So I have been meaning to ask…
To those who are concerned, I promise it's not autobiographical.
So I have been meaning to ask. Are you well? How have you been doing? Get up to much lately? Did you ever get that promotion? You were anticipating it for so long, I swear it came into every conversation we had that fortnight. Well, certainly most. I don’t think you did. I know you’re good at what you do, you told me often enough, but I was never really sure that you were great. All mouth.
And did you redo the kitchen? You always wanted to. I preferred it yellow like that personally. Nice and sunny. Why you wanted orange was beyond me! But it’s your kitchen now. For you to do with as you please.
And did you really get with that girl in the end? Was she everything you wanted? Did she offer you the support you needed in your difficult time? Does she love you? And do you love her? Or is it that she does all the right things? You know what I mean. When she lies under you, on her back, does she make the right noises? You know. And does she grip you and pull the right faces? You know. Smiles, not the ‘aroused despair’ you used to see in my face. Does she rub you up the right way, so to speak? Is it all glorious? Did she go down on you better than me? Did she swallow, when I wouldn’t? Does she ever lie on her front, when I didn’t want to, because it hurt? Does she jump to attention and bring you a beer as soon as you walk in the door? Does she rub your feet when you watch TV? Does she cook all your favourite dishes, just perfectly? I’m so sorry, but I prefer my steak not sitting in a puddle of its own blood. Does she look in the mirror and agree to lose weight just because you say so? Because you’d prefer less to love?
Or is she like me? Does she listen to you, but has things to talk about as well? Does she try to have a say in what you subject her too? Does she try to stand up to you? Expect a ‘please’ before getting you a beer? Request to go on top sometimes? Contribute to the general bedroom experience? I mean, I was quite happy to do what you want but I’d really have appreciated you to return the favour at times. And does she cook what she wants, how she wants? Because if you want it done another way, you should learn to cook. Does she expect you to do some of the housework as well?
If she is, she needs to get out. Like I did. Because otherwise you will break her. Like you very nearly broke me. And you know that’s wrong. Or you don’t. Which is worse.
And I have been meaning to ask another thing. Did you ever get the brakes fixed on your sports car? Did I ever even tell you to?