All 37 entries tagged Comedy

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July 18, 2008

Ode to Depression

Hearing consistently bad economic news at the moment, I thought I’d share some of Noel Coward’s words.

They’re out of sorts in Sunderland
And terribly cross in Kent,
They’re dull in Hull
And the Isle of Mull
Is seething with discontent,
They’re nervous in Northumberland
And Devon is down the drain,
They’re filled with wrath
On the firth of Forth
And sullen on Salisbury Plain,
In Dublin they’re depressed, lads,
Maybe because they’re Celts
For Drake is going West, lads,
And so is everyone else.
Hurray-hurray-hurray!
Misery’s here to stay.

There are bad times just around the corner,
There are dark clouds hurtling through the sky
And it’s no good whining
About a silver lining
For we know from experience that they won’t roll by,
With a scowl and a frown
We’ll keep our peckers down
And prepare for depression and doom and dread,
We’re going to unpack our troubles from our old kit bag
And wait until we drop down dead.


February 12, 2008

American Idol considered Torture

Earlier today the CIA stated that they had used American Idol on prisoners. This is the first time that the organisation has admitted to using the controversial technique in the War on Terror. While he was being interviewed by Congress Michael Hayden, current CIA head, stated that American Idol had been used on 3 subjects who were imprisoned at Guantanamo bay, but not within the past 1 week.

The British foreign secretary, David Miliband, recently stated, “We would never do anything like that”, when asked about the use of American Idol. The television show is considered torture by several human rights groups, including Amnesty International, and the US congress has considered banning it, however, President has made it publically known that he would veto a bill, stating, “I particularly like the early rounds, when there are more of what we texans call, ‘shit singers’”

Kuwaiti-born Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, who has been accused of planning the september 11th attacks, claims that American Idol was used on him. Both of the other two detainers who were forced to watch American Idol were also suspected of being high level Al-Quaeda operatives.

The technique itself involves forcing the detainee to sit through an entire episode of American Idol. This can range from 23minutes, to a whole hour for a final. Public opinion has turned against the show after people released the contestants were all boring, and fat.

When asked what he thought about the technique Seth McFarlane, Family Guy creator, replied, “not good meg, not good.”


December 25, 2006

School Comedy

Congratulations go out to the BBC website for taking a normally serious column and comedifying it (is that a word? Not even the dictionary knows). Here’s an overlong teaser that doubles up as a link:

If we go any further down that road there is a danger that government will impose targets for improving the sexual attainment of head teachers, bringing demands for a whole new category of school performance tables. Perish the thought.


Merry Festivus

Well its that time of year again, and its worth putting up some alternative christmas links, for example this gem: http://fuckchristmas.org/ its unfortunately about a year out of date, but combined with John Stewart this was one of the more amusing critiques of Fox’s attempts last year to claim that Christianity was under attack. Frankly I think one of the more convincing argument for using the phrase happy holidays is the potential to annoy Fox News Anchors.

Its also worth remembering that there are many holidays at this time of year, most notably Festivus . Another interesting read is the about.com entry on pagan roots of modern festivals .


November 04, 2006

More BBC Comedy

So the Comedy on the BBC news website forums has gotten to extremes now. It seems like every idiot with a computer has found a way to validate their opinions. My favourite one is:

“Tower Hamlets is replacing a traditional firework display with a Bengali folk tale theme. I’m not a ‘little Englander’, but I feel that our history and traditions need to be upheld. Guy Fawkes night is part of our cultural identity and should remain so.

Vote BNP at the next election and show this government this has got to stop.”

http://tinyurl.com/ym4j9p


More BBC Comedy

So the Comedy on the BBC news website forums has gotten to extremes now. It seems like every idiot with a computer has found a way to validate their opinions. My favourite one is:

“Tower Hamlets is replacing a traditional firework display with a Bengali folk tale theme. I’m not a ‘little Englander’, but I feel that our history and traditions need to be upheld. Guy Fawkes night is part of our cultural identity and should remain so.

