All entries for Sunday 08 July 2007

July 08, 2007

Err…no title?

After watching Cheaper by the dozen, I suddenly realised the biggest sacrifice my parents ever made…

...letting us go…whenever we wanted to go…letting us do…whatever we wanted to do…

They would have been the controlling type of parents, kept us all by their sides all the time..together…would have said no to the boarding school…to studying overseas…watching us grow right in front of their eyes instead…

..but no…

..they knew that each and everyone of us has our own dreams, ambitions…

..They let us go…well..apart from Kakak..I knew that she had to turn down the offer to stay back in the UK after finishing her studies because Mama did not let her…that’s probably the price that she had to pay for being the eldest in the family…but nobody will ever forget how she sacrificed to support all of us…

..when I think back, we did not spend much time together…Kakak, Lop and me for instance….we went away as early as 13…after boarding school there’s A-Levels, matrics, unis….

me….now I’m 28….between 13 and 28, I think that I only spent around 2-3 years with my family in total…

My heart says that I should be at home right now…

...but…’s not that easy….my life is too entangled right now…


Biler Nadal nak menang nih???

A moment with..

What I am trying to do now is to remember a moment when I was with…

One late night, it was my last day before my flight back to the UK, I was busy doing a pudding for everyone (learned it from Cikgu Rohidah many days earlier), it was only me and Mama in the kitchen…I was busy talking to her…she was suddently quiet…and suddenly cried….I guess that the pain of being apart for me again was too unbearable to her…

It was my first time in the UK, it had been about a month since I left home, I was in Arthur Vick hall, it was the first time I called home…I heard Papa’s voice…and suddenly he cried….I won’t forget that moment forever…

I was still small, but I still remember…I fell asleep in Mama’s room….Kakak carried me so gently to the other room….

He picked me up from school using Papa’s van, our cat was in that van. When I got into the van, I held the cat on my lap…on our way home, Lop asked me to let the cat go…I was totally mental and opened the van’s door to release the cat while the van was still moving, then Lop shouted and asked me to quickly close the door because what he meant was just to get the cat off my lap!

That unforgettable night when she made Papa cried…it was too intense such that I cried the whole night….but then I knew that what she did was totally because of her true love to Thomas…

The day she got married….I was so overwhelmed…I wanted to do so much but I didn’t do that much as I got home from UK that night before the big day. I only slept an hour or so, preparing for a speech, but the wedding day was so jumbled up and disorganised such that there was no speech at all. I had to do something for her, so I made a total fool of myself and sang a song to her instead..the Saloma song…but luckily most of the guests had left…

I was so proud of my cute litter brother, when he came to SEMSAS, I showed off and brought him to the classroom…everyone in the class adored him!

To everyone back home….I want you to know that I love you all so much…

Where is it?

Where’s my confidence?

That confidence that I once possessed?

That brought me once that far…

That one time gave me strength to do whatever to achieve what I wanted to achieve?

Have I totally lost it?

can I ever reclaim it?

Mak Aii hensemnyer

Aku ni selalu terlupa beruntungnya aku….

...rupanya cun giler Am ni….


...ada tak agaknya org jealous biler tengok Am yang cun ni ialah suami aku ….aku yg hidung kemek dan gigi berlapis-lapis ni?

Tak caya Am hensem?

Cuba tgk gambo ni…

Am Hensem

This is one of the best photos of him…


Aku tak pernah putus daripada berdoa utk kedua ibu bapa kami, Mama, Mama Kuantan, Papa, arwah Abah….

Aku harap2 sangat Mama dan Papa redha dengan aku….dengan apa yang aku buat sekarang ni…....duduk jauh daripada mereka..carik rezeki di sini…carik pengalaman…belajar hidup susah…aku tahu, masa makin lama makin berlalu, mereka makin lama makin tua…tapi aku sentiasa berdoa agar mereka dipanjangkan umur, kami berdua dipanjangkan umur, supaya kami dapat membalas budi mereka….walaupun kecik sebesar zarah kalau nak dibandingkan dengan pengorbanan mereka….banyak yang aku nak buat…bawak mama ngan papa gi haji, operate mata papa, belikan rumah, bawak mama ngan papa jalan ke sini…hadiahkan cucu…

..aku harap sangat aku sentiasa dapat peluang bantu kirimkan duit kepada ibu bapa kami sampai bila-bila…

....aku harap sgt aku jadik anak yang baik utk Mama dan Papa….

...aku harap sangat utk sentiasa jaga tutur kata, tak meninggikan suara, jaga hati mereka….

Ya Allah jadikanlah aku anak yang taat ya Allah…..

..jangan jadikan aku anak yang derhaka….

..Tolonglah kami agar kami dapat bantu kedua ibu bapa kami…

..tapi bila Kau kurniakan kesenangan kepada kami, janganlah pula Kau lalaikan kami daripada kewajipan kami….

July 2007

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