All entries for Monday 02 April 2007

April 02, 2007

No title

I’ve lost touch with the sense of happiness…

A lot of stuff is in my head…worries…of the uncertainties…I’m not able to be calm now….sad…anger…everything’s mixed up…..

I told Am that…my aim of being here…a little bit longer….might not work out after all…we’re…pratically broke now….just now was the very first time when I told him that it’s okay for me if we’re to go back home…for the first time I was really considering of going back home for good….I was really fed up being here…too tired of hoping that some people would understand…

..one day I even asked Am…do people look at us and think that we’re from wealthy families?Really….it’s not making sense anymore…why do some people think that only they have family problems…I have too…Am as well…lately we had to send quite a lot of money back home, and now…we’ve got nothing… I don’t regret sending the money, my only regret was not being able to send more…because someone else has my money!!!!!

...today is the first time in my life when…I could not take out any money from the bank at all…yet we were short of £20 to pay our rent…both of us were really sad because….we just didn’t know how to face her..tell her that…we’re desperate…we could not hold ourselves much longer..we need what’s ours back….not bits by bits…the whole lot of it…

Alhamdulillah Allah Gave us hope….I’ve got a call from the paper rounding company offering me more roads…which means more money…not much, but every little helps…

Today…was mixed…we had to borrow some money from someone we trust, we were really shy, we were really sad…but Alhamdulillah, we were given what we’ve wanted….thank you, we’re ever so grateful for lending us the £20, I promise to give it back as soon as we’ve got our salary…as soon as Thursday or Friday…then the car made this strange noise and Am was not able to speed up…not much time left, he had to get to work, but he was starved to death I know…didn’t have time to eat just now…we didn’t know that our bank account was this bad, so we took time for granted.

Then Am had to call Wawan asking to ride with him, but he was already on his way to work…then, the car was okay again, and Am managed to drive home, said to Wawan that he’s okay to drive to work…took all his stuff at home and I followed him, he dropped me near the letting agent’s office, but I was 6 minutes too late….the office closed at half 5.

....I have to be careful with my expenses….this month will be a total disaster….so we have to be extra careful with the money out….


April 2007

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