March 31, 2006

Because I got High

This is for my IB217 project. I will be a hypothetical class C drug dealer on, for some hypothetical reason, the brink of bankruptcy. To dignify myself as a 21st century homo sapien, I will open a cigar bar on Broad Street and intoxicate every undignified person who walks in with my pure evil airborne toxins. Eventually, I will be able to maintain a consistent air quality of 95% tobacco smoke, 4% anonymous gases including oxygen and 1% fart (to serve as a diversion when authorities conduct searches). My primary business shall be in Cuban cigars, but I will also operate a bar, hang banners for Jayday March and Festival 2006 and will bring in a jukebox that features bands with one or more members who have died from smoking weed. Taking into account a personal oxygen gas mask, rent, cigar imports, alcohol purchases, various licences, labour costs, general maintenance, bills, fines and/or bail, I hope to avoid economic failure and have as much fun as possible before smoking gets banned in all enclosed public spaces across England from the summer of 2007. Got a light mate?

- 2 comments by 1 or more people Not publicly viewable

  1. Smoking will be banned in enclosed spaces you say? It got me thinking that if you wanna come out on top of the economic demise of the smoking industry you'll have to set up shop outside! Hehehe bet you haven't thought about that one. I for one would like to see more outdoor cafes and before you say that england ain't really the place that's where the thinking cap comes to play, you'll have a seasonal business pushing your nefarious wares from a smoking van (like the kebab vans you see prowling the streets at night looking for drunken students who aren't really hungry but need something to keep the stomach under wraps - so I've heard of at least). So you set up shop at a bus stop, whip out a couple of foldable chairs and tables - hey you could even have a lil jingle like the ice cream vans which lie in wait for unsuspecting kids - and carry on as usual. If the cops bother you say 'No spreky engrish' and move on to the next bus stop. I'm sure you won't be short of customers because lets face it after an outright ban people will go to extremes to have a smoke in peace - which gives me an idea, you could name your van, 'The Extreme Smoking Van', it's uncannily original I feel. You could do that or you could actually rent out a shop with ample pavement space and in the summery months you have a smoking cafe with a nice big awning whilst in the winter you just have a normal sandwhich store. Hmmm sandwhiches are gooood…
    The other option is to set up a Middle Eastern themed smoking bar except smoking cigarettes aren't allowed, no no no, but only the sheesh pipe is. Is that a bong I hear you ask? No you maniac you smoke the good stuff, flavoured tabacco, though it (or the bong did) relies on the same pricipal of a water filter and pressure difference n stuff. Not to sure whether that'll be banned so you'll have to correct me if it will be because its such a gd idea I might set up a store myself :D

    03 Apr 2006, 18:14

  2. Holy smokey Batman! The revolution is nigh! Say goodbye to the tradition of the oppressed! Bid farewell to your dodgy dope dealer! 'The Extreme Smoking Van' carries all the gear you need today and for clamp-down-2007 panic! We are 110% legal! We drive along popular horse and greyhound meetings, stopping twice – at Steepledowns from midday and Romford from senset! Come get stoned on our deckchairs this Summer! Rock star parkers welcome!

    Remember kids, don't share gear unless you want AIDS, yo.

    04 Apr 2006, 16:35

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