All entries for Thursday 22 December 2005

December 22, 2005

Time to Sort Out My Life (Part 1)

So it has kinda hit me that a) Iím in my final year and b) I need to start thinking about jobs and c) I donít want to go home home.

Being at home home for the last two weeks has made me realise I donít belong here. Either that or Iím not ready to come home just yet. As much as I love seeing family and friends and eating amazing food and buying lots of cheap stuff I feel I have unfinished business to attend to first.

So anyway I have written (well okay typed) a list of possible options which I could do in order to stay in the country. Any other ideas (be it stupid or actually useful) are encouraged and welcome.

Winnieís List on How to Stay in the Country:

1. Get a job. Obviously the most direct and logical solution to problem. However whilst itís all fine and dandy, people do not seem to realise that a) it is very very difficult for foreign people to get jobs especially because of work permit issues, b) the foreign people who do get decent jobs here are basically brilliant and wonderfully clever, which, alas, I am not, and c) (somewhat related to previous two points) I need to actually GET the job first as in pass an interview (that would be a miracle).

2. Get any shitty job. Pub job. Sex job? But coming to think of it I donít even think that will work because will need work permit and hence same problems as in 1. So maybe scrap this point.

3. Live illegally by living in [insert nice personís name here]ís wine cellar/basement. Now I would probably have said Niamhís wine cellar/basement (the light of my lifeÖchoke choke cough cough) but the thought of Niamh owning a house at this point in time, which actually includes a wine cellar/basement is actually inconceivable to one's right mind at the moment. Considering that I make fun of her being a hippy who lives in a trailer. And trailers do not have wine cellar/basements And the fact that I said Iíll build her a house so she doesnít have to live under a bridge. Could get any shitty job as in point 2 but if Iím planning to become a millionaire by the time Iím 35 this isnít really the best way to start.

4. Take full advantage of the ĎScience and Engineering Graduate Schemeí. Just came across this and it totally made my day. Note to self must find out more about it. However itís only for a year. And the last time I checked a year does not equal to FOREVER. But I guess I can buy some time with this little baby.

5. Actually graduate so can take advantage of above points. No wait, actually DONíT graduate! Aha!

6. DON'T graduate i.e. fail year or find excuse to repeat year and/or degree. Solution however is, once again, short term.

7. Do another degree. In what though? Hippy studies?! And where? And Iíll be old!

8. Obtain a British passport illegally. Any ideas how to go about this?

9. Fake death.

10. Become asylum seeker. (Thanks Loser for reminding me)

11. (Level of desperate-ness increases exponentially with this and forthcoming points) Find rich man to marry (sex and children NOT part of deal, will live in separate housing and have separate lives), then eventually divorce and run away with all his money. If canít find rich then any decent man. If canít find any decent man then any man. If canít find any man then, well, erÖ..AHA! Civil partnerships have been implemented as of 19th DecemberÖ.

12. Find rich woman to marry (sex and children NOT part of deal, will live in separate housing and have separate lives), then eventually divorce and run away with all her money. If canít find rich then any decent woman. If canít find any decent woman then anyÖ..oh wait. Actually need first to find out if being in said civil partnership enables me to stay in country, because if not scrap this point.

13. (ABSOLUTE last last last last last last last last last last last last last last last resort) Consider being mail order bride. I actually cringed when I typed this. Oh. Dear.

Okay stupid ideas and pointless rambling over. Iím off to go swimming in the moonlight.


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