All entries for June 2005
June 22, 2005
People call me “Tree”.
I had dated 5 girls when I was in Pre-U. There is one girl who I love
lot but never dared to go after. She didn’t have a pretty face, good
figure or an outstanding charm. She was just a very ordinary girl. I
liked her. I really liked her. I liked her innocence, her frankness,
intelligence and her fragility. Reason for not going after her was
I felt somebody so ordinary like her was not a good match for me. I
also afraid that after we were together all the feelings would
was also afraid other’s gossip would hurt her.
I felt that if she were my girl, she’d be mine ultimately & I didn’t
have to give up everything just for her. The last reason, made her
accompanying me for 3 years. She watched me chase other girls, and I
have made her heart cry for 3 years.
She was a good actor, and me a demanding director. When I kissed my
second girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smiled
said, “Go on!” before running off. The next day, her eyes were swollen
like a walnut. I did not want to know what caused her to cry. Later
day, I returned from soccer training to get something & watched her
in the classroom for an hour or so. My fourth girlfriend did not like
her. There was once when both of them quarreled. I know that based on
her character she is not the type that will start the quarrel.
I still sided my girlfriend. I shouted at her & ignored her feelings
walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she was laughing & joking
with me like nothing happened. I know she was hurt but she did not
deep down inside I was hurt too.
When I broke up with my fifth girlfriend, I asked her out. Later that
day, I told her I had something to tell her. I told her about my break
up. Coincidentally, she has something to tell me too, about her
I knew who the person was. His pursuit for her had been the talk of
School. I did not show her my heartache, just smiles & best wishes.
I reached home, I could not breathe. Tears rolled & I broke down. How
many times have I seen her cry for the man who did not acknowledge her
During graduation, I read a SMS in my mobile. It said, “Leaf’s
because of Wind’s pursuit. Or because Tree didn’t ask her to stay”
People call me Leaf..
During the 3 years of Pre-U, I was on very close terms with a guy as
buddy kind. However, when he had his first girlfriend, I learnt a
feeling I never should have learnt – Jealousy. Sourness to the extreme
limit. They were only together for 2 months. When they broke up, I
my happiness. But after a month, he got together with another girl.
I liked him & I know he liked me. But why won’t he pursue me? Since he
loves me why he didn’t he make the first move? Whenever he had a new
girlfriend, my heart would hurt. After some time, I began to suspect
that this was one-sided love. If he didn’t like me, why did he treat
so well? It’s beyond what you will normally do for a friend. I know
likes, his habits. But his feelings towards me I can never figure out.
You can’t expect me a girl, to ask him.
Despite that, I still wanted to be by his side. Care for him,
him, and love him. Hoping that one day, he will come to love me.
of this, I waited for him. Sometimes, I wondered if I should continue
waiting. The pain, the dilemma accompanied me for 3 years.
At the end of my 3rd year, a junior pursues me. Everyday he pursues
He’s like the cool & gentle wind, trying to blow off a leaf from a
In the end, I realized that I wanted to give this wind a small footing
in my heart.
I know the wind will bring the leaf to a better land. Finally, leaf
the tree, but the tree only smiled & didn’t ask me to stay.
Leaf’s departure is because of Wind’s pursuit. Or cause Tree didn’t
her to stay..
People call me Wind..
Because I like a girl called leaf. Because she’s so dependent on tree,
so I have to be a gust wind. A wind that will blow her away. When I
first met her, it was 1 month after I was transferred to this new
school. I saw a petite person looking at my seniors & me playing
soccer. During ECA time, she will always be sitting there. Be it alone
or with her friends, looking at him.
When he talks with girls, there’s jealousy in her eyes. When he looked
at her, there’s a smile in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit.
Just like, she likes to look at him.
One day, she didn’t appear. I felt something missing. I can’t explain
the feeling except it’s a kind of uneasiness. The senior was also not
there as well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my
Tears were in her eyes while he left. The next day, I saw her at her
usual place, looking at him. I walked over and smiled to her. Took
note & gave to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled &
accepts the note.
The next day, she appeared & passes me a note and left.
It read, “Leaf’s heart is too heavy and wind couldn’t blow her
“It’s not that leaf heart is too heavy. It because leaf never want to
leave tree.” I replied her note with this statement and slowly she
started to talk to me & accept my presents & phone calls. I know that
the person she loves is not me. But I have this perseverance that one
day I will make her like me.
Within 4 months, I have declared my love for her no less than 20
Every time, she will divert away from the topic. But I never give up.
I decide I want her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win
her over. I can’t remember how many times I have declared my love to
her. Although I know, she will try to divert but I still bear a small
ray of hope.
Hoping that she will agree to be my girlfriend. I didn’t hear any
from her over the phone. I asked, “What are you doing? How come you
didn’t want to reply?” She said, “I’m nodding my head”. “Ah?” I could
n’t believe my ears.
“I’m nodding my head” She replied loudly. I hang up the phone, quickly
changed and took a taxi and rush to her place & press her doorbell.
During the moment when she opens the door, I hugged her tightly.
Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn’t ask
In love, we win very rarely, but when love is true, even if you lose,
you still win just for having the tingle of loving someone more than
There comes a time when we stop loving someone, not because that
has stopped loving us but because we have found out that, they’d be
happier if we let go..
Why do we close our eyes when we sleep? When we cry? When we imagine?
When we kiss?
This is because THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THINGS IN THE WORLD ARE UNSEEN.
There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want
to leave behind, but keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the
world. It’s the beginning of a new life. Happiness lies for those who
who hurt, those who have searched and those who have tried. For only
they can appreciate the importance of the people who have touched our
A great love? It’s when you shed tears and still you care for them,
when they ignore you and still you long for them. It’s when they begin
to love another and yet you smile and say, “I’m happy for you.” If
fails, set yourself free, let your heart spread its wings and fly
Remember you may find love and lose it, but when love dies, you never
have to die with it.
The strongest people are not those who always win but those who stand
back up when they fall. Somehow, along the course of life, you learn
about yourself and realize that there should never be regrets, only a
lifelong appreciation of the choices you’ve made.
Loving is not how you forget but how you forgive, not how you listen
how you understand, not what you see but how you feel, and not how you
let go but how you hold on.
It’s more dangerous to weep inwardly rather than outwardly. Outward
tears can be wiped away while secret tears scar forever..
It’s best to wait for the one you want than settle for one that’s
available. It’s best to wait for the right one because life is too
short to waste
on just someone . . .
June 18, 2005
Just finished reading a book – Love Story, by Erich Segal. Admittedly, the plot wasn't particularly unique or anything like that. Nevertheless, it was still a very touching love story. Sweet. Sad. Moving. Love could hurt. It could hurt like hell. But would anyone really wish to live without it still?...
"Love means not ever having to say you're sorry." There it is, the one most significant quote from the book.
What does it mean, though?
I'm not sure if I agree completely with it. Not saying you're sorry when you hurt your loved ones would be taking them and their love for granted, wouldn't it?