All entries for January 2009

January 22, 2009

Kempy's Agnostic Bus Campaign

I’m not sure if there’s a God. But I’m not quite so smug and self satisfied as to go pissing on someone else’s genuinely held beliefs.

January 16, 2009


Deficient. There’s no other word for it. English grammar fails to provide its users with the tools with which to express themselves. I find myself particularly underequipped when blogging, and so I’ve listed below some suggestions to counter the most heinous omissions.

  • The ‘no I’m not being arrogant this is self deprecating irony’ mark
  • The accent (everyone knows swearing is less offensive, in fact actually quite endearing, when done in a Yorkshire accent)
  • The ‘I know I’m being petulant but sometimes the adolescent in me itches to get out and I think it’s best to let the kid have his say’ mark
  • The pause for comic flatulence mark
  • The ‘I know full well I’ll regret it in the morning but I’m drunk and think I’m hilarious’ mark.

January 10, 2009

Wikipedia reading list

Do you aspire to being just as geeky as me? Well now you can with Magic Kempy’s Magic Magic Reading Lists, basically just a list of interesting wikipedia articles I’ve read this week which I’m attempting to pass off as a proper blog entry.

Ooh and I made another new years resolution, to reach eleven stone because I’m too thin and I get ill too much and for some reason I’ve linked these in my mind and think heavier will be healthier.

January 05, 2009

New Year's Resolutions

  • Get some culture
  • Stop eating unhealthy food through hunger – fill myself up with healthy stuff before I get that kebab on the way home from the pub
  • Publish a paper
  • Go to a conference in an exotic location (Surrey doesn’t count)
  • Blog once a week
  • Appear as an extra in a movie
  • Play the piano twice a week including an hour’s ‘proper music’
  • Write a song
  • Give up ketchup
  • Become bold and impetuous
  • Diversify my friendship groups, make a new friend who doesn’t know any of my old ones.
  • Gain an Adonis like physique (Ira’s friend Mark suggested I should aim for someone not as attractive as Adonis but more attractive than me, but we were unable to think of anyone in this gap)
  • Average a book a fortnight for 2009
  • Climb outdoors
  • Cook a fish
  • Go to an opera
  • Cook something I’ve killed myself
  • Reach 1000 wins without loss on freecell
  • And then give up freecell
  • Be in a country during a revolution
  • Develop a stash of witty party annecdotes
  • Read all the cards for Articulate and Wikipedia all the entries I don’t know
  • Program something
  • Write a letter of complaint
  • Have a near death experience
  • Give up Radio 4 in the mornings
  • Shave every other day
  • Volunteer for something
  • Claim my tax back
  • Learn a card trick
[late addition]
  • Get a protégé

Hmmm that’ll have to do for now, unless anyone has any suggestions?

January 02, 2009

Kempez Blogs From The New World

‘Ah but that circumstances were different’, I sighed to myself sitting on the icy cold platform of Oxford station and finishing Anna Karenina (not a good combination). Yesterday was the day when, according to late November’s sketch plan, I was to fly out to Rio. Mathematics can be a god-awful depressing business but it has it’s advantages, and a four week summer school in Brazil followed by some weeks doing maths with some of the world’s greatest Ergodic theorists was to be one of them.

Unfortunately I only found out about this all at the very last minute and in order to get a student visa I would have required a letter from the police saying that I had not been convicted of any serious crimes. Which, I hasten to add, I have not. But such letters take up to six weeks to arrive and need to be received before the visa application is submitted, thus putting the whole thing out of the realms of feasability.

Not to be upset by details however, Kempez’s blog is pleased to announce that it will continue as if ‘El Kempino’ were in Brazil for the next two months and regail you all with tales of South-American adventure.

adeus for now,


January 2009

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