Selected entry – 29/10/2004
Writing about web page http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=boazman
I have not abandoned my Xanga – just as I havn't abandoned my will in job-seeking – in one moment or another I'll be interested in it.
But I have nevertheless lost the interest in writing a well structured, organised, well laid-out, properly referenced, etc, entry and opt for a style which celebrates creativity, imagination, fragmentation, differences, dialect, interaction, organic and, above all, incomprehension. In other words, I have moved to a post-modernist style of writing. Post modernism, if you have little idea what it is about, is essentially like this:
_'urrr….[cough]....this is an extremely complex matter, with loads of internal diversity which cannot be conceptualised as an uniform whole. We should perceive it in an organic and dialectical way, apperciate its differences, sit back and take a sip of wine and do nothing.' _
Let's jump to another matter then. Just read a extremely interesting analysis of the pattern of a particular type of human behaviour, which have much wisdom in it.
'As I understand it, the process is something like this:
1. Boy is nice
2. Boy doesn't want to hurt anyone
3. Boy gets scared of doing something wrong
4. Boy doesn't ask anyone out incase he does something wrong
5. Boy has a lack of relationships
6. Boy becomes painfully aware that he doesn't really know what to do in a relationship
7. Go to 3
There is also this cycle:
1. Boy is a romantic at heart
2. Boy wants first love to be special
3. Boy unwilling to commit himself if not absolutely sure
4. Boy delays longer
5. Boy feels that it is wasteful to lower standards after waiting so long
6. Boy feels additional pressure for first love to be special
7. Go to 3
Now, as someone who has a friend (yeah, right) with this kind of problem, I feel it's important that we find ways of breaking the cycle (Arthur, 28–10-2004, 18:44).
I personally find this analysis extremely true, but as post-modernism fills my heart, I am urged to offer a little critque of it. The author did not pay attention to the conceptual inconsistency embedded in the notion of 'nice', 'romantic', 'scared', 'something wrong', etc. In so doing, he fails to explain adequately the seemingly appearent linkages between 'nice' and 'don't want to hurt anyone' and 'romantic' and 'wants first love to be special'.
Forgive me about these crap. You have to understand the these are rational response to strain (see Merton's theory of anomie) rather then mindless expression of frustration or anger. You have to understand the sense of insecurity that a finalist is facing; the realisation of incompatibility between ambitions of achieving socially accepted acheivements and structure of legitmate means opened to us; coped with a racialised and exclusive (in oppose to inclusive) society that developed historially through nationalism, consolidation of welfare state and negoitation of citizenship; and perpetuates in the series of moral panics initiated by moral entrepreneurs. This strain poses the danger of turning me into a nihilist…...or a retreatist who fills his empty soul with the illusion of anime and manga.
Currently reading: 'Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?' by Philip K. Dick – not the most interesting SF I've came across but we'll see.