My Teenage Turtles Rant
First off…don't misinterpret this. I love the Teenage Mutant Ninja/Hero Turtles. The point of this rant is to marvel at the sheer random nature of the world in which they live that captured the heart of millions…
Let me explain. Picture the scene. Your a children's TV show writer, its 3am the boss wants a new pitch in the morning or you're out on your ear. You've already had 7 espressos and enough m&ms and crisps to fill two medium sized industrial oil drums, if you dont keep this job you have to move back with your mother….what do you do?
You invent a group of ninjas that fight crime…ok…fair enough. Its cool, kids like ninjas and teaching them to fight (or at least oppose) crime is a good idea. The boss will like that. But is it a bit old hat? I know I'll make them turtles! success. Hang on turtles are small and incapable of fighting street villians. I know I'll make them mutants…..and…and…..they primary food will be pizza. Kids love pizza!
So far its something I can see the logical steps to. This is where the writer/writers come into a league of their own…They need an enemy, who can we choose??? So he decides to calm it down with a human opponent. And then cover him in knives. Enter Shredder! Now it starts to get more weird. The turtles need training, we could get a giant mutant rat in that used to be a human martial arts expert. But then we need an all powerful evil guy bound to never enter the heor's realm (unless its a feature length episode of movie) like the emporer in star wars (he never does the dirty work until the end). Easily done we get something that could resemble a human brain with a face. But how will it move around? We put it in the belly of a semi naked robotic drone and give him two little joysticks to cover the whole range of the robots movement.
A thing I always noticed about the turtles was that they all had very deadly weapons swords, nunchuka (apologies for the poor spelling) fork things and a stick. They never killed anyone. They would always; poke them with the stick, knock them unconscious with the nunchuka, pin them to the wall with the forks or use the swords to chop a rope that was holding bags of sand in the air above the henchmen.
And finally lets make them live in a converted sewer. Later they would introduce a vigilante character that uses sports equipment to fight crime. It is truely a work of genius, I will never totally know how the creative minds behind this brilliant children's TV show came realise this dream.
P.S. bit of trivia they were originally called "ninja" turtles but that was later changed to "hero" as they didn't want kids imitating it and throwing flying stars at each other.