All entries for Friday 25 February 2005

February 25, 2005

The Story of the Grumpy Taxi Driver and Meadow–Skipping

I went out last night. I was celebrating:

1. Not touching a drop of alcohol for 5 straight days. Bloody world record for me. Not that I’m an alcoholic, rather I am a victim of what I shall henceforth call: alcoholic influencism. Which, effectively, is when people are influenced to drink. Nature of influence could be enforced (gun-point style) or not. Maybe I'll talk about and develop this theory at a later date. Justification of my theory my means of an example: I hang out around the likes of (for example) Niamh (my lovely Siamese-twin-who-isn’t-actually-Siamese sheep barmaid), Boz (beerface) and Els (someone I’ve found who gets to the same level of wastedness as me when taking same quantity of alcohol units). See? Alcoholic influencism. Obviously I don’t hang out with only these three people. I’m not that lame. And also, please don't think that when I do hang out with these three people it's not always about drinking. But anyway that’s not the point.

2. Handing in my final assignment for the term. I can now go out every night and spend all day in labs. Score.

3. No more (work-related) all nighters for the rest of the term. Woooooooooooooo!

But that isn’t really the point of the story. Today I am going to talk about grumpiness as a whole. To start it off, I will tell you what happened last night so as to get me thinking about grumps. I will try and retell the account as accurately as possible. But to be honest I was wasted (celebrating remember?!) and at time of writing this I’ve only had about 6 hours sleep total in the last two days. And if you don’t know, I love and need my sleep. If you said to me: “Winnie, what are your hobbies?” I would include sleeping as one of them.

So anyway, yeah. Went out last night. At the end of the night, Niamh and her people want to go back to campus, leaving me and Janinio the only two knobheads who need to get back to Leam. Niamh + family are in cab. And basically me and J get in the same cab because driver agrees (well muttered, he was a bit grumpy) to drop them back into campus and then us in Leam (Parish Church) for agreed reasonable fee. Quality. Drive drops campus people off. J lives like 5937493 miles away from Parish church so I ask POLITELY if it’s okay if he drops J off at hers and me at Parish Church, and I’ll pay him a bit extra cash if he wants. AND THEN he goes off on one! He starts grumbling about how people always take advantage of him and stuff. So I’m sitting in the cab on my innocent and sweet ass thinking er….what is he on about. Why is he so bloody grumpy? It’s not even justified grumpiness (Hahaha, you liked that didn’t you? Justified grumpiness. Quality phrase. I might add that to “Winnie’s book of quality words, phrases and sentences”). We weren’t taking advantage of him (stop sniggering you sick freak), we gave us a price to get back to Leam and we agreed with no protest, I offered to PAY him for the bloody slight detour. So how is that taking advantage eh? He’s a bloody taxi driver too, he drives people where they tell him to.

I am a grumpy person. I’ve never denied that. Although I think a lot of people think I’m REALLY grumpy but honestly I’m not that bad. Just because I don’t smile lots blablahblahblah (yes Miss A. Lean? I know you’ll be commenting about this issue sooner or later) doesn’t make me a constantly depressed/unhappy/grumpy person. Things like my impatience, high expectations and maintenance requirements and stubbornness contribute to the end result which is grumpiness.

For example. I am the grumpiest in the mornings. Because I like my sleep, when I wake up in the mornings, I’m sleepy and tired and want to go back to bed. Justified grumpiness. A general rule of thumb is that if Winnie is awake in the mornings, she doesn’t talk until after 12pm. So if someone springs up infront of my face as if she’s just been skipping in the fucking meadows surrounded by butterflies and singing birds with the bright sun (with a smiley face) in the background and goes “Gooooooooooooooooooooooood morningggggggggggggg Winnieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” or something similar to that, let’s just say I will not return the love. I may actually brick them.

Another example. Right now I am very tired and hungover and a little bit hungry in fact. Because of that I am a bit grumpy because all I want to do is sleep but not going to happen.

I know it annoys people when one is constantly grumpy. I probably annoy people because they think I am constantly grumpy. But I don’t really get that annoyed with it, because being grumpy myself I can understand. However I do get annoyed at unjustified grumpiness. Like the cab driver.

I know I grumble a lot but to be honestly most of the time it’s just messing about. But what frustrates me occasionally is that people think I’m constantly grumpy just because I’m not smiling every 2 seconds. Or that I have a relatively low voice and I don’t take my voice up like 1000 tones when excitable like how some people do. Or that I am more of a listener than a talker; additionally I’m not very good with words [insert foreign joke here] and can never say the right things at the right times, so I choose not to speak in case I fuck up what I want to say. Or that generally I’m not a hippy hyper happy ho. Or the fact that when I am in a pensive mood and want to think about “life and stuff” I am very quiet and don’t smile. These are all my physical and character traits. I was born with it and/or my background and upbringing has made me the personality I am today. I guess what I'm trying to say is that when I am grumpy it is justified grumpiness. Of course there will be the occassional unjustified grumpiness. But the rest of it is just me. My personality and character. Me, myself and I.

I’m suddenly feeling very self conscious about this whole thing so I think I’m going to stop now. I like to think I’m deep and intellectual but currently I just feel like a tired and hungover fool who actually really is quite stupid and talks shit. I think I will go hide in my cupboard now.

Don’t really have words of “wisdom” on this account. But I suppose the moral of the story is this. If you are grumpy, make sure it is justified grumpiness. If not, you’ll just piss everyone off even more than usual. Yes understood that we are only human and you will have unjustified grumpiness, but honestly it’s not healthy. You don’t want to end up a “big fat grump” like me. So go and skip in the fucking meadows and make daisy chains.

So kids, theories/phrases you have learnt today, Winnie Fly style:
Alcoholic influencism
Justified grumpiness

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