All 27 entries tagged Comedy
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September 10, 2006
I don’t understand how the BBC manage to attract such nutters. Its not like they are printing lunacy on their website – its actually sensible news, and yet the commentary is ridiculous. Thankfully its ridiculous to the extent of hilarious…
“The last 10 years have been a disaster for this country. A way of life that took hundreds of years to evolve has been systematically dismantled.”
“A plague on all their houses say I – we desperately need a general election and a new Government to actually tackle the pressing problems facing the country over immigration, crime…”
“I for one have no interest in a scotsman running my country … Bereft of any humility, manners, statesmanship, leadership, personality, courage or character to name a few.”
“The new PM should not be a Scottish MP, they have their own Parliament and should stick to Scottish affairs!”
“His policy is to deliberately keep the State pension at its lowest possible level and any pensioner needing more has to be means-tested or starve. As a pensioner myself I will vote for any other Labour leader except Brown, the Scottish skinflint.”
“George W. Bush should replace Tony Blair. Why have a middle man?” – the only witty one I could find.
August 14, 2006
Writing about web page http://www.walken2008.com/index.html
One of the Actors I left out of my prevous blog entry was Christopher Walken, he is awesome in the same vein as Rutger Hauer. Even his trivia is awesome – IMDB claim that he, "Worked briefly as a lion tamer in a circus at age 15." He is also standing for President! Thats right – he intends to stand in 2008, probably as an independant. Even though he has no platform his website says some sensible things. The FAQ also claims that he will be making some supporter clothing availible in the future. Even though I have doubt that he will loose the election running as an independant I intend to try to obtain some of this promotional clothing in the future. Its also a bit of a shame that they don't mention the film McBain – thats got to be a vote winner. I also like some of the quotes, though I am not sure how they win votes, eg:
"I've made movies nobody will ever see,
I've made movies that even I have never seen
August 02, 2006
Well I've only posted one sentence in the last month, I could argue that this is because I have done nothing in the last month, but my blog has never been about me anyhow. So here it is, my amusing make–up–for–not–posting entry:
Awesome Film Stars
So, if you were making a movie – who would you put in it? Most directors tend to have preferred actors, some even recurring characters – who would you put in? Eagerly awaiting for some AFAS members to complain. (AFAS = All Films Are Shit) Here's my list of general awesomeness:
1. Dennis Hopper
Do I even need to justify this? He's a good actor, been a part of some classic films, has a great look.
2. Rutger Hauer
The first of the Verhoeven pair– wonderfully stylised look, always seems a bit though he is about to kill someone. A cult figure – the kind of person to get excited about when you see him on screen.
3. Michael Ironside
He is the classic 80s action film bad guy, just listen to the titles of some of the films he's been in: Extreme Prejudice, Probable Cause, Major Payne, Killer Image, Mindfield, Dead Awake, Captive. These are the kind of titles that make you want to watch a film, even though you know its awful. And this is before we account for his being in both Starship Troppers and Total Recall … and his ringtone in Desperate Housewives is the theme to the Blue's Brothers. My God – its popular culture mayhem! Anyhow – if he just kills people and shouts names like 'Hauser' it makes me happy.
4. Brian Blessed
Just look at him! His face is amazing – it can fit like three normal faces inside of it. He could eat babies and the court would give the task of massing models as community service. He's a national treasure worth preserving. If anyone ever plays me in a film (It'll never happen, I know) it MUST be him.
I might post some more later, the list is potentially very long…
June 25, 2006
In a speech tonight Dr. John Reid is expected to announce the Government will be reintroducing trial by Ordeal. The move comes after a recent headline in the News of The World attacked what they describe as 'A culture of Witchcraft'.
Human rights group Amnesty attacked the move, a spokesman saying, "This is yet another slap dash response to tabloid pressure by those wankers at No. 10".
Wannabe Leader of the Opposition, Menzies Campbell backed this stance at an OAP Rally this morning. "There are a growing number of instances where incidents which used to be regarded as high–jinks or normal adolescent behaviour 15–20 years ago are being seen as witchcraft now," he said.
Under the new system the accused would be bound and thrown into water. If they sink they are found innocent and if they float they are found guilty. The innocent person would then be rescued, though the rescue may not be successful.
