November 26, 2007


The various voices are, ideally, represented by different fonts à la The Adoption Papers; here, I have had to split the sections off to compensate, which makes it harder to distinguish the 'characters', few as they are in this version.  This is the bare-bones initial state of the piece, I am not sure which additions I will keep.


CAPE HIRE is the innovative new enterprise from the minds behind the GHOSTER TOASTER and the socially-renovating FRIENDS TOGETHER FOREVER.

Have you lost loved ones in natural, yet preventable, disasters? Have you been pushed around due to a less-than-desirable physique? Or have you ever been late for an important meeting, because you simply can’t move at anything approaching the speed of light?

Repressing those bad memories may be impossible, but preventing similar ones from developing will become the right of everyone with a credit card from next week!

CAPE HIRE will be offering superpowers for hire from low, low prices. From the opening week super-speed, super-strength, damage-resistance, super-flexibility and super-agility will be available, with many more to be added before the end of the year, on a staggered schedule.

As an added bonus to early-comers, utility belts will be sent to everyone who orders a superpower in the first 24 hours of operation.

CAPE HIRE is open for business from next Sunday, with a simultaneous worldwide opening at 9AM PST, following opening celebrations in Tokyo, Los Angeles, New York, Berlin, Lisbon, Manchester, Singapore, Jakarta, and many other cities around the world. Check our official site for details.

- Spenser John, CAPE HIRE PR-Marketing Chief.

Does anyone know if this is for real?

Governments divided over Cape Hire

Shortly after the Cape Hire project was announced last night, governments made responses, ranging from cease-and-desist commands to requests for government discounts on superpowers when it opens to the public.

Few details beyond the initial press release are currently available, but the concern is valid: how will the safety of citizens be ensured when anyone is able to pay for superpowers? The Cape Hire team declined to comment, but hinted that they would respond to all worries within the next few days.

This Cape Hire stuff appears to be genuine. Can I be the first to ask: what the fuck? How does this happen? Superpowers?


Progress of the human race my arse. It’s too sci-fi.


Cape Hire catch criminals

In the most off-the-wall and out-of-the-marketing textbook publicity stunt of recent years, today Cape Hire employees are patrolling the streets of at least twelve major cities around the world, using superpowers to catch petty thieves.

Reports are still coming in, but at least thirty pickpockets and shoplifters have been caught by the Cape Hire employees using the super-speed and super-strength powers. All criminals were handed in the relevant authorities.

The authorities, meanwhile, have been left speechless by this new brand of citizen’s arrest.

Have you seen anything on your city streets? Leave a comment in the form below.


It appears the launch of Cape Hire will go ahead as planned, despite protests at almost every launch celebration party. Politicians, armed forces, police services, leading academic figures, and community leaders have all spoken out against the project, yet none have managed to find the legal loopholes that would prevent it from going ahead. Cape Hire is simply too radical a movement to be brought down by laws written when it could have never been foreseen; as indeed it could not have been until a few short days ago.

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