March 02, 2008

If there is another chance, do you want to be a girl or a boy?

This afternoon, when I was taking No. 12 back to campus from Coventry, I was thinking that being a woman was so hard. The reason why I tought so was because women were always expected to be pretty looking by taking care their skin very carefully. That is, being a woman, I have to learn to do make-up; I have to remember those brands for skin care; I have to compare which clothes brand is more good quality. I talk about this does not mean that men do not need to do so, but at least they do not need to care about their make up too much.

A bit long beginning is not what I exactly want to talk about. I have to admit there are a lot of differences between men and women, at least phsical differences. Out of the outside, the inside differences in others’ hearts should be taken into consideration, such as the invisible discrimination. As for the inequality in UK, I do not know very well; but last year, from the Culutral Studies, I did learn about the inequality between men and women on job- seeking, education, as well as families and households. Similarly in China, such discrimination is even more serious, especially in families since the beginning of life.

Anyway, I do not know what exactly has happened to others, but I know exactly what has happened to me. Since I was born, I have to be treated as what a girl should be treated in the big family, which is, less important than the boys at home. Even worse, in my family, because of the one-child policy in China, I am the only child, while my uncle has a son who is 5-year older than me. He is, namely, my cousin, they only male child within the whole family. As a result, he is of course to be attached more importance than any one else. Because we were both looked after by our grandma when we were school age, so as far as I am concerned, I was always bullied by him. He took away my toys; he could eat those valuble food, while I had to watch silently.(even I cried, no one cared)

It is too sad that I am a girl who is sensitive, so I started to remember things when I was only four; in that year, one of the most important men in my life left me alone. As I’ve said that my grandma took care of us when the parents had to go to work, we also stayed together with our great grandpa during daytime. I could always remember that every time my cousin treated me badly, my great grandpa would stand out to help me. However, he was too old, about 90 I remember, he did not have enough power to argue with my grandma or anyone else. But that was not the point, I didn’t need the toy back, or the delicious food, I only needed someone who did care about me. My great grandpa was definitely my hero at that moment.

However, he only accompanied with me for 4 years. Till now, I still remember clearly his funeral. When I finally saw his dead body lying on the cold stone, I screaming out, I could not bear any more. I tried to hold the stone to stay with him, I shouted to him:”great grandpa, great grandpa.” I was too weak at that age, yes, I was. Later on, time flies, things have changed, but not such inequality inside my reletives’ hearts.

I had been grown up under the pressure of being a girl until 18. It was the end of school life. I still remember the interview for my uni in China, I told the old lady that I would like to make efforts to change people’s mind, which was men were more important. Guess what she had said, she said, no matter how well I would be, I would never change the situation, especially what had been deeply growing in my grandparents’ hearts.

I was rather angry at that moment, I tried to show my disagreement and my confidence. In order to prove my statement, I worked really really hard in Renmin Uni of China, I got very good results and one scholarship (although not that much compare with UK). I also took part in all kinds of activities, while I tried to use my own knowledge to earn some money. Even then, I was still day dreaming to wash people’s minds. Not until one night, when my grandma, my cousin, and I were walking in the street one night after raining, my grandma took off her coat to cover to my cousin who was wearing a shirt, rather than me who was only wearing a tiny top without sleeves. Just at that moment, I decided to give up, as I knew I would never change the tranditional man-important mind of the senior.

The story seems to be so sad, but I am really happy now, because I have really really good parents who gave my life to me, also treasure and love me forever. Even now I could write my blog, also because they supported me when I decided to come to UK. Now the past story of the little silly girl could only be a story, as it won’t make me feel sad any more, as I have learnt from it that we only need to care about opinions from those who care us.

Maybe before I thought through, when people asked me whether I preferred to be a boy if I had another chance, I would say I wanted to be a man. But now, I am very sure that, I will also choose to be a girl even though I have a chance to choose, and I will definitely to be a happy girl who is rich in love.

- 13 comments by 3 or more people Not publicly viewable

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  1. Natalie Sharpling

    Hello Shaung, thanks for raising this really useful topic; I’ve got a lot to say in reply, & I’ll talk about it later on. I’ll post my reply as a new topic. Take care.

