Two of the poems that I wrote for the slam on Wednesday. I want to edit the other one and put it in my portfolio, hence it not being posted.
Squirtle, I Choose You!
When I was a kid hanging out at school,
I liked Gogos and Pogs, but do you know what was really cool?
Pokemon was the best and everyone knew
That the favourite of the class was in fact Pikachu.
But no way! Pikachu isn't the one for me
They're cute but against a Diglett, they wouldn't be happy
I want something tenacious, fun, a Pokemon with flair;
I'd choose a Squirtle - let me hear a 'hell yeah!'
Squirtle's adorable, and he's got tons of style,
He'll hit you with 'Water Gun' and an impeccable smile
He can use 'Surf', which is better than 'Flash'
And he was far too cool to hang out with Ash.
Sandshrew? Not a challenge. Charizard? They're screwed.
But a Bulbasaur might put him in a bad mood.
Against fire, ground and rock, Squirtle is the king,
But electric and grass just aren't his thing.
Even Squirtle's big brothers are pretty sweet -
Wartortle and Blastoise are Pokemon I wouldn't like to meet
If I were a Charmander or a Geodude;
Blastoise would swiftly win the fight and enjoy some Pokefood!
I love my Squirtle; he's my number one
I don't think I'd ever want another Pokemon
(excluding a Hitmonchan because they know kung fu)
So Squirtle - I choose you!
"I can haz cheezburger?" he said with a tap
And I saw him smiling up from the doormat
The name of that adorable cat who's a little bit fat
Is the great and honourable Happycat.
Now you're thinking it's all safe (and that
is a common effect of Happy Cat)
but I can hear overhead a pitter-pat
of the Ceiling Cat going LOL WHUT THAT
Although mighty that Ceiling Cat may be,
Happycat would be a better friend for me.
He's smiley and chubby and cuter than he,
The Ceiling Cat, who I honestly find quite creepy.
I think that what I need to cope
is a cat that spies like a periscope
when you feel a need to grope your rope.
The Lolcat Bible says THIS CAT BE DOPE.
Well, you know what Ceiling Cat? Screw you.
Happycat here is pure and true.
He might have maded me a cookie then eated it too,
But he brings the lulz and doesn't watch you poo.
That's kind of hard for me to replicate
But the truth is here to inundate:
We know you've got no chance to fornicate
So Ceiling Cat is WATCHING YOU MASTURBATE.