September 20, 2005

I [Heart] Karaoke

Karaoke is awesome.

The story beings like this: I never, NEVER was a fan. In fact one might say I somewhat despised it. I could think of nothing worse than going up and singing a song (badly) while everyone looks at you and ducks for cover. You know how it goes. You’re in a Karaoke lounge (or anywhere involving karaoke) and someone is trying to sing Celine Dion’s My Heart Will Go On. And hits a bad note. As in reeeeallly really ridiculously badly. So bad your ears hurt and you cringe. You may even squeeze a few tears out. Well, exactly. Imagine if you’re the one causing the suffering. Would you really want to do that? Would you? Would you really want to cause that much extra suffering in the world? I think not.

But now, as I’m older and a little bit wiser, a bit better looking (with nicer hair), I have had a change of heart. After been dragged along to Karaoke with mates, I decided okay, the only time I’ll sing is when I’m drunk so that even if it’s bad, who the fuck cares because I’ll be drunk drunk drunk. Sort of the same line of thinking with me and dancing. So then I sat and I got drunk. And then I sang. Then I realised it got to be well fun. Where else can you sing Kylie’s Love at First Sight jumping and prancing about? Or Spice Girls’ Who Do You Think You Are? My favourites. It’s well fun.

Then as the Karaoke-attending sessions increased exponentially, my paranoia about what other people thought of my singing decreased slightly. But the beauty of it was that I wasn’t really standing and singing in front of loads of people. Some genius built a place whereby you get your OWN room. That’s right. So you have your own TV, and mics and you can sing whatever the hell you want in front of your mates. And a fancy smancy system where you can select via remote control your songs by artist, genre, title, top 20 or language. And personally I would rather sing like a dickhead in front of my friends as opposed to random strangers.

As I write about my newfound love for karaoke I have mental images of stupid Niamh prancing around singing Blondie or Alanis or whatever rubbish she likes. And flicking through the list of songs and then screeching OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS SONG!!!!! And then playing it 932094839 times for her to sing and for EVERYONE ELSE TO SUFFER. And Holly shutting her ears with her hands with a constipated look combining utter embarrassment, suffering and non-physical pain, then trying to bury her head into the couch ostrich-style the minute we sing Toxic by Britney. And Beerface singing like she’s the next American Idol. And then everyone singing “Theeeese Words are my own…………..I love you I love you I love you I love youuuuuuuuu”.

But really, it is actually, honestly great fun. I was never much of a singer, but with karaoke it’s just…great fun. I now know the next time any foreigner steps foot on my turf, I’m going to take them to a karaoke lounge. And even if you don’t sing, you can sit and drink and watch your friends either make twats of themselves or momentarily believe they have the potential to be the next Whitney Houston. And anyway, even if you suck, practice makes perfect innit.

Think about it, where else can you:

– Get 10-minute long Chinese songs, which, of course you have no idea how to sing it so you just watch the video (they actually all sound the bloody same);

– Sing Spice Girls or Britney without feeling ashamed;

– Sing in front of your friends only and not strangers;

– Pretend you’re singing with the whole group but really, you’ve turned the mic off;

– Be Gloria Gaynor for the moment singing “I Will Survive” (body language and hand actions included);

– Make up lyrics to songs on the spot, for example: “My loneliness is killing me, I must confess, I’m so horny (so horny), When I’m not with you I sleep around give me a sign…..hit my booty one more time”;

– Watch cheesy karaoke music videos;

– Have Eminem songs (no joke, try and rap a whole Eminem song, it’s classic. The best I could do was “Just lose it RAHRAHRAHRAHRAH, just lose it RAHRAHRAHRAHRAH”);

– Get Crazy Frog karaoke (no joke, bloody easy, just follow the words Ding ding dingdingdingdingding beep beep or whatever shit it is)?

Only. In. Asia.

This is the last entry of the Asian Diaries Summer 2005. No more karaoke for another 3 months. Goodbye forever.


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  1. Mathew Mannion

    In Asia, or our living room (although we don't play Hotel California every five minutes like all the Chinese karaoke bars I went in)

    20 Sep 2005, 12:03

  2. Never been to Asia, but have been to Mat's living room. And Winnie, you missed the greatest karaoke moment of all time that day me, Niamh and Els massacred 'Lady Marmalade' in the Bar in front of an uninterested crowd and Els' boss. Some day soon… now get back to Europe!

    20 Sep 2005, 14:14

  3. Hotel California? That I've actually never heard anyone sing karaoke before. And that song can't be killed that badly anyway, at least not as bad as Celine Dion's 'My Heart Will Go On' (crowd favourite) and Whitney's 'I Will Always Love You'.

    Holly, I heard about that infamous night. But I can assure you, the atmosphere here is something one must experience. Easter Football Tour 2005 in ASIA? Hmm….

    20 Sep 2005, 16:52

  4. Mathew Mannion

    The ultimate Karaoke song will always be Journey's Don't Stop Believing

    20 Sep 2005, 16:58

  5. What? No way! Bon Jovi's Always. Hands Down.

    21 Sep 2005, 13:48

  6. Mathew Mannion

    On your own maybe, but Don't Stop Believing is a group song!

    21 Sep 2005, 14:32

  7. PimpDaddy and Fembot

    Helllllloooo from your Yellow Brick Road walkers Down Under.

    Pimp has arrived and we are off on our quest to find the Wizard – Pimp wants to mack on the Wizard, while I am hoping he ust grants me a life ;)

    We have some comments:

    1. Words of wisdon: "I love my 10-minute song" and "Do not forget who introduced you to karaoke.. It's MATE not MATES who did" "Don't eat a bowl of noodles, then turn it upside down" (LS1.2 Doesn't understand the last one either)

    2. Do not underestimatethe corney HK karaoke videos because they are VERY influential… Look at all those Hongkie chicks who prance around with OCD whining about how their boyfriends died giving his cornea to you…. Hahhahahaa

    3. I think the appeal of K for you was the name of the place we went to 'Redbox'.... hahahahahahahahahahahahahaa

    4. And please credit me for the turn off mic thing because we all know you learnt that off me

    5. You forgot to mention that bottles of whiskey are cheaper at Redbox and they give you free snacks (I think)

    We're off to get wasted…. Been waiting for it to hit 12 so we don't feel like alkies… Much love and we're drinking for you babes!!!!!!

    Peace and Love,
    Pimp and Fembot

    Ps. Pimp says the 10-minute song gives him more fame than your pansy-assed 3 minute ones!

    26 Sep 2005, 03:30

  8. Ummie

    Love this entry. Karaoke definitely IS an asian thing, and the best part is belting out cheesy eighties songs!!

    Sorry I was just googling around….........

    10 Nov 2005, 03:06


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