All 3 entries tagged Pieces Of Me

maybe i think too much…??

I can’t sleep. It’s not because it’s nearly Christmas, or anything of that matter. Too many thoughts running through my head; can’t seem to shut down. I am overcome with feelings of worry. I’m worried that I won’t get the grade I need this year. I am worried that I am going to screw up. I think to myself that maybe I have reached the limit of my capacity now, at a young age of 21. Maybe I am not as clever as people think I am. What happens if I don’t get the grades I need?? My ambitions are sky high; I’m reaching for the stars, but what if I don’t even reach the tree tops?? Could I ever settle down to a life of mediocrity?? You see, in my family success is measured by the amount of money you earn. I want to outdo my parents, but now I’m thinking that I probably never will. At the moment I’m not even completely sure what I want to do with my life. I’m thinking: why the hell didn’t I choose to do something that I find easy, like biology or chemistry?? Why do I always have to push myself under the pretence of ‘I get bored easily if I’m not challenged’?? Why can’t I ever do things that I find easy?? Maybe this time I chose too big a challenge…

: 23 Dec 2005 01:15 |  Tags: Pieces Of Me |  Comments (6) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

'i can't tell you what to do, but…'

Argh, no one has the ability to drive me as crazy as my own dear mother. The conversation tonight went along the lines of:

‘Don’t you like being at home?? You could cheer up a bit. Your father and I feel like you don’t like us anymore.’

‘Of course I like coming home, otherwise I wouldn’t be here, would I??’

‘Well that’s not what it appears as. I’ll give you some advice: don’t cut us off because you can never get that back when you regret it in a few years time.’

‘Well I’m not. I’m at home right?? I only stayed up there for a week because I find it easier to revise up there. I’ll try to be more cheerful.’

‘Don’t get dragged into turning your back on your parents like so many students do, because I tell you, most people who stay away from home do so because they don’t have a home to go back to.’

‘I’m sure that’s not the case, besides I’m not turning my back on you. Just because I don’t feel like sitting down in front of the TV every night doesn’t mean that I don’t like being at home.’

‘Well that’s what it feels like to your father and I; we feel like you don’t want to be here. Is it really too much to ask of you that you come home during your holidays??’

‘I am home now!! No, I don’t hate being at home!! Besides how do you think I felt when I came home as early as I could on Saturday, because you asked me to, and you weren’t even there?? Dad plays golf all of Saturday and Sunday, so it’s not like I see him anyway. Using your reasoning I’d say that you didn’t care whether I was coming home or not.’

‘That’s different.’

About an hour later…

‘You spend about 40 weeks up there, is it really too much to ask that you stay here until the 3rd?? Besides, what will your brother think of you if you took off as soon as he got here??’

‘Err, no I think it’s more like 33 weeks, so I spend about 19 at home. He gets here on Friday, so I wouldn’t just be taking off. Do you really think I’d spend 19 weeks a year at home if I didn’t like it??’

‘Well, I don’t know. It could be because you have nowhere else to go over the summer. But I can’t tell you what to do. You do whatever you like. It’s your life, you do whatever you want. But I can tell you how I feel, and if you go up there for New Year’s Eve then it feels like you don’t want to be at home.’

The funny thing is (well it's not really funny, more ironic I guess), that it’s only when my mum gets like this that I don’t like being at home. Unfortunately she gets like that a lot. She’s on about how I have changed; that I’m more secretive since I went to uni. Well I’m sure that she doesn’t want to know what goes on in my life (not that I have ever told her anything, because she simply can’t keep it to herself), and why isn’t it acceptable for me to change??

Are all mums like this, or is it only mine??

: 14 Dec 2005 00:15 |  Tags: Home Pieces Of Me |  Comments (5) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

And so it is

And so it is. Just like you said it would be, life go easy on me..most of the time. And so it is, the shorter story.. think I'm going to stop it there actually, even though I do love that song. But I just did it to get you're attention really.
This is my first message to the world. And of course it is going to be great because I'm in that sort of mood, writing mood I think most people would call it. But me, I call it a depressed mood. So yes even maths students get those moods when you think too much and when you feel like nothing is going your way.
Played football today. no.. correction!! People played football today, I was just faffing around with a ball and couldn't seem to catch anything. Like the bloody thing had grease on it or something. I was always in the wrong place at the right time and that's not a good thing when you're a goalie playing for the first team. Need I say that we lost?? So when I started getting kicked around by the other team I just felt like I couldn't take it any more…usually a few injuries wouldn't keep me off the pitch, but today I just felt like nothing could keep me on the thing. Besides the team did soooooo much better after I got off anyway so I feel like they shouldn't have any hard feelings about it.
Got a competition coming up at the weekend, the European Cup in Taekwon-Do. I'm sort of looking forward to it now as it means that i get to kick other people around for a bit (which would be a change for once). It's great for getting rid of frustration, which I definitely have a lot of now. So for anyone who wants to come down and watch some fighting..Sunday in Crawley, see you there. Should be some good fights. The English team will be there and the Poles are bringing like 200 people or something. The Poles are definitely the best fighters in the whole of Europe, in Taekwon-Do that is. Myself, I'm hoping to get a few medals out of it, to reclaim my place in the English team. Something my chronic tonsillitis prevented last year, which meant I missed out of the World Championships. So for you footie girls reading this..it wasn't just the tour to Prague I missed out on!!
So now I'm going to stop because I don't feel the need to write any more. I've got some stuff off my chest but definitely not all so watch this space ;)

: 16 Oct 2005 20:22 |  Tags: Pieces Of Me |  Comments (2) |  Close comments |  Report a problem