So then you liked me
And then I felt smug.
In mourning for nice.
Yet there was no time for mourning,
When finally I had you,
(And in the having, lost you too)
The sum of my pathetic fantasies
That I had to lose, then missed
And amongst the crocodile tears,
Who I thought more wild and dangerous
Than my tears,
But now are tamed by my lack of thought.
So the you that I had found
Was not the one I sought.
And you found me in the change around,
Due only to the cruelties that we wrought.
For when niceties failed,
Sitting in the corner
I watched your lips curl into a laugh,
(I glimpsed you through mindís shadows)
Imagination might have made you snarl,
At my words that never were elegant enough,
To capture the illusion,
Nor shrewd enough to reveal delusion.
Harsh words eventually reached your ears
In a circle of slanderous gossip,
The adolescent equivalent
Of throwing paper balls in nursery,
And I saw you snarl,
(Teeth ripping fantasy away)
Though it could have been a smile,
At my lies that proved I cared.
(Cruel, no longer wonderful, you)
The dream became real,
Empty air became ice,
Then I realised you werenít ice, just nice.
And I no longer wanted you.