March 29, 2006

Excuse me, you're in my way.

Dear Miss L.,

I checked your wardrobe this morning – I couldn't find it. Why are you still living out of your suitcase? I wanted to make you a sandwich but your fridge is bare and your freezer has a 5 kg bag of Bernard Matthews Turkey Breasts. You have been going to uni for 5 days a week but you never arrange your files. I haven't been able to ring you lately because your phone has run out of battery. Don't you have any credit? Don't you want to ring anyone? I know that your face smashed against a fire door last term. How many weeks more do you want to wait before you get some new spectacles? Your carpet has some suspicious stains. Where did you get this pearl necklace? When did you lose your glove? Why don't you ever carry an umbrella? How often do you wash your hair? Drink more water. Buy a straw hat. Wear a dress in summer. Eat 5 servings of fruit & veg. Scuba dive. Cook. Have a better photo of youyself. Get more piercings. Skinny dip. Go on road trip with no predetermined destination. Write poetry. Publish poetry. Give blood. Fly. Grow taller. Be seen on TV. Be remembered. Karaoke. Buy stock. Tread water. Play chess. Start a magazine. Juggle. Grow vegetables from seed. Become a Power Ranger. Learn to fight. Learn to whistle. Design a t-shirt. Dye your hair a wierd colour. Ride a motorcycle. Improve your handwriting. Be a movie extra. Live outside of your head.

Good luck

Your Body.


- 2 comments by 1 or more people Not publicly viewable

  1. Become a Power Ranger? I was torn between commenting 'Now you're talking!' or 'That's just crazy talk' so i decided to put them both down. Incidently which one? Casting my mind back to the days that I actually was stupid enough to sit down and watch a whole episode I remember there was the Black bum, Red rat, Green gumba, Blue bafoon, Yellow yuppie and the Pink poof. Sorry if that puts a downer on your Power Ranger ambitions.

    Actually that gives me a funny idea, just imagine an academy for Power Ranger cadets…

    'Excuse me Ms Smith but, umm, you're supposed to turn up to class in uniform….'
    'But Sir I am! Look I've got my shiny lycra pants and a matching bright coloured top, I even shined my boots today!'
    'Um I don't think so Smith, I distinctly remember that a helmet should be worn as per cadet regulations'
    'Oh, Sir!', she moans in feeble protest, 'It gives me a headache..'
    'Ms Smith!', the teacher cries out in anguish, 'if you're class mates can do it so can you.'
    With that fail safe Ms Smith mopes and without any instructions she drags her feet past her helmet clad class mates who she knows are grinning at her behind their black visors and stands in the corner at the back of the room with head bowed down because she thinks that maybe she should have listened to her mother and inherit the family store instead of flunking school to join the Power Ranger academy.

    Ah she remembers those bitter memories when she turned up to the Power Ranger recruitment office off the High Street, green as anything. How naive she must have been to not only sign the next 5 years of her tender young years away but to do it with a smile!

    These past few months haven't been easy on our Ms Smith, she's got the hots for the Green Power Ranger cadet, but alas hasn't had the courage to draw him in a conversation partly because he is always hanging around the Pink Power Ranger who has a top two sizes too small for her and who's so dappy she tried to eat spaghetti through her visor during lunch the other day!

    Hahaha actually I could go on for a LOT longer about the tale of Ms Smith and her trials and tribulations within the Power Ranger cadet academy but that would be a bit boring and besides I have to remind myself that this is meant to be a comment and not a spin-off of how the Power Rangers organisation really operate! Oh yeah before I sign off I always thought the evil guys in the Power Rangers were way cooler than out spanky clean Ranger comrades.

    02 Apr 2006, 00:38

  2. Have you always wanted to be one a Power Ranger? Or perhaps plot to destroy them? In our RPG's, your dreams come true! Donate your ceberal cortex to Zordon today!

    You should be a fanfic writer, Terry. Great potential in you, I see.

    04 Apr 2006, 14:30


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