Update to Action point 2 on Becoming more Assertive
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My second action point from the workshop on Becoming more assertive, was to remain in the ‘ego-state of the adult’ during discussions, arguments or deliberations over the last five weeks.
Over the last month or so I have not found myself in many environments prone to arguments or discussions. However, when I have been dragged into potential confrontations, I have found that I have effectively remained in the adult ego-state. Remembering what I had learned from the workshop, I have tried to remain calm and composed when someone has tried to put me, deliberately or otherwise, in the ‘child’ or ‘parent ego-state’.
However, there have been occasions as there always are, when I have found myself slip out of the ‘adult ego-state’ and I have found it hard to rectify my spirited and emotional reactions. As unfortunate as this is, these kinds of mistakes are inevitable when you are trying to improve yourself and I am prepared to learn from both successful and failed experiences.
That said, I feel that even the knowledge of the three ego-states of Transactional Analysis has put me in good stead for the future. I will always try to remember to remain in the ‘adult ego-state’ no matter what others do or say. I am a lot more controled than I used to be in heated debates or discussions, however I know there is always room for improvement.
It is great that you were able to recognise when you were able to stay in the Adult state and when emotions took hold and you went into a different ego state. I studied TA about 12 years ago and even now I can occasionally slip into an ego state that I didn’t want to go in. I am getting better at it but even now, I can surprise myself.
But great that you were able to recognise after, these are learning experiences and as you say mistakes are sometimes inevitable.
Do bear in mind however that sometimes the other ego states can be useful. Having a laugh with friends means that it is good to be in a free-child state with them. If you are in the adult state when people are having fun, you might end up irritating people or not be invited to future fun gatherings. Nurturing parent can also be useful if someone is having a really bad day. Sometimes a sympathetic ear and soothing voice can work miracles. The key is to use them when you want to use them and when you feel the ego state will benefit the situation.
23 Jul 2014, 06:25
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