February 12, 2008

American Idol considered Torture

Earlier today the CIA stated that they had used American Idol on prisoners. This is the first time that the organisation has admitted to using the controversial technique in the War on Terror. While he was being interviewed by Congress Michael Hayden, current CIA head, stated that American Idol had been used on 3 subjects who were imprisoned at Guantanamo bay, but not within the past 1 week.

The British foreign secretary, David Miliband, recently stated, “We would never do anything like that”, when asked about the use of American Idol. The television show is considered torture by several human rights groups, including Amnesty International, and the US congress has considered banning it, however, President has made it publically known that he would veto a bill, stating, “I particularly like the early rounds, when there are more of what we texans call, ‘shit singers’”

Kuwaiti-born Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, who has been accused of planning the september 11th attacks, claims that American Idol was used on him. Both of the other two detainers who were forced to watch American Idol were also suspected of being high level Al-Quaeda operatives.

The technique itself involves forcing the detainee to sit through an entire episode of American Idol. This can range from 23minutes, to a whole hour for a final. Public opinion has turned against the show after people released the contestants were all boring, and fat.

When asked what he thought about the technique Seth McFarlane, Family Guy creator, replied, “not good meg, not good.”

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