    03 Mar 2008, 07:40

  2. You are a lively girl~ Don’t give much pressure on yourself, do what you want~
    living is not a simple thing, man and woman have their differnt responsbilty~ and everyone is the best~

    03 Mar 2008, 21:02

  3. cheers Fei~ You r right, everyone is the best, just do what we want to do-

    03 Mar 2008, 21:55

  4. ye, i wil pay attention ur blog as usual. tell us what u think about in ur mind~

    03 Mar 2008, 22:17

  5. and i forget one sentence, u are part of mego ahead

    03 Mar 2008, 22:20

  6. Z

    You are what you are! no matter what you have been chosen or what have chosen you, you were did a good job. Seriously! Everyone who knows you should be prided of you!!!!

    04 Mar 2008, 11:18

  7. Natalie Sharpling

    Hi Shuang, I’ve posted my reply to this one at

    04 Mar 2008, 12:48

  8. Yangyu Xiao

    So do I. My feeling is on my blog too :)

    06 Mar 2008, 19:16

  9. Sue

    Without a doubt I’d come back as a girl, I love being a woman but if I had the chance I’d like to see what it’s like to be a man for just a day, just out of curiosity, I’m sure most people would like a taste of what it’s like to be the opposite sex. It’s nice that you get on so well with Reg – he sounds really sweet, perhaps he could be your adopted grandad while you’re in this country. When I was at school one of my friends lived near a man called Reg who was rather eccentric and used to shout at people as they passed his house. Everyone thought he was a bit loopy and when people got angry or acted a bit crazy at school my friend used to call it “having a Reg”. It caught on and if someone got a bit uppity we’d say “Alright, there’s no need to have a Reg.”

    I was brought up in a family who weren’t particularly tactile although we wore our hearts on our sleeves and showed our emotions freely. There was lots of laughing, crying (poor Dad, he was in a house with four women so there was lots of wailing though not always through sadness), anger and passion. These days we are all very tactile people and hug the breath out of each other when we meet. As one of my friends says “brace yourself, I’m going to give you a hug!” And the nice thing that I’ve noticed is that more and more men seem to do this to each other now. And the other thing I’ve noticed recently as a greeting between two men is the touching of hands which I suppose is somewhere between a hug and a handshake. It’s a bit like a “high 5” except it’s a “low 5” and not so fierce.

    07 Mar 2008, 09:32

  10. I’d like to come back as a girl, cos well I’ve had a great bash at being a guy, seeing the other side would be very interesting, but probably quite hard to adapt to.

    Things I’d like about being a girl:

    -You’re encouraged to spend a lot of time on your hair. I like hair.
    -A much wider variety of clothes, more colour to choose from.
    -Multiple orgasms.

    Things I wouldn’t like about being a girl:

    - Having to shave vast areas of hair. I don’t think I’d bother, and if anyone had a problem with that they could go screw themselves.
    -Not being able to pee standing up.
    -periods, duh.

    I think boys can be equally emotional and everyone individually creates their internal world but some sexes are encouraged by society, media and corporations to create themselves in a certain way. I’m very lucky to have all of my grandparent’s alive and they are all amazing people in their own right, my grandma’s are easily as strong if not stronger than my grandads although they don’t know it. And I love them all. Also I was lucky enough to know my great grandmother. She was very creative and generous but pretty mean and easily annoyed but you’re allowed to be when you’re older. It’s a perk, like a buspass.

    11 Mar 2008, 13:54

  11. Thank you for your comment, Sue. I like your story about hugging people in your family. Since I come to UK, I like to hug my parents at home, not shy any more. I like the saying of ¡°brace yourself, I¡¯m going to give you a hug!¡± I also think to be a man for one day must be fun.

    12 Mar 2008, 00:13

  12. Hi, Alastair, thank you for you comments. I find your reasons are quite understandable. Yes, we women like to change our hair styles and spend a lot of time and attention on it. We also have plenty of choice of all kinds of clothes, as long as we can fit in. But being a woman does have problems as you mentioned above. And I think we also need to suffer the pain of giving birth to a baby.

    “I think boys can be equally emotional and everyone individually creates their internal world but some sexes are encouraged by society, media and corporations to create themselves in a certain way.” I think you are right. Both of women and men can equally achieve the same success, but becasue of the stereotype of the society, the different expectation for the roles of men and women, women and men have play their certain roles. However, I think both of the sexes should be understood by the other sex, as we both have stress to bear.

    12 Mar 2008, 00:29

  13. treeforest

    Alastair Binnie-Lubbock, you left out one of the greatest things about being a girl: being able to get laid just about anytime you want and even getting paid for it!
    Shuang, yes for a day maybe even a week you would enjoy being a man but for a year or a lifetime you would hate it! Advice from someone who knows. As for me if I were a girl I’d definitely be a lesbian as I love women too much.

    06 Apr 2008, 16:03

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