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September 20, 2005

Au revoir les canards…

I'm going back to Yorkshire this afternoon, as am still feeling knackered and have developed bizarre painful lump in neck (my brain losing its way in my head?). Actually that's not really why I'm going back to Yorkshire, it's more to see parents and cat and go shopping in Leeds – hooray! and it's shopping wot is allowed since I have no clothes for starting work in 3 weeks time.

Am really going to miss the ducks. I don't think they have ducks in Yorkshire. Et le chum. They definitely don't have le chum in Yorkshire.

I feel sort of displaced. Odd that my time at Warwick has come to an end, but mostly a relief to be honest. Odd that I'm still here when all the other MA students have buggered off, but I'm not part of the place. Not that I ever was, not really. Odd that I haven't really moved on to the next stage either, and don't even have anywhere to live in London yet.

During the next month or so you can probably catch me on a train somewhere between Wakefield, London, Coventry and/or a small village near Windsor. Occasionally stopping still for a few minutes to breath the air and feed the ducks.

September 08, 2005


My time at Warwick is almost at an end and I feel a very odd sense of sadness to be leaving, a sort of nostalgia for what might have been had I been more … and less…

I wish I'd smiled and laughed more, gone out more, got to know new people, and stayed in touch with friends and family better. I wish I'd got more involved in the university, done some voluntary work, learned a new language, read more books. I wish that I'd been more motivated to learn new things. I wish I'd spent more time at the arts centre, seen more plays and gone to the cinema (and tesco!!) more often. I wish that I had trusted and followed my instincts more ('cept then I would have left). And most of all that I'd been friendlier and a nicer person.

I wish I'd cried less and not felt so angry. I wish I'd felt less stressed and worried and actually thought more about what I was doing and learning. I wish I'd spent less time on Virgin trains and more time at my destinations, with the people I love and care about. I wish I'd spent less time over-analysing everything and beating myself up for not being perfect.

This is starting to sound like one of those inane 'life-affirming' email forwards so I will shut up now. And in any case, if I had this (academic) year to live again, I would probably do exactly the same things again, so it's not like I can claim to have learned from the experience. Onwards…

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