All entries for March 2006

March 31, 2006

Because I got High

This is for my IB217 project. I will be a hypothetical class C drug dealer on, for some hypothetical reason, the brink of bankruptcy. To dignify myself as a 21st century homo sapien, I will open a cigar bar on Broad Street and intoxicate every undignified person who walks in with my pure evil airborne toxins. Eventually, I will be able to maintain a consistent air quality of 95% tobacco smoke, 4% anonymous gases including oxygen and 1% fart (to serve as a diversion when authorities conduct searches). My primary business shall be in Cuban cigars, but I will also operate a bar, hang banners for Jayday March and Festival 2006 and will bring in a jukebox that features bands with one or more members who have died from smoking weed. Taking into account a personal oxygen gas mask, rent, cigar imports, alcohol purchases, various licences, labour costs, general maintenance, bills, fines and/or bail, I hope to avoid economic failure and have as much fun as possible before smoking gets banned in all enclosed public spaces across England from the summer of 2007. Got a light mate?

March 29, 2006

Excuse me, you're in my way.

Dear Miss L.,

I checked your wardrobe this morning – I couldn't find it. Why are you still living out of your suitcase? I wanted to make you a sandwich but your fridge is bare and your freezer has a 5 kg bag of Bernard Matthews Turkey Breasts. You have been going to uni for 5 days a week but you never arrange your files. I haven't been able to ring you lately because your phone has run out of battery. Don't you have any credit? Don't you want to ring anyone? I know that your face smashed against a fire door last term. How many weeks more do you want to wait before you get some new spectacles? Your carpet has some suspicious stains. Where did you get this pearl necklace? When did you lose your glove? Why don't you ever carry an umbrella? How often do you wash your hair? Drink more water. Buy a straw hat. Wear a dress in summer. Eat 5 servings of fruit & veg. Scuba dive. Cook. Have a better photo of youyself. Get more piercings. Skinny dip. Go on road trip with no predetermined destination. Write poetry. Publish poetry. Give blood. Fly. Grow taller. Be seen on TV. Be remembered. Karaoke. Buy stock. Tread water. Play chess. Start a magazine. Juggle. Grow vegetables from seed. Become a Power Ranger. Learn to fight. Learn to whistle. Design a t-shirt. Dye your hair a wierd colour. Ride a motorcycle. Improve your handwriting. Be a movie extra. Live outside of your head.

Good luck

Your Body.


March 09, 2006

Enclosed Counters

Those who dream of taking charge
run blindly down the fold
but never hear the wise man's words
to fly in search of old.

(Mar '96)


March 2006

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