All entries for September 2006

September 22, 2006

'Political In–correctness Gone Mad'

Conservative Leader David Cameron today setup a new policy group to tackle what he termed ‘Political In correctness gone mad’ within the mainstream media. The move comes after a recent poll suggested that people thought David Cameron, ‘Didn’t moan enough to be Conservative Leader’.

The new policy group is to be headed up by former Journalist, Richard Littlejohn. In a BBC Radio 4 interview this morning he stated, “I’m working on something that’s not Racist, You couldn’t make it up!

Previously my most serious piece of political journalism was that Essex Girl Joke Book I wrote, now Davey boy has named me one of the Beautiful People.” When asked about his motivation in taking up his new position Mr. Littlejohn claimed it would help him “score” more often.

An unnamed labour official was overheard saying, “I don’t have a name, whats that all about?”

Escaped Mental patient and author of, “Political (In) correctness” Professor McDougal explained, “Previously people thought that political correctness was a society’s major ill, surveys show that the public are reaching a tipping point whereby PI replaces PC”


September 11, 2006

Leadership? 2

So, the question is …

Which fictional Character would make the best Labour Leader?

1. The Terminator

Noted for being tough on immigrants (from the Future, role on South Park esque, “They took our jobs”, “De der dee derp” quotes), tough on crime, and a definite moderniser of the human form. Perhaps his biggest political risk is his pro ‘Going back in time and killing large swathes of people’ policy. Something that has been caught on camera more than once. The bookies rate him as a strong candidate for leadership mainly due to his tenacious nature, as symbolised by his trademark catchphrase, “I’ll be back” which he utters whenever he looses some form of election.

2. Dorothy Michaels

Thats right, the female character that Dustin Hoffman dresses up as in Tootsie. I hadn’t forgetten about her, have you? Since hearing Mr. Blair’s recent speech about political cross dressing, those political manipulators extraordinaire at Newscorp have putting their thinking caps on. Unfortunately no one at Sky News has a high enough IQ to understand metaphors, so this is what they have come up with. By and large unpopular with the electorate, a recent poll suggests that the three sentences people most associate with her are, “Who the hell is that?”, “Is that Dustin Hoffman, he’s really let himself go!” and “Pervert!” May stand a chance at winning the election due to the media power of the Murdoch empire, won’t get the oppotunity to since she has no hope at the leadership contest.

3. Colonel Walter E. Kurtz

An experienced war veteran who died over 25 years ago. Kurtz has potential as the strongman that the Labour party desires and is seen as more ‘human’ than the Terminator. In a strange move, a lot of anti-war protestors seem to be backing him, since they seem to interpret his expression, “The horror, the horror” as a response to the Iraq war, rather than Cherie Blair’s face.

4. Lion-O

The final candidate is on the list is a thundercat, just to break the white male/robot/cross-dresser stereotype that been established. Lion-O’s ability to use the Eye of thundera to give him Sight-beyond-sight is seen as a strength, in light of the war of terror. Some privacy advocates believe that legal curbs should be put on its usage, however. Despite strong support amongst Labour back benchers there is cabinet opposition, due to the belief that Mumra ‘The everliving’ might strike down on the Labour party with all his/her/its? wrath. A recent poll also suggested that his political advisor, Snarf. didn’t go down well with party members, some labelling his repeated use of the word, Snarf as ‘stupid’.


September 10, 2006

Leadership?

I don’t understand how the BBC manage to attract such nutters. Its not like they are printing lunacy on their website – its actually sensible news, and yet the commentary is ridiculous. Thankfully its ridiculous to the extent of hilarious…

“The last 10 years have been a disaster for this country. A way of life that took hundreds of years to evolve has been systematically dismantled.”

“A plague on all their houses say I – we desperately need a general election and a new Government to actually tackle the pressing problems facing the country over immigration, crime…”

“I for one have no interest in a scotsman running my country … Bereft of any humility, manners, statesmanship, leadership, personality, courage or character to name a few.”

“The new PM should not be a Scottish MP, they have their own Parliament and should stick to Scottish affairs!”

“His policy is to deliberately keep the State pension at its lowest possible level and any pensioner needing more has to be means-tested or starve. As a pensioner myself I will vote for any other Labour leader except Brown, the Scottish skinflint.”

“George W. Bush should replace Tony Blair. Why have a middle man?” – the only witty one I could find.


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