Of all the gin joints in all the world…
Ok, this is a slightly modified version of a coversation I just had regarding a fantastic email I received years and years ago. I think you will see, the subject of the conversation is rather mind-boggling.
The email subject line was "IF U HATE FWDS THEN READ THIS COS ITS HILARIOUS!!!" and the title was "FINALLY A CHAIN LETTER THAT I LIKE!"
If you want it, I'll send it on to you. It really isn't lying about being hilarious.
Me: I have an ancient email that I think you would like
Me: sent you email
Rachel: oh my god
Rachel: i WROTE that chain letter
Rachel: it was less…swear-y
Rachel: it's been modified
Rachel: in year 9
Rachel: or 10, possibly
Rachel: it's changed quite a lot
Rachel: mine was so funnier.
Rachel: if a little less…vocabularily accessible :~)
Me: are you positive? i got this in..erm…summer after gcse
Rachel: yup, well that would make sense wouldn't it
Rachel: 2 years to circulate
Rachel: or at least 1
Rachel: it really has changed a lot
Rachel: my version was much more structurally sound
Me: have you still got it?
Rachel: no..i've changed computers
Rachel: as well as email accounts and all that i never thought it would get back to me
Me: this must be…the wierdest thing ever
Me: summer after gcse = 2000
Me: 4 and a half years ago
Rachel: well i wrote it in 1999/2000
Rachel: so, yea
Me: this is like…so odd!
Rachel: Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower
Rachel: that's my line
Rachel: Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.
Rachel: that's sort of what i wrote
Rachel: by the way the sodomize bit – that was inspired by the current controversy at the time in malaysia
Rachel: anwar ibrahim getting screwed over for sodomy
Me: heh that sodomized bit nearly caused me to break a rib
Rachel: that's mine
Rachel: You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load of bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds.
Rachel: except that it was "goat shit", due to the numerous references to goats earlier
Rachel: i guess that was deemed "inaccessible"
Rachel: also 47
Rachel: obvious star trek reference
Rachel: i was a trekkie, if you'll recall.
Me: i didnt. u are now shunned.
Rachel: i definitely didn't write that poem
Rachel: it was another poem, but kind of shorter. i forget what it was about though
Rachel: possibly a scathing mock love poem
Me: ohoohohoohooh i really want to see this!
Me: ive sent this email to so many people over the years
Me: and to think i know the source! gives me a warm glow
Rachel: when they really think you should be raped by mad goats, then thrown to vicious dogs. – that's my line but not in that context
Rachel: i had this thing about goats
Rachel: i thought it was funny
Me: oh it is
Rachel: that last line is quite poor though. i can't remember how i ended.
Rachel: i want to see my original now
Rachel: but i have no idea where it is.
Rachel: somehow receive a Nickel from some omniscient being"
Rachel: i didn't write nickel, it was 5 cents
Rachel: oh, oh, this is my line too
Rachel: Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every
day for eternity.
Rachel: when i say my line i mean unadultered
Rachel: adorable kittens!
Rachel: wow, i sounded so immature back then
Me: but it was brilliant
Me: this is probably the best email i ever got
Me: i mean, the fact that i still have it 5 years later and bring it out when i need something to laugh at…
Rachel: i wonder how it got to england. i only sent it to my malaysian friends
Rachel: also only the ones in my school
Rachel: how interesting
Me: well if it was changed to "nickel" im guessing it went via america
Rachel: yes, my original term at the end of the email was "saving grace" rather than "savior"
Rachel: which is americanly spelt. ick
Rachel: oh it's all very bizarre i never thought i'd see this again
Rachel: i didn't think it got very far, seeing as it never came back to me or anything
Rachel: until today
Me: /makes frantic circle gestures
Me: eeeh this is maddening…i really want to see the original now…and i want to see how many addresses it came to me thru (if yours was still at the top of the email i got)
Rachel: i highly doubt it
Me: u never know
Rachel: well, think of how much this has been modified
Rachel: i wouldn't still be on it.
Me: probably not, but who knows?
Me: of all the gin joints..
Rachel: oh it's all rather odd indeed
Me: my head is buzzing from coincidences
Rachel: haha, just checked up on correlations of facts. anwar ibrahim's trial for sodomy charge opened on june 6 1999
Rachel: i must have written it over summer holidays
Me: so..i met the sender Israel on tour: july-august 2000
Me: the email must have come shortly after that
Rachel: a year then, to get around and be modified
Rachel: highly unlikely i'd still be on the letterhead.
Me: ooh u should really try to track down the original
Rachel: well, seeing as between then i've not only changed my home computer twice, and upgraded at least 6 times, but also bought a laptop and divested my old computers of all my files
Me: yes yes…but u sent it as an email right?
Me: some people (like myself) keep amusing emails for a long time
Rachel: and changed email addresses at least 5 times
Me: yes..but the recipients?
Rachel: oh, i don't know
Me: then it will remain forever a mystery
Rachel: this is truly bizarre
Rachel: coincidences eh