Criminologist and author of 'How to kill Witches in the 21st Century' Professor McDougal explained, "In the middle ages Witches were imagined to float supernaturally above water because they had renounced baptism when entering the Devil's service. Now science has proved this to be true".
Robin Wendallson, of campaign group Victims' Voice, whose own son was once tricked into talking to a plant by a witch said that the new laws were long overdue, "Since the introduction of the Human Rights Act it has become impossible to treat Witches with the cruelty and ridiculousness that has been a British Tradition since Salem." Salem was in the USA.
Another perspective on the situation is offered by Barry Scott, member of The Daily Mail Stereotypes League, who described the move as 'Common Sense'. "It is about time that this country recognised that only a rose tinted view of the middle ages can save it from the persistent threat of terrorism, paedophiles, foreigners, Young People, human rights lawyers and Witches", he said.
May 22, 2006
Writing about web page http://www.purepwnage.com/
Hilarious Videos – parodying both the hardcore gaming fraternity and with muchos pop–culture references (Watch out for the Kurosawa wipe in episode 2). Absolutely brilliant comedy if you get it, which not many people will unfotunately.
Highly recommended to bring out the geek in people.
May 16, 2006
Why do so many idiots post on the bbc news forums? I would put money on it, that if a survey was conducted of those people the average IQ would be well below 70.
This topic, is obviously going to be one of the worst, but there's plenty of ridiculousness going around for everyone:
Here's a great quote:
"We do indeed have extremism in our society. And that extremism is of anti–Britishness. No one is allowed to call themselves British, fly a Union Jack, refer to The British Empire or any thing else which might offend or upset anyone who does not consider themselves to be British. Further, this extremism comes from a tiny minority who are imposing their will on the rest of us. This is the extremism that the Government should be tackling."
Its almost a parody, and I'm not sure when reading this to be concerned or to just to laugh. For the record, here's a fair refutation:
1. Loads of people call themselves British
2. There is no Law against flying a Union Jack. Though flags are banned in Warwick University halls of residence.
3. The post itself referred to the British Empire – best shooting in the foot ever.
There's another great quote here: "When in Rome, do as the Romans/British do"
Another person seems to think that Britishness involves "Being Christian", whilst someone else geographically restricts Britain with the statement, "Regarding England as your home."
After a while the sarcastic posts tended to dominate, such as "This government turning into a dictatorship. Treating criminals softly and allowing them to do whatever they like and then increasing our taxes to pay for it." Frankly I think this guy is the most self delusional on the site. If we conjunct the adjacent sentences, logically valid since he is claiming that both propositions hold, we find that he thinks the country is a dictatorship thats gone soft. Brilliant!
Ahh well – at least it avoided doing revision for 10 minutes more.
May 14, 2006
The 7D's of Revision Avoidance:
Derail – to deliberately put someone else off doing work for your own amusement
Doodle – scribble incoherently
Dump – notes on the floor so that you can spend time tidying them later
Defecate – frequent toilet breaks during revision
Draw – scribble coherently, but off of the subject material's topic
Dick–around – eg: playing generals, watching films, etc.
Destroy – rip up notes in frustration the day before exams
May 08, 2006
I've found a great website comedy wise. Full of stories about silicon valley fokelore. He's a brilliant tale about the Steve Jobs Reality Distortion Field:
And here's one about how growing a moustache can get you promoted:
Even if you are not a geek these are amusing stories, though you may not appreciate them quite as much. Also congratulations to Dan for getting into the Leamington Changelog
Goodbye Jhutti's (apostrophe or no – it barely makes any sense here) you shall be missed. But not by me.
May 01, 2006
April 21, 2006
Finally! My fourth year project was handed in and complete. And its actually quite good. Though frankly we put so much effort in that it ought to be good. Its been a busy few days generally. Obviously exam revision is due to start sometime soon, but for now I can bask in a couple of days without worry that I'm not doing work. The stress was also relieved on account of finding out that there is some PhD (not pronounced fud) funding availible for me. Role on the exams, I say, I am actually looking forward to them, especially knowing that its probably the last set of exams that I will be undertaking ever. Here's a couple of great quotes, curtesy of the beeb:
Berlusconi (about himself) The best political leader in Europe and in the world.