All entries for Wednesday 04 October 2006

expectations

by the title ,the first thing to come to me ,is the song by black box recorder ,Girl Singing in the Wreckage.

it’s my primary instinct to protect the child
girl singing in the wreckagew
My dress is torn, my hair is wild
girl singing in the wreckagew
my first car,my early boyfriends
girl singing in the wreckagew
wet weekends,new years eve parties
girl singing in the wreckage
hour after hour, hour after hour
my 18th birthday, i’ll die of boredom
girl singing in the wreckagew
my private world is smashed right open
girl singing in the wreckagew
my 1st trip, my h4. *expectations *
i had a dream that it would end like this
no destiny, no destination
you hit the ground and then it stops
hour after hour,hour after hour
i miss my hometown,it’s nothing special
call my parents let them know i’ve arrived
my primary instinct is to protect the child
Send the postcard from the airport.

the very first time i heard this song is in a damn summer in hangzhou where the heat killed ppl and i had no idea what should i do next step, find a job ? get married? i’ve been wasting my life for 22years without any reward. fine ,im not a good student ,not really .and to be honest ,i prefer chemist or a direct rather than an English teacher. Worsely , i spent so much time in stuff has nothing to do with English ,such as SF ,sports, photography or PC games…....and i never got anything scholarship since high school,my parents must be disappointed ,hehe.at that time ,i was thinking ,am i really screwing up my life? where is the first dream i had ,where is the ppl who really care about me and where is the expectations i’d got when i was young.
anyway ,i don’t wanna talk about how i cheer up and finally got the direction of my way. just wanna say ,im here ,at the moment ,and i kno what’s gonna be most important now.so what i expect ,is to get the MA and much more crucial , to learn how to study aboard . i mean ,the life here ,is soooo different from China ,and i have to do everything myself without the hope of fluking. that’s would be great helpful to apply the PHD in U.S.A which is the priority thing of my life in the coming 1 or 2 years .So ,i have to take the TEFOL and GRE test and get great marks in my MA as well as get competitive reference letter. what im worry about at moment ,is how to pass these two exam during the busy year i have to work hard in my own courses.

anyway ,it’s not the end of the life whatever i’ve done b4 or whoever i’ve hurt. just wanna get through all of this ,and have my new life somewhere. i don’t need the sunshine ,so pls pay me more warm.

: 04 Oct 2006 22:36 |  Comments (1) |  Close comments |  Report a problem