All entries for Sunday 13 August 2006

August 13, 2006

My family

me and papaPapa and myself when Am and I reached home from KLIA, Kuadik's wedding night…i was so happy..tired..but happy…I just could not believe how a year could change Papa's appearance…he looked much older than I imagined…

GirlsPapa's girls….Mama lost a lot of weight I was stunned…but deep inside I knew that she's sad that Kuadik was going to leave her….I always feel that Mama's okay with me not being with her all the time..kind of got used to that…but Kuadik…she's with Mama her whole life…and…I can understand that Mama did not take it really well when Kuadik finally got married…and..now that Kuadik is following her hubby overseas…just can't imagine if I were in Mama's shoes…seriously….in the pic, far right is Kakak, then Kakchik, Mama in the middle, then Kuadik..then me…

KuadikZul

Kuadik and the new addition to our family…Zul…they are expecting a princess January next year…I really miss Kuadik…

Missing home

I miss home…miss being with my family…Mama, Papa,Kakak, Lop, Kakchik, Kuadik, Kuzan…all of us spending time together….when was the last time that we actually did that?Really–really took some time off from anything else and then just spent time with each other???

What's happening to us? Everyone is doing his/her own routines in life, minding their own businesses…and myself and Kuadik being far away from the rest…really adds to the problem…yes..the main problem…is…us not sticking to each other….well..maybe that is what growing up is all about…and then..before you realise that you really need each other…suddenly time envies you…each and everyone of us will definitely be taken away and then you notice that your life will never be the same again when one of us has finally gone…then you have this regrets that you wanted to share a lot of things with him/her…but you know that that will never happen…ever….

I really have thought about it a lot…and each time after solat I pray and pray and pray to be granted more time in this world so that we could be together again…..I miss being with Mama and Papa…

I've left home since 13…and since then I had never really spent more then a year with my family…after school there's A–Level, then University..and University…and…then what???I'm 27 and who knows what will happen to me tomorrow?Allah knows the best…

Ohh Allah forgive my family, forgive me....


I have no life

Counting days till Am is back in my arms….tawakkal to Allah he arrives here safely…told him to not to carry anything on board except the stuff they let you…and to put them in the ridiculous 'see–through' plastic bag….also told him to be careful such that no one will interfere his bag…this time..you can never trust anyone…plus the fact that we bare the names of those names that these psycho–maniacs lurrrrve to fitnah…bloody–hell…who do they think they are…I am a Muslim and very proud to be one….people can look at the hijab on me in disgust but I am a servant of Allah and He knows best…

Watched Hindi Film just now…quite interesting..a bit out of the norm of having too many dancing, storylines based on love…hockey sticks…well..except police and railway!!!They are on almost all of Hindi Films that I ever watched….....and earlier Abg Bob cooked lamb chop…and as usual..everyone here thought of me hubby in Germany..especially whenever we consume Allah's rezeki…

..and whilst other of me friends talk about their joyous moments of motherhood….and preparing to be one…me…I'm alone, all by myself…wanting to have a child of my own…my rezeki is not there yet…appointment with the fertility clinic on the 26th of October…b****y hell I have to wait that long….there is a hikmah behind all these I succumb to You Allah….

I know that everyone here treats me and Am as part of their family, but still..I crave the moments when I actually have my own life..having my own place to live, with Am…only both of us in a house…being able to hug him freely whilst watching the telly…as much as being thankful to Allah…I also long for my independance…

..but I still have to send a lot of money to home, to pay Kancil, and to give Mama and Papa and Kuzan…this hinders me from stepping out of Abg Bob's house…I'm really broke…until Am could find an innocent job, I'm trapped in this 'castle'...

Can you believe that in this world there are still someone like Kak Yong and family, letting us stay with them, giving us the honour of sharing every single moment among themselves with us,making us feel that we are a part of them…without even asking us anything for return…not even money….??

Ohh Allah...give us hidayah....


August 2006

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