All 5 entries tagged Piranhas N Pigs

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September 08, 2005

I don't like it

Oh my god!

My Piranhas n Pigs category has gone AWOL
as has my Brain, or Lack Thereof (both literally and in the blog-category sense)

Now all I'm stuck with is BORING sociology and masculinities and BLUDDY dissertation stuff that I actually bothered to tag.

I don't like it!

update 9pm Okay I do like it. You was right. I take it all back.

July 05, 2005

At the aquarium

July 04, 2005

Shui Jiao meets Salvador

The pig seemed to be more than a little disgruntled when I arrived back from London early this afternoon, moping and kicking her toys around like a moody adolescent. She gobbled up a plateful of leftovers without even so much as a grunt of appreciation, before retreating to her cushion in front of the fire where she sat glowering balefully at me.

Even dressing her up in some cow print pyjama bottoms and placing a purple toilet brush on her head did little to appease her sulky mood, which slowly worsened over the course of the afternoon until she reminded me of a younger version of myself.

Thinking that the pig might appreciate a companion, someone with whom she could share her moodiness and teenage angst, I paid my second trip of the week to the adoption centre. Here I picked up a young scottie dog by the name of Salvador, who promptly hid all the pig's toys by burying them in the back garden, doing little to endear himself to her.

After much growling and bellowing at each other, and a particularly nasty tustle in the tulip bed, the two are now firm friends and embarking on all kinds of mischief together. The pig painted Salvador's face red, Salvador dug up half the vegetable patch for the pig to eat, and they are already plotting a night out terrorising the local feline population.

I sense that Salvador and Shui Jiao will be an irrepressible duo.

June 30, 2005

Piranhas are a girl's best friend

A kiss on the hand may be quite continental
But piranhas are a girl's best friend.
A kiss may be grand,
But it won't eat the madman living in your humble flat or swim
Around the laundromat
Men grow cold as girls grow old,
And we all lose our charms in the end.
But square-cut or pear-shape,
These teeth don't lose their shape

Piranhas are a girl's best friend.
Piranhas are a girl's best friend.

Let's bite

There may come a time when a lass needs a lawyer
piranhas are a girl's best friend.
There may be a time when a hard boiled employer
Thinks you're awful swish
but get that fish or forego your wish.

He's your guy when stocks are high,
but beware when they start to descend
It's then that those louses go back to their spouses
Piranhas are a girl's best friend.
Piranhas are a girl's best friend

Let bite again

Piranhas are a girl's best friend.
Piranhas are a girl's best friend
Piranhas are a girl's best friend
Piranhas are a girl's best friend
Piranhas are a girl's best friend
Piranhas are a girl's best friend

June 29, 2005

Shui Jiao

This is Shui Jiao the pig. Shui Jiao the pig likes to chase sunflower seeds. This can sometimes be difficult for poor Shui Jiao because sunflower seeds do not move around a great deal. They do not dance, or run, or even bounce. If Shui Jiao nudges them with her snout she can sometimes edge them along the ground a little, but this is not terribly exciting for her. It is only when her kind and loving mother, Ros, throws the seeds across the living room that things start to look up! Shui Jiao the pig grunts and leaps and rolls all over the shagpile rug in front of the roaring fire. What a lark!

Recently, Shui Jiao has been feeling a little confused about her identity. Shui Jiao the pig is not Chinese, but she has a Chinese name. Her name means ‘water dumpling’. But she is not a water dumpling either. She is a pig. This makes Shui Jiao feel rather confused. Furthermore, she lives in a world inhabited by dogz, but she knows that she is not a dog. And now she is changing colour like a chameleon. How perplexing! Poor Shui Jiao!

Shui Jiao decides to take up Zen rock gardening as a means of resolving her indeterminate sense of identity. She feels content when she rakes the sand and arranges the rocks. However, sunflower seeds are not very Zen, though they do provide an important source of food that is both tasty and nutritious.

Shui Jiao the pig likes sunflower seeds very much. But she would also like to awaken her primal consciousness. This is one of life’s conundrums that is difficult to resolve. Shui Jiao thinks she will play with her bouncy ball instead.

Cultivating her garden can wait until another day.

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