All entries for Friday 31 December 2004

December 31, 2004

Deep Thought

I hate New Year's Eve. It is the one time, more than any other, that it occurs to me how alone I am.

After much consideration I have come to realise that there are less than 10 people in this world whose company I prefer to my own, and less than 5 who I think "get me". And I'm not even certain about some of them.

As for the number of people I willingly impart information about myself to…well, actually that has been growing over the past few months, as I'm making a conscious effort to talk about more than just what music I'm listening to, what films I like, and how much I hate EA Sames. So many conversations we have in life are staggeringly superficial – there are people I've known for 10 years who I've never told anything about myself. I don't know if that makes me a shut-off person, or if it is perfectly normal, but it has begun to bother me a little bit. The problem is if I will be able to change after all these years. Thankfully the responses I've been getting in this tentative process have surprised me by being, on the whole, rather positive.

To those rare few whose conversations are always thought-provoking and challenging, I say thank you, and please may it continue for a long time to come. If you guys are reading this, I'm sure you know who you are.

I think that's about it for the moment. I will now go and try to find and alternative to spending New Year's Eve on my own, watching fireworks and Big Ben on the TV, because years gone by have shown me that there is almost no experience that is more depressing.

December 2004

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