All entries for Tuesday 12 June 2007

June 12, 2007

Sadness

I think letting go is not as hard as it seemed at first…
Now I’m trying to let go of everything…
but there’s a paradox in this act…

Why do we have to struggle, then, if letting go is the key?
Why do I have to attain this degree when I should be living on bare necessities in some hermitage…?

Indian Philosophy may provide the answer.. everything develops in its own way, in its own stages…

Not yet a Sanyasi, haven’t accomplished anything in life to share with others or contribute to the good of others, I will have to do what I have to do…

Then, where does this sadness come from?
It comes from my not being to get the big picture… or I do grasp it but find myself not willing to accept it…

Yeah,
I finally realise that life is just a solitary trail towards nothingness.

We come alone, we finally leave this world alone.
To cling on to loved ones is natural.
To be deeply attached with families and friends and objects…
is very natural.

But blindedly doing so can sometimes cloud the fact that, to our dismay, everything comes and goes.

To see through all that, to understand mutability, makes you feel utterly miserable…at first… this is the cause of my sadness…
for I think I’m currently on this stage.. The basic stage…

I feel sad riding on the bus missing home
or seeing friends off at the rail station

I feel utterly sad seeing the changes visible on the faces of people I love on the photos they’ve sent…

I feel worried reading the news about the political situation in Thailand

I feel worried when I sit thinking about my work and my studies…

I feel scared of losing my loved ones… afraid that they would be snatched away from me by their own wrath or claws of death

One of the Buddha’s most brilliant disciples said that to solve a problem, you must look at the roots where it stems from…

Mr Keats tried… in his own way

============================================

But when the melancholy fit shall fall
Sudden from heaven like a weeping cloud,
That fosters the droop-headed flowers all,
And hides the green hill in an April shroud;
Then glut thy sorrow on a morning rose,
Or on the rainbow of the salt sand-wave,
Or on the wealth of globed peonies;
Or if thy mistress some rich anger shows,
Imprison her soft hand, and let her rave,
And feed deep, deep upon her peerless eyes.

She dwells with Beauty -Beauty that must die;
And Joy, whose hand is ever at his lips
Bidding adieu; and aching Pleasure nigh,
Turning to poison while the bee-mouth sips:
Ay, in the very temple of Delight
Veiled Melancholy has her sovran shrine,
Though seen of none save him whose strenuous tongue
Can burst Joy’s grape against his palate fine:
His soul shall taste the sadness of her might,
And be among her cloudy trophies hung.

==========================================

But Mr Keat’s still lost in his trying to get rid of this melancholy thing…
since he still believes that extreme pain can be compensated by exteme joy… he does not get the picture that there is no such thing as an extreme joy or an extreme pain…

Sadness stems from ignorance…
I’m sad because I’m stuck in this humanly ignorance…

Lost in the very “maya” or illusion which propels the sale of anti-ageing cream, fancy cosmetics, and the like…

The very “maya” which makes me feel extremely stressed when it comes to work at hand…

Sadness… what does it yield in the end?

The ultimate stage would be to feel deeply content.

To be awaken and let the tide brings whatever it brings…
let time take us to wherever it takes us…

I hope I can attain that contentment…
and you too, my family and friends…


June 2007

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