Vote BNP at the next election and show this government this has got to stop.”

http://tinyurl.com/ym4j9p


October 16, 2006

Newsbiscuit

Newsbiscuit is pretty much a uk version of the onion. It has been producing some pretty good satire of late. Today, however, really took the ‘biscuit’. I’ll let you read the link for yourselves…

http://newsbiscuit.com/article/ku-klux-klan-asked-to-reveal-hoods


Newsbiscuit

Newsbiscuit is pretty much a uk version of the onion. It has been producing some pretty good satire of late. Today, however, really took the ‘biscuit’. I’ll let you read the link for yourselves…

http://newsbiscuit.com/article/ku-klux-klan-asked-to-reveal-hoods


September 22, 2006

'Political In–correctness Gone Mad'

Conservative Leader David Cameron today setup a new policy group to tackle what he termed ‘Political In correctness gone mad’ within the mainstream media. The move comes after a recent poll suggested that people thought David Cameron, ‘Didn’t moan enough to be Conservative Leader’.

The new policy group is to be headed up by former Journalist, Richard Littlejohn. In a BBC Radio 4 interview this morning he stated, “I’m working on something that’s not Racist, You couldn’t make it up!

Previously my most serious piece of political journalism was that Essex Girl Joke Book I wrote, now Davey boy has named me one of the Beautiful People.” When asked about his motivation in taking up his new position Mr. Littlejohn claimed it would help him “score” more often.

An unnamed labour official was overheard saying, “I don’t have a name, whats that all about?”

Escaped Mental patient and author of, “Political (In) correctness” Professor McDougal explained, “Previously people thought that political correctness was a society’s major ill, surveys show that the public are reaching a tipping point whereby PI replaces PC”


September 11, 2006

Leadership? 2

So, the question is …

Which fictional Character would make the best Labour Leader?

1. The Terminator

Noted for being tough on immigrants (from the Future, role on South Park esque, “They took our jobs”, “De der dee derp” quotes), tough on crime, and a definite moderniser of the human form. Perhaps his biggest political risk is his pro ‘Going back in time and killing large swathes of people’ policy. Something that has been caught on camera more than once. The bookies rate him as a strong candidate for leadership mainly due to his tenacious nature, as symbolised by his trademark catchphrase, “I’ll be back” which he utters whenever he looses some form of election.

2. Dorothy Michaels

Thats right, the female character that Dustin Hoffman dresses up as in Tootsie. I hadn’t forgetten about her, have you? Since hearing Mr. Blair’s recent speech about political cross dressing, those political manipulators extraordinaire at Newscorp have putting their thinking caps on. Unfortunately no one at Sky News has a high enough IQ to understand metaphors, so this is what they have come up with. By and large unpopular with the electorate, a recent poll suggests that the three sentences people most associate with her are, “Who the hell is that?”, “Is that Dustin Hoffman, he’s really let himself go!” and “Pervert!” May stand a chance at winning the election due to the media power of the Murdoch empire, won’t get the oppotunity to since she has no hope at the leadership contest.

3. Colonel Walter E. Kurtz

An experienced war veteran who died over 25 years ago. Kurtz has potential as the strongman that the Labour party desires and is seen as more ‘human’ than the Terminator. In a strange move, a lot of anti-war protestors seem to be backing him, since they seem to interpret his expression, “The horror, the horror” as a response to the Iraq war, rather than Cherie Blair’s face.

4. Lion-O

The final candidate is on the list is a thundercat, just to break the white male/robot/cross-dresser stereotype that been established. Lion-O’s ability to use the Eye of thundera to give him Sight-beyond-sight is seen as a strength, in light of the war of terror. Some privacy advocates believe that legal curbs should be put on its usage, however. Despite strong support amongst Labour back benchers there is cabinet opposition, due to the belief that Mumra ‘The everliving’ might strike down on the Labour party with all his/her/its? wrath. A recent poll also suggested that his political advisor, Snarf. didn’t go down well with party members, some labelling his repeated use of the word, Snarf as ‘stupid’.


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