January 18, 2005

the one I wrote while holding Edward Munch down in his grave so he wouldn't turn in it

What do you mean there's no chocolate?


January 17, 2005

the one that just works on oh, so many levels


A naked flame is hot.

January 12, 2005

the one for the Brits

a delightful boy next to me, on his mobile phone, has just used the following phrase in eminent seriousness:

That'll be as much use as a chocolate teapot.

Gotta love the Brits.


January 11, 2005

the one in which I reveal that everything in my house was made in the Stone Age (Part III)

and what exactly is the logic behind having a hot tap and a cold tap, separately? I imagine people all over the world, every morning and every night, standing before their sinks as damned souls would stand before the maker on Judgement Day, quaking in trepidation as they ask themselves the harrowing question:

to freeze my hands solid with the cold tap, or incinerate with the hot?

I therefore believe that the hyperbolic bipolarism of bathroom taps is to blame for all radical and extremist thought and activity in the world today. Clearly.


the one in which I reveal that everything in my house was made in the Stone Age (Part II)


and I turn on my oven with a match.

the one in which I reveal that everything in my house was made in the Stone Age (Part I)


One of the taps in the bathroom in our house is a heinous liar. The one on the right is blue, and the one on the left is labelled 'Cold'.

January 10, 2005

the one in which I AM NEVER OUTPUNNED


Alan: oh oh oh
Alan: i came up with the WORST pun ever yesterday wen i was in my brothers car
Alan: we were driving past a funeral parlour…. and i said 'Theres an industry that will never die out' :)
me: har har
Alan: there was a deathly silence accompanying that pun ;)
me: bet there was a lot of uncomfortable coffin too
me: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA
Alan: /sigh

January 09, 2005

the one that says it all


If I could afford it I'd live in hotels.

January 04, 2005

the one where I apologize for the extended absence

Apologies for the extended absence, as I've been busy a) being trapped in Scandinavian airports, due to botched transits and general human incompetence, and b) falling down snow-covered slopes on an implement bearing a disconcerting resemblance to an ironing board. I wish to emphasize the "falling" part, in respect of my deeply abused derriere.

But in other news, please watch this video, because laughter is good for the soul, and humans are becoming soulless enough as it is.


December 24, 2004

poise

I don't know what else to do to it. And the policy is, once it's signed, it's finished.

There you have it. Warwick Blogs' very first Real-Time-Art.


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