June 26, 2006

In denial

Ok – still hasnt hit me that uni is over now that I'm back home.

I did have a good blub or two during last term and the very end – but that was a more emotional saying goodbye thing / knowing that it was ending etc, not ITS OVER. Just feels like another uni holidays at the moment, and that I'll be back next term seeing my friends soon enough. But thats not the case…..

Perhaps graduation week is slightly blurring the reality that faces me – but graduation I can imagine is just a "final hurrah" and not really spending any quality time together as a group of friends. It'll be too rushed. Bit like the last 4 weeks of term. Grrrr

Wish we hadn't had that data analysis sheet to hand in middle of week 9, as 1% of your degree kinda takes the edge off the enjoyment after exams – knowing there's still a little more to come.

So, back home, awesome food, comfy bed, world cup on tele, sleeping lots etc – all good – but not really what I love (having a good time with my friends). Parents have already got me thinking about what I shall be doing after my gap year – VERY tough question really – given that I'm pretty uncertain about what I even want.

Dream job would be to discover a new source of energy to solve the world's energy crisis (which will prob occur in our lifetimes). However, this route will involve doing a lot of looking into current research and good places – along with a PhD, which I'm not sure I want. Ok, nice to be a student(ish) again I suppose, but its very different, and rather focused / narrow – and I tend to get bored of most things after a while (applys to several other areas in life too…..). Need to find something after my gap year that will continue to challenge me, and change or be broad enough a subject/career/route to keep me interested. Plus there's the added problem that I dont like doing something I'm not good at (e.g. languages) – so starting on a completely new eduational path is not really an option.

Anyway – I have time to think at least. And time to prepare, buy some more gap year stuff, enjoy graduation and a couple of house parties down in England, hopefully see some friends, and make some big life decisions (the scary bit…). Gap year doesnt scare me – can't wait for it to start :D cause it'll be brill. Will come back broke – but sooo worth it.

Gap year will also meet new people – possibly the only thing that's been missing / lacking this final year at uni – not had the opportunity or confidence to really get to know many new people. Going out with various groups of friends and hockey has been awesome, with some fantastic memories – but since the issues in term one I'm still yet to wander up to a complete stranger and strike up a convo – or even go on the pull. Gap year (as I found out from my trip to NZ) will kinda force me to take opportunities – which helps with the confidence.

Who knows, I might even find someone I like…. Ok – I'm not THAT picky – just didn't find "the one" whilst at uni. With only one girlfriend, can't really say I was looking too hard. But then being forward's not me. Just gotta be patient / be happy being single until I find someone I spark with I suppose… And learn to not miss chances (have become rather adept at not realising / being too shy, but looking back afterwards and going "oops"). Anyway….

Apologies for long blog – good to get some stuff out. Over and out

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