December 05, 2005

h4. Story 2: Johnny’s perfect world

Johnny couldn’t complain more about his life, could he? Having graduated from a well-known university lavishly supported by his father, Johnny worked in a top-notch company for almost three years. Recently he had been promoted to be the manager supervising a team of friendly and hardworking young people. He had a warm family of three dwelling in a nice house in the best residential area. Johnny and his wife deeply loved each other still in the way they met the first day. His 2-year-old girl Betty was so adorable that everyone couldn’t help spoiling her at first sight. His life was perfect.

Johnny felt tired, bored and even a bit upset, however. It seemed that there was something missing in his life. There should be one thing or two he would crave for or feel sorry about. What was that missing piece?

Johnny had lunch alone every day at Tiffany. One day after finishing his last drop of coffee in silence, a thought crept up. ‘Won’t it be nice to join some competitions for a change?’ whispered the voice in his mind. Why not? But what kind? Johnny got the idea on his way home. He was confronted by a poster at the train station. It was a competition of gobbling up hotdogs. Anyone interested and healthy was qualified, it said. Hotdogs had always been Johnny’s favourite and he was in a perfect shape.

It was no harm to give it a try, was it? Johnny joined the competition. On the day of competition, he just ate on and on swallowing one hotdog after another… and looked great. He won the competition at the end with more than forty-five hotdogs crammed in his stomach. By the time he got his championship trophy, he fell straight on the ground like a piece of wood. Johnny was later diagnosed that he died of a stroke. Even his death was perfect. He felt painless the moment he was gone; he died in glory and happiness with the stomach teeming with hotdogs, his favourite food.

Johnny’s world was perfect. The only thing it lacked perhaps was pain.

- 6 comments by 1 or more people Not publicly viewable

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  1. Johnny's perfect world –
    Even though it seems a perfect life, there can be something missing. People always pursue happiness. Happiness is not always with money or fames; it's a creature by people's minds. But, Johnny must have been happy. I like the last sentence. It shows, it's impossible to obtain everything.

    06 Dec 2005, 16:20

  2. Janny, if (no sarcasm intended) you indeed planned this story in 50 minutes, and basically wrote it down in some 15–20 minutes as was the requirement, then three cheers! It’s an excellent attempt at a short-short. I like the ‘perfectly painless death’ situation you’ve created; and the phrase: “… he fell straight on the ground like a piece of wood”. And once again, I would subscribe to Junko’s comments on this piece.

    From your experience in writing this story you will have noticed that if one spends a good amount of time in planning a story, then it is probably not that difficult to write it fast. Of course, during the revision one may end up giving one’s story quite a different shape, but that’s as well.

    By the way, it’s sad to see that hardly has anyone else commented on your work, whereas you have been participating on everyone else’s blog.

    04 Jan 2006, 07:53

  3. Janny.. what happened to my comments? i am sure i posted comments on all 3 of ur stories! :O

    05 Jan 2006, 15:43

  4. Hi,

    like the comments above this is well done.

    The focus was strictly on the person and anything else was surppressed. This made it so stong.



    13 Jan 2006, 08:41

  5. I really love this story, it is just what I believe a short story should be.

    30 Jan 2006, 13:38

  6. A very good story indeed! i just love it.
    The philosophy weaved into the story with a light ironic tone, i love it!

    06 Feb 2006, 23:06

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