March 06, 2005
To : dogM
It appears that our agent failed on his mission. He has not made his weekly report to our secret antenna at Starbucks for more than 4 months now, and I really fear that the worst happened to him.
In order to save this mission, and collect the vital information we need about the activity of CatIA agents in Great Britain, I strongly recommend you to pay attention to what follows.
After years of labour in total secret, our bionic-dog labs have recently achieved to create the ultimate dog agent : the flying-V-dog ! This new breed of special agent has been artificially created by successive genetic mutation of crossbreeded cells from albatross, Norman cow and mastiff. The result is an extraordinary supersonic dog, able to fly at a speed 3 times higher than any plane, and with a furtive synthetic fur, made of electro-biopolymers, that prevent him from any radar, thermal or acoustic detection. (see the file attached)
Thanks to his incredible capacities, I truely believe that agent fV003, the first available of our supersonic agents, is the one that can save the perilous mission given to agent Pug, and even save agent Pug himself, if not too late.
We just need your consent to send what the history would remember as the most incredible scientific revolution to give help to our beloved agent Pug.
February 03, 2005
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 . I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
A Troubled User
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" or "I have no opinion" to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1, Hugs 4.3 and Diamonds 5.0!
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
February 01, 2005
Just uploaded some of the pictures form our Edinburgh trip this weekend. Learnt many useful French expressions from the others:
- Je pourrais manger un boeuf.
- J'ai un faim de loup.
- J'ai dormi comme un loire.
- Putain de bordel de merde (sorry for this one).
- Je veux te tuer.
Used some of those expressions to boast:
- La haine, c'est l'hiver du coeur.
- L'amour, c'est l'été/le printemps du coeur.
- Je suis toute ouie.
- L'avenir appartient à ceux qui ce lèvent tôt.
November 25, 2004
Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.
Oscar Wilde, De Profundis, 1905
November 06, 2004
The result of the American election definitly surprised me. Bush has won another term. Four more years… Even though the polls before election showed that it was a neck-and-neck race I still was convinced that after four years of "Bushism" Kerry was on the right way to presidency. But… Bush has exceeded all expectations. The Americans voted and they voted him into the White House. Again. What can you say more about Democracy?
Depressingly there is nothing to do but to think of the future. What and the more interesting question is WHO will come after Bush? Who will be the candidates for 2008?
The situation for the Democrates are pretty clear. What Kerry lost is what Hillary gained. In this presidential battle Hillary Clinton is definitly the big winner, besides George W. Bush. If Kerry had won the election then any chance for her to candidate in 2008 would have disappeared entirely. But the outcome is even more delicious. One might think that John Edwards could run for the White House if he did well enough in this year's election. If... John Edward was certainly not a serious rival for Hillary Clinton. He did not outperform Dick Cheney in their debate. And Bush easily captured Edward's home state North Carolina. This is how The Times describes him Nice hair, nice teeth, no future.
The situation for the Republicans are more complicated. Jeb Bush, the president's brother is expected to be the potential candidate. There is no doubt that his own popularity has helped his brother to the crown. But his absolute support for his brother can also be his oath. Since "a Bush will always be a Bush" George W.'s policy in this term will certainly determine Jeb Bush's future in 2008.
So the Republicans need a back up candidate. And who will suit more the American way of doing politics than Arnold Schwarzenegger? America rescues the world and The Terminator has already prooved that he is capable of doing that. Is he the hero of 2008? One thing is for sure if the Republicans nominate him for President then Arnie will flex his muscles and we will get to see the revival of The Teminator.
Will the 2008 election be a battle between Hillary and Arnie? Who and what will the Americans vote for? Brain or Muscle? And since the majority of the Americans has voted for Bush in this election I don't dare to make any predictions for 2008. It will remain a battle of which the result will not be cristal clear.
Who do you think will be the US president in 2008?
October 31, 2004
October 30, 2004
Hey, what is the difference between a debit and a credit card?
The debit card spends money that you haven't got now and a credit card spends the money you haven't got later.
I just want to share this really nice picture with you. Hope it will bring some colours into your life ;-) !
October 18, 2004
Agent Pug awoke a little bit past midnight from some rain drops dripping on his head. Where the hell … is he?! He realized that the self destructing recorder actually contained anaesthetic gas. And while he was asleep they transported him away from his nice little home to this cold, rainy place. Didn't they promise him California? Oh no, it can't be the States. They said something about "a land of great history". Then it must be Spain or France… but he doesn't need to cross the Ocean to get there. At least not from G. where Pug started his journey. Oh, maybe they brought him to Mallorca, the 17th state of G., but then it wouldn't explain this %&#?? weather. Still a little bit dazed from the Anaesthetic he decided to make a small investigation of the place and try to find a shelter from the rain. A small wooden box on the other side of the street drew his attention. At least for the moment it would serve its purpose. Pug decided not to be too picky. He thought about James 007 dog who was probably enjoying a night with this famous good-looking poodle lady at the moment. What was her name again? Hally Berrie? Well, but he was not James 007 dog, Pug thought. He had to settle with what life was offering him. While lost in thoughts Pug put a paw on the street and was suddenly dazzled by a car light moving at high speed towards him from the right. Pug moved slowly forward the traffic island in the middle of the street intending to wait there until the car passes him. The car light was coming closer and closer. Pug sensed that there was something terribly wrong with that car. It was driving on the wrong side of the roooaaaaaaad…...
Lying on his back on the sidewalk, out of breath from his near confrontation with death and his double-backflip, Pug thought about contract a life insurance the very next day.*
To be continued.