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November 06, 2006

Rules of the road

I’ve had to do a fair bit of driving over the past three months or so, on such lovely roads as the A45, M6, M40, A14, M1 and A1. It doesn’t matter which of these roads, which part of them or what time of day, there will always be drivers who insist on doing things which are no less than infuriating. As a summary of my observations, I would like to offer some friendly advice to all motorists out there:
  • The middle lane of the motorway is not your living room, so please do not take up residence there and make yourself comfortable. If the lane to the left of you is empty, move into it so I don’t have to get annoyed and undertake you.
  • The outside lane of the motorway is most definitely not your living room, so do not sit in it because you like the view of cars going in the opposite direction. Please move over to the middle or left lane so that I don’t have to get annoyed and undertake you.
  • If you have pulled out into the middle or right lane to overtake someone, please move back over to the left once you’re done. Just because you might want to overtake that lorry that it 3 miles ahead does not mean you should sit in the middle/right lane irritating people who want to overtake you.
  • Just because you’re pretentious enough to own a Mercedes, it doesn’t mean that you own the road. Get over yourself.
  • Just because you’re pretentious enough to own a BMW, it doesn’t mean that you own the road. Get over yourself.
  • I do not have the telepathic ability to tell when you are going to change lanes/exit a roundabout/make a turning. This is why indicators were invented – please use yours.
  • Oh, and please use them in good time, i.e. before you start changing lanes/turning.
  • Driving like an idiot is dangerous enough. Now why exactly are you doing it whilst talking on a phone at the same time?
  • If there is a speed limit of 30/40/50/60 I will drive at that speed. That is the general idea of speed limits. If you do not understand this concept I suggest you read your Highway Code rather than tailgating me like a fool. If you go into the back of my car then the accident will be your fault, so unless you have a strange desire to spend money and raise your insurance premium, keep your distance.
  • If I am stuck in a queue of traffic, you can edge as close to my bumper as you like, I can’t move anywhere. The 100 stationary cars in front of me may be a clue as to why…
  • Owning an Audi A3/A4/A6/TT and driving at 55 mph on the motorway is offensive. Please give me your car so I can show you how to drive it properly.
  • Leaving your full-beam lights on while I am coming in the opposite direction will mean that I am blinded, and could potentially lead to an accident. It is neither big nor clever.
  • Fog lights – the clue’s in the name. For the record, rain is not fog.
  • I am not overtaking you to cause you offence, I just need to be somewhere faster than you. Do not scowl at me as I pass, and most definitely do not start speeding up as I pull out.
  • Don’t pull out into a crawler lane just because it’s there. It’s a misleading name, I know, but you’re actually supposed to go faster once you’re in it.
  • I know that a 4×4 makes driving in the countryside easier and I won’t question your reasons for buying it if you only live and drive in the city. But please don’t think it gives you the right to ignore road signs/markings and imagine you are driving cross-country.
  • One car goes into one car parking space. It’s a simple concept really.

If you have anything to add to the list, please feel free to tag on a comment!

Happy driving everyone…
V xx


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