alcoholic, me??Imagine my horror when I walk into the lounge of my new house in lovely Leam (ok I might be exaggerating a tiny bit…) and read on the blackboard “Who is going to be the 1st one to throw up in the vom loo??”. Now that doesn’t sound too bad until you continued reading; underneath were listed all our names along with the odds of each and every one of us actually throwing up. Not mentioning any names (RICHARD) but someone (RICH) had put the odds on it being me at 2 to 1. It didn’t exactly help either that Alex’s mum (a housemate of mine, not the mum, but Alex) saw the damn thing and casually asked whether I can’t keep my drinks down, at which time (of course) I just happened to walk through the lounge on my way to the kitchen in my pyjamas feeling really ill, and more to the point, looking really rough due to the fresher’s flu.
Anyway, obviously appalled by this slandering, who wouldn’t be? I then decided to prove them (him) wrong. And so I did… Was I the first one to throw up?? Oh no, RICHARD got that honour and did at the same time also manage to break the toilet seat. To be fair, the odds of Richard throwing up was 3 to 1 but that still doesn’t quite make up for the fact that I was actually really mortified about people thinking that I could not handle my drink. Because I can, I just happen to sometimes not realise just how much I actually drink.
Until it hits me… which is usually when I wake up in the toilets because someone is banging on the door. Or when my friends have to wheel me back in a shopping trolley from tesco (something they nearly got fined for because we weren’t technically allowed to take them) just because I had felt that going shopping at midnight on a Friday was the best thing ever. It would be normally; no people; nice and quiet, but not after having basically downed ¾ of a bottle of absolut vodka. Now I guess you’re asking yourself: “Why the hell would you ever do that??” And I do not blame you. It was a really stupid thing to do, but at the time it was something that I really needed to do for reasons I’m not exactly going to go into now.
So anyway, I guess the reason why I was really appalled by the whole 2 to 1 odds were that they were completely justified. I may have proved Richard wrong on this account by not being the first one to throw up but last year must have been a very good year for the union just due the amount of money I poured into the place most nights of the week. However, in my defence I will say that I didn’t throw up nearly as much as is being implemented by my stories or the odds put up on the blackboard. The odds were so bad (or good whichever way you want to think of it) due to the fact that I can drink a lot of alcohol, or at least could, and would do so most nights of the week.