All entries for Sunday 19 February 2006
February 19, 2006
Do you want to create something as lovely as this in a simple and easy manner? Well now you can with my handy step by step recipe to Spectacle Suprise
Serves: 1 person a bill for a new pair of glasses
Preparation time: An evening
You will need:
*One pair of glasses tailored to your prescription
*A student union packed out with people in school uniform
*A random person's arm
*A large amount of alcohol served in plastic glasses and bottles
Take the pair of glasses and wear them on your head, so that the lenses cover your eyes and that the arms reach back over your ears. Progress to the union and enter through the door, before working your way towards the dance floor. As an option, you may like to drink some of the alcohol at this point, or even before. This is not essential, but will add to the later effect.
Procede to dance on packed union dancefloor. Breaking out funky dance moves is again not essential, but preferable to the general feel of the night. After an undetermined amount of time dictated by personal taste, have the random person wave their arm towards your eyes, so that the glasses are knocked away from your face and onto the floor of the union. Naturally this swipe must be well placed and quite hard so as to make the glasses travel as far as possible, as such this may take some time to hone this delicate skill.
At this point you should start to grovel around on the floor in a desperate attempt to find your glasses. If you do, then clearly you didn't knock them away far enough, although consuming alcohol does make it much harder to find them. At this point you should also have ensured that there are a lot of people around you, and that they have dropped as many glasses and bottles on the floor as possible to help make the search harder.
Eventually give up, and allow the glasses to stew delicately on the floor for approximately an hour, although leaving them for longer will again increase the effect. During this time it is possible to be disoriented due to a lack of vision, and generally feel worried and annoyed. This is perfectly normal, and infact shows you are progressing nicely.
Once the event is over and the lights turn back on it should be possible to find the glasses. By this time they should have been kicked around and trodden on nicely, and be nicely broken. If not then clearly you did something wrong or are incredibly lucky. In this example someone found them very quickly, suprising as the lens was loose but I imagine that this could much longer.
For those wanting to note the special touches, note the break on the left lens holder, where the screw has sheared away the holder so it isn't reperable. Also note the nose supports are facing the wrong way and that the left arm is bent nicely. The left lens is naturally loose, and together with the right lens is scratched to a point where they are of no further use. Also observe the large amounts of general dirt picked up from the floor of the union. I am suprised that the left lens in particular didn't break in this case, but I'm sure with more time someone replicating this recipe could improve on this.
(EDIT: Apologies for the picture disappearing off over the edge. I'm sure there is a way to fix that, but I can't be bothered to work it out and I wanted to leave it as big as possible so that you could see the fine details)