All entries for Saturday 25 December 2004
December 25, 2004
I just got ffk from one of my flatemates. I told her days ago we should have dinner together. She came knocking my door to return my Office Cd but when I asked her if she wants to eat, she said she has eaten! Potong stim betul! Sigh..
Oh well, I dont blame them..it takes generations to change people and as they are the first generation of students studying abroad, it's easy to understand they are what they are! A toast to China, To Greater Mankind Civilisation!!
Talking to Jes just now really made me thought hard about what religion will I take. I know mum has given all her children the liberty to choose whatever religion they want which is a good thing in a way but the bad thing is that it makes us more confused than ever. I know the reason of her doing so is that we live in a multiracial and multireligous country and she is afraid that I might marry someone of completely different race and religion. And the fact is I realised that I might tend to follow the religion of my partner or husband because I have not got one yet. Recently, I have met a few Christians and Tai Ku Mah has been giving me some pointers and the heed of God. Yeah I honestly think that it is a big possibility that I will decide to be a Christian. To a lot of people, they will say that I have been brainwashed..but dont you use this term whenever you tell a person more about your own religion! I think I would say that I have been enlightened by the people around me and I want to be a part of them too. Yes I am easily influenced, but if they were more Buddhists or other sects to tell me more about her/his religion, I think I would be more biased too to that religion. But there are no one to guide me or give me a signal! Mum prays and believes in Kuan Yin but she hasnt spread the word to me..all she ever says is, you must always do charity and help others in need, so as long as you dont do anything against your heart..you should be fine! It is not a very strong statement to lead me to somewhere..plus my inability to read traditional chinese words makes it even harder for me to read the "fat zhou" which I would want to do when I have made up my mind in whichever religion. But one thing I know for sure is that, it will take me time to decide and I hope God will understand my predicament! I wont drop a bomb on mum and say that I will be a Christian now and will not eat "the chicken that has been on the altar"! I cant do it..give me time..I'm sure one day mum will accept me for whatever I have become but it has to be gradual..
And if God were to accept me as a Christian I also hope that he understand that I respect my mum's religion and although I love her to death, I dont have the heart to tell her to change religion because in Lord she will be salvaged..Arghh..I really dunno..and all this while I have been to temples and I cant bear the fact that I will be so changed..but I think eventhough I turn to be a Christian, I will still "cheong ji heong" on Ching Ming to my ancestors..that is something that will not change! Will probably need to make it up to God with something else..something extra for this so-called act of betrayal..!!
I asked Lester what he thought and this is what he gave me "god is a loving, caring god, he strolls arnd the world to help the weak and poor, he gives warmth to them using a S700 Body Heater by Panasonic™. Praise Father Of All Things Good !"
Bugger!! That kid has got good brains although just 13!