All entries for Tuesday 22 February 2005

February 22, 2005

It's a long story…

I would like to think of myself as a nice person. I would like to think of myself as a caring person. I would like to think of myself as a friendly person. I would like to think of myself as a well respected person, but we all know that last one just ain't true, but that's a subject for another blog entry…

Anyway, I try to take an interest in my friends' lives; I try to care for my friends; I try to support my friends; I try to be concerned when they seem upset or seem to have a problem.

That is, I try

It's not easy when everything is "a long story" or "none of my business", despite the fact that it would have been had my head been turned 90o to the left or the right.

I also never get told anything. For example, for the past year I've been in charge of the Front of House of Warwick Student Cinema, and I heard from the Technical Officer that some people thought the FoH staff could be a bit nicer. Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy and I like having him as I friend (I may not be his friend; he may think I'm a twat, but again my lack of self esteem is the subject for another entry…), but why the hell didn't these people tell me. I was the one who could have tried to do something about it. I always try to be nice, polite, friendly. If people don't tell me anything, they can't expect me to know everything. I try to; I'm somewhat of a perfectionist. If someone, a year ago, had said to me "By the way, DM Meetings really need to be announced on USFA", I'd have announced that there was a DM Meeting. I'd have preferred that to people telling another DM that it needs to be announced.

I get the impression that some people don't seem to think I'm trustworthy. I feel this may be due to the fact I've never had the chance to prove that I am, because no–one ever tells me anything the requires trust because they don't think I'm trustworthy…
It's a vicious circle…

Also, I do "want to know". Logically, I must "want to know"; I asked, didn't I. If there's something that I "don't want to know" that I'm asking you about, I'd be surprised if I didn't know the area it concerned…
If I know what it's likely to concern, and I'm asking for elaboration, I obviously "want to know"; again, taking an interest in friends' lives.
I don't believe I have ever come across anything that truly offended me. There's not much I dislike, I just like things to varying degrees. I even quite liked Hulk and Blade Trinity (but still, vampire dogs). The same with people; there are very few people I dislike, and even less that I hate (I believe I hate 2 people out of everyone I've ever met, and you won't know either of them).

If people don't seem to want to be cared about, I don't know why I bother, but I'm going to keep trying to care; it's who I am.

Anyway, that's all I wanted to say…


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