembered why I found it so bizarre. I have never ever been surrounded by so many gay men in me entire actual life. I almost actually felt like strapping my boobs up and stuffing my pants to be “one of the guys”, so I could fit in. It was actually unbelievable how many gay men there were.
The club was actually pretty sound, the music was some good dancy shit which I LOVE (since none of my friends over where you knobheads are really like that kinda thing…..do you hear that FRIENDS? Do you? Always only your stupid rock music and cheese.).
As the night progressed the place became more and more packed. Then it got REALLY packed, like literally there was a county of men. And then the best bit happened. A few of them started taking off their shirts. It’s actually quite amusing now that I think about it, you can’t really blame them, it was packed and sweaty and all that kinda sexy kinky talk. My mate was in heaven. I was just there for the articles. In all fairness, most of them had really nice bodies.
There were all shapes and forms of what we know as THE GAY MAN. We had super camp, uber camp, a little camp, camp camp, not-that-camp, I-thought-he-was-straight-camp, not-camp, too-camp, model-camp, ooh-nice-body-too-bad-you’re-gay-or-else-I-would’ve-jumped-you gay, gay-gay, too-gay, model-gay, not-gay-enough…..the list goes on.
And what about the lesbians you may ask? Well I was expecting butch dykey bristlers hovering around the place, but as the women were totally and completely outnumbered by a long long way, there weren’t many women at all. There were a few couples around (I think), they sorta just sat or stood together, not really acting “open” or couply. But the amusing thing was if you start chatting to one of the them, the other gives you the dirtiest look on the actual planet. Then of course after they find out you’re actually straight and you’re simply a fag-hag, or you’re gay but off the market, or you have cooties, their sneers and frowns turn into smiles and we’re all happy happy joy joy.
One other main thing I was reminded of was the lack of pulling. But then again, that applies to all types of clubs here. You don't really get people pulling in the middle of the dancefloor, one doesn't go out "on the pull" here. It's deffo an English thing isn't it. Pulling was a major culture shock for me. I remember my first ever pull when I came to England in my first year….hmmm yes he was rather fine. I thought I had my green card sorted out there and then.
Why am I telling you this? I don’t know really. Actually two reasons. Firstly, it made me realize how different the gay scene is over here. Secondly, it was just one of those things that got me thinking about my friends, about how I would have loved it if there were with me living up the experience. When I was at the club, whatever I thought in my head (for instance OH MY GOD that’s the gayest man I have ever seen in my entire life, or OH MY GOD how many men are there here? I want to hide in a corner and crycrycrycrycry) I would immediately wish my mates were here with me agreeing (or arguing) with me or just getting wasted or just…well….being themselves.
I wish I could combine home mates and uni mates, wish we could all hang out together because I’m selfish like that. One of the shitty things about being foreign I guess hey.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that to all those knobheads and dickmonkeys, you know who you are, I miss all of you. It’s Sunday today, we should all be in Bar Leam tonight. Even though I am 342897340923842934 miles away I’m still thinking of you. Start arranging where we will all be every Sunday night next year please, Kelseys perhaps? I hope you are all well and behaving.
P.S. Aren’t you impressed at how often I’m updating this thing? I’m impressed. So shut up and be impressed. Okay goodbye (forever).