January 10, 2005

The Video Game Design Society – Innocent Nerds, or Sinister Geeks?

Your wish, dear Natalie, is my command.

I was set the task of infiltrating the much rumoured, nay legendary Video Game Design Society . A weighty task for a normal man, but I, your Fly On The Wall, am a Master Of Disguise.

Some brief reconnaisance was necessary to complete the illusion. Nerds are like evil: they never sleep, and so I carefully avoided slumber beforehand in order to better observe (and imitate) their behaviour. Unfortunately my plan worked perhaps a little too well, and I nearly missed the meeting itself due to sleeping during the day. Still, my daysleeping, nocturnal experience put me into the ideal frame of mind for my task.

Roused by a phone call, I made my way to the Graduate. This was the appointed meeting place, posessing as it does many of the crucal ingredients to the continued existence of a game designer: dim lighting, comfortable chairs and convenient access to alcohol.

Having arisen to the rank of Secretary within their organisation, it was my duty to organise and run the agenda for the meeting, and this I did with customary aplomb. The meeting kicked off, as usual, with a brief recounting of our achievements since the last meeting – each member stood in turn to proudly announce the dread works they had perpetrated in the name of their dark lord, whatever that may be.

Several new members were present around the table, and were initiated with the normal rites. They should recover within the week.

Once the deeds had been recounted and the new blood supped upon, animated discussion was held on how best to next serve their foul, unspeakable goals. As I sat there, surrounded by such nightmarish, shadowy figures, I began to realise the truth – this was no ordinary cult. They spoke darkly of their "projects", whch seemed to be making worrying progress. The conclusion was inevitable; this infernal cabal seek nothing less than world domination.

At least, I think it was world domination. My notes became rather confused at this point, undoubtedly due to some foul malediction that they had inflicted upon me simply by their presence. It's possible the words could be interpreted as "make video games" – but such a shallow interpretation is unworthy of the true malign intelligence of this horrible gathering.

One thing is clear – whatever their aims; armageddon or Worms Armageddon, Duke Nukem or nuclear holocaust, we must all be very, very afraid.

This has been – The True* Story.

*for a given value of true

- 13 comments by 2 or more people Not publicly viewable

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  1. Mathew Mannion

    #define True False

    Argh, C++! Argh!!!11111111eleventythree

    10 Jan 2005, 23:00

  2. Amazing. Although…I still don't know what goes on there. I do however, now know that I really want to know. That's it. Save me a place next Monday.

    10 Jan 2005, 23:03

  3. You're doomed.

    10 Jan 2005, 23:07

  4. I assure you there are no plans for world domination. We are a respectable organisation that trades in fine wines. We do not have an underground base, and we are most certainly not building a doomsday device of any kind…

    10 Jan 2005, 23:12

  5. /me watches quietly, on the monitors.

    /me gestures to dark corner.

    10 Jan 2005, 23:19

  6. I am confused by your description. Did you somehow get lost and end up in an Electronic Farts meeting instead?

    10 Jan 2005, 23:28

  7. Pah, we're not like EA making our members work 90 hour weeks…. only 169 hour weeks will do!

    We need some kind of planning for getting places to sit in the Graduate… even the sofas we got with weren't enough for our bulging membership and some people were STANDING UP. What's it like up there?

    11 Jan 2005, 10:32

  8. Maybe we should send people up there at lunchtime to start stealing sofas.

    11 Jan 2005, 12:44

  9. N.E.R.D. of course stands for, um, "Ninjas Everywhere! Run,.. Derek!?" Unless of course you're Pharrell Williams.

    11 Jan 2005, 19:24

  10. I said "of course" twice, that's bad

    11 Jan 2005, 19:25

  11. Indeed it is – say it three times and you will summon the dread demon Kal'Nefresh-nik'kree'gartock from his endless slumber in the Tomb of Worlds….

    Of course.

    11 Jan 2005, 19:48

  12. Hey.

    11 Jan 2005, 22:18

  13. There he is!

    12 Jan 2005, 22:58

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