All entries for Friday 20 January 2006

January 20, 2006

Always Carry Your Harmonica

Picture the situation, you're strolling across a Louisiana plain when by chance you bump into an intelligent and beautiful woman. You strike up conversation and things are going well when suddenly a violent thunderstorm begins. Running for shelter you find yourselves in an abandoned barn, and after you dry yourself you get out your harmonica and begin a rendition of Danny Boy. "Baby" cries the intelligent and beautiful woman, "I never realised you were so sensitive". She then sleeps with you, marries you, and for the next forty years you share a mutually loving relationship in your Barbados mansion with your four fantastic kids. But letís rewind a little, what if you didn't have your harmonica?

You're wandering through Delaware (tickets to Louisiana all sold out) when by chance you bump into an intelligent and beautiful woman. You attempt to strike up conversation but she is clearly unimpressed by the sweat patches surrounding your armpits. A thunderstorm begins and she reluctantly follows you into a barn, which you share with an old scraggy and extremely flatulent donkey. You try one of your lines, "you know I like to play a bit of blues", before reaching for your trusty harmonica. But wait, you left it at home. "Sure, that's what every loser who wants to sleep with me says", replies the intelligent and beautiful woman. And suddenly you recognise her, she's the granddaughter of blues legend Howling Wolf, clearly you've tried the worst of your collection of piss-poor chat up lines. Embarrassed you make your excuses and wander outside. You are hit by lightning seven times and die an excruciating death.

And so the lesson of this story ladies and gentleman is that you should always carry your harmonica with you